Cubs Fans Are Fucking Frauds

Yesterday at O’Hare, I was greeted by an Uber driver with a Cubs flag on one side of his car, a W flag on the other, and about $300 of Cubs swag decking him out from head to toe. Obviously I wanted nothing to do with him, but the cubbie craze is unavoidable in chi town right now so I figured to have a good attitude and make small talk anyway. I told him how much I loved Aroldis Chapman and that I wished the Rangers had traded for him last winter, and he responded with a “which player is that?” Fuck that shit…

Any baseball fan who’s been here enough times knows that this fanbase is a giant fucking fraud. Its true that they’re always filling up the stands no matter how poorly the ‘lovable losers’ may be playing, but take out all the tourists and yuppie transplants whose fanhood and Wrigleyville hangouts are merely fads for their 20s and you’re left with mostly shitheads like the aforementioned uber driver. They go on and on about the misery they (pretend to) have endured, buts that’s a load of shit as well. Even if you’re as young as 30 in Chicago, your sports life has been blessed with…

-the coolest basketball/sports dynasty of all time during the 90s

-the best hockey dynasty of all time right now

-Two Super Bowls with Brett Favre and Aaron Rodgers (granted for only about 50% of Cubs fans)

-a baseball World Series. Yes. They had one in 05. And yes, Cubs fans were all in on that celebration.

Spare me the fucking grief, Chicago. Also, the team itself is annoying as fuck. Maddon is an arrogant prick who failed the nation when he lost to philly. Lester and Lackey committed great crimes against society by giving massholes the ammo to become even shittier massholes. Arrieta is a one year wonder/juicer that can kick rocks. And Baez’s MLB logo neck tattoo is the stupidest shit I’ve ever seen on an athlete.

Do yourself a favor and don’t fall into this crap narrative about the Cubs that everyone is propogating. I promise – you will end up regretting this twice as much as you currently regret cheering for the Pats to unseat the Rams back in 01. Go Tribe!

Cubs Fans Are Fucking Frauds

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