Proof That Josh Allen’s Lateral Was the Correct Decision

Josh Allen

On Saturday night, the Bills took another baby step forward in their steady march back to relevance.  Josh Allen played admirably enough for us to hold on confirmation that he sucks.  As a matter of fact, he almost doubled Deshaun Watson’s rushing yards 92-55.  However, he still made too many mistakes for us to be able to start saying he’s good:

  • Two dropped interceptions (one pick six)
  • Lost a fumble
  • Lost another fumble that was overturned by replay
  • Heaved a 50 yard throw to a double covered fullback
  • Took a 3rd down intentional grounding to fall out of FG range with 1:41 left to play down by 3

The dumbest mistake of the game was McDermott’s decision to go for it on 4th and 27 with three timeouts, but nobody cares because they still made overtime and he’s an awesome coach.  Instead, everyone is harping on the Josh Allen lateral and I thoroughly disagree!

First of all, there were no Texans players near #88 Knox and therefore no Texans players came anywhere close to recovering the football.  Second of all, because there are no Texans players near #88 Knox, he had a lot of green ahead to turn the game on its head with an all time historic play.  The execution was poor, but I love the decision.

Let’s put it another way.  Best case scenario and the play works, Bills are in FG range with the clock stopped and plenty of time to drive for a win.  Worst case scenario (keeping in mind there’s ZERO texans around) Allen fucks up the lateral so badly that it goes over #88’s head and out of bounds for 1st and 10 with the clock stopped.  Oh wait a minute that’s what actually happened, which is way better than the ‘smart play’ of getting tackled and running off 15 seconds to spike the ball for 2nd and 10.

And one last point to all those hoity-toity fake nerds out there who are lambasting Josh Allen for a net positive play…

The numbers say laterals are good.  So suck it

Proof That Josh Allen’s Lateral Was the Correct Decision

The Most Popular Sports Story From the Weekend Had Nothing to Do With NFL Football

 

Wu Lei2

When Wu Lei became the first Chinese international to score a goal against Barcelona, a trend on Weibo hit 370 million views.  That is more than the entire total of the US population, so I assume it was more popular than anything NFL-related on the internet.  Apologies if I am wrong.  

After watching the goal, I am now fully onboard with Chinese fans in saying that Wu Lei is my new favorite Chinese player.  It was a true beauty…

The time and score of the game.  The through ball.  The strike.  The Chinese dude in a Barca jersey going ape shit even though it meant Madrid caught up to them for first place.

This dude in the stands who just started screaming ‘Wu Lei Wu Lei Wu Lei’ over and over again before he even got the ball.

Everything about it was pretty wild.  My favorite by though, was this tribute video afterwards:

Espanyol is still in last place, but there’s still half the season left to play and they got a new coach who is smart enough to give our boy Wu Lei more minutes.  They’re also qualified for the Europa knockouts, so Champion’s League for next year is still on the table.

In the meantime, they have quite the marketing asset.  Wu Lei’s debut last year, despite being only 12 minutes, garnered 40M total views in China.  For reference, that is twice the number of viewers for the GoT finale.  For La Liga as a whole, its digital following in China almost doubled (82%) last year because of Wu Lei alone.

The Most Popular Sports Story From the Weekend Had Nothing to Do With NFL Football

Who Is the Most Overrated Cowboy of Our Lifetimes?

Scandrick

When talking overrated Cowboys, the bar has to be set at the most obvious choice of Tony Romo.  Ten years, $127M in earnings, and a whopping two playoff wins.  One of those (against the Lions) was handed to us by the refs and Teryl Austin despite Romo’s best efforts to deliver the biggest choke job of his illustrious choking career.  Even after he left, it took two years to clear his salary off our cap and it prevented us from signing big free agents during Dak’s rookie deal.

Despite all of this and despite all of the win-or-go-home losses and humiliations at the hands of our division rivals, many Cowboys fans (and it’s only Cowboys fans) still stick up for this dude.  It is truly baffling.  Is he the most overrated Cowboys of our lifetimes?

 

There is only one player I can think of more overrated than Romo and that is Orlando Scandrick.  Keep in mind that I will never buy Goodrich tires because of Dwayne, yet it’s Scandrick who takes the prize for boiling my blood more than any Cowboy in history.

Outside of Terence Newman at #5 overall, the Cowboys went nearly two full decades without hitting on a decent DB in the draft.  In that same time, we also almost never hit on a late round pick as well.  Therefore, everyone lost their shit when Scandrick made a few plays his rookie season.  He ended up getting a lot of playing time because our corners always sucked, and he got torched consistently.  He jipped the Jones family out of $30M and failed a drug test for what we all pretend is Molly instead of the PEDs he needed to stay competent on the field.

Last season, he cost us $2.3M in dead cap money while he was with Kansas City ruining their season and all of their Super Bowl dreams.  In fact he still counts against our cap this year.  He also bullied sick children in Madden games because he could never make plays on the real field.  Fuck this dude forever.

 

Here is a list of honorable mentions:

Chad Hutchinson – the amount of Cowboys fans that thought this quarterback could be competent was embarrassing and probably had a lot to do with race unfortunately.

Roy Williams (S) – he was a massive liability by the end of his career to due religion and the horse collar rule, but he also made five straight pro bowls and was first team all-pro.  In that brief time as a star he made a lot of clutch interceptions and caused several iconic injuries such as Emmitt Smith and Terrell Owens.  A lot of Cowboys fans thought he was terrible, and there is a big overlap between those fans and the ones who still like Tony Romo.

TO injury

The only happy time of 2004.

Roy Williams (WR) – just when I thought you couldn’t get any dumber (after the Galloway trade), you go and do something like this… and humiliate us even more Jerry!  His most memorable moment was fumbling away the game against the Saints and ruining Thanksgiving 2010.

Terrell Owens – after feeling under appreciated and underpaid following his rehab from the Roy Williams horse collar, TO defected to Dallas for a prolific chapter to one of the most enigmatic careers in sports history.  He had some incredible moments for us but also an incredible amount of drops and distractions.  It was an exhilarating ride while it lasted, but ultimately a failure.

Miles Austin – against the Titans in 2010, Troy Aikman proclaimed Austin the best wide receiver in the league. It took awhile for him to live that down, but at the time it seemed reasonable because the talent was there.  Hamstring injuries quickly made him useless, and then he lost the ball in the lights to cost us the division (and possibly the Super Bowl because it was the Giants) in 2011.

Dez Bryant – I feel bad including him because he has a great heart and football saved his life, but he fucked up way too many times fo his talent level.  The most notorious mistake came at Lambeau field when he decided to be a glory boy and dropped a key 4th down pass.

Byron Jones – great guy, great measurables, underwhelming career so far.  He was humiliated by his brother against GB this year and I’m not sure he’s ever fully recovered.

Who Is the Most Overrated Cowboy of Our Lifetimes?

The Disastros Dynasty Is Canceled

Texas Rangers v Houston Astros

First off on behalf of the baseball universe to philly’s own Bryce harper – here is a nice big fuck you and suck my dick*.  The Nats finally became cool to cheer for this year much like the Caps during the Ovi run.  Props to DC on winning a title for the ages.

I have attended 17 MLB stadiums (nbd) and the Nats are ranked #1 in doing things the right way.  The stadium is downtown, climate is good, fans are engaged, and there are chill bars all around the neighborhood.  Not a shitty strip like Wrigleyville but an actual neighborhood for people to disburse around and drink.  Most importantly – breweries.  Crowd control is on point for summer baseball/drinking.

On the flip side we have houston fans who were no joke trying to give away game 7 tickets today are you kidding me??  $337 to get in to a GAME 7 holy shit.  Just when I thought things couldn’t be more embarrassing.

In their defense it must’ve sucked hard for anyone there in person to witness their beloved disastros choke away a dynasty like that.  I’m sure it was very emotional for each of those literally 0.00 total fans going back to 2013.  All of that excessive tanking, cyber theft, sign stealing, and general corrosion to the integrity of the game for what?  Getting one strike further than the Rangers got and then being immortalized in one of the most embarrassing upsets in baseball history.

Thank god they got Osuna.  Thank fucking god those houston take it up the astros got Osuna.

Life is good Rangers fans!  It truly is the best.

 

*Robinson Chirinos too. Way to still suck you loser 😂

The Disastros Dynasty Is Canceled

Cowboys Rebound on Primetime and Clinch Division by Halloween

Maher and Dak

America’s Team was facing a season on the brink until the clock struck primetime and we blessed the nation with a complete and thorough ass kicking to lock up the NFC East by halftime.  That was so easy!  Who would’ve thought at this time two years ago that Dak would be the perennial MVP candidate and Wentz would be the one year wonder?  For some reason a lot of people thought the opposite at first, but Sunday night showed the stark difference between having a god at quarterback vs having a quarterback that worships god.

Everything about this performance in every aspect of the game was perfect.  It was clear that we were hiding packages last week, but Kellen and Kris got free rein for this matchup and are back to being our new Payton/Zimmer duo.  The players themselves were also perfect, but the single greatest moment was our future Hall of Fame kicker making history:

That’s a 73mph cannon shot dead center through the uprights with room to spare, just like his 60 yarders were the past two weeks.  He is now the greatest of all time at kicking from 60+.  Maher was our biggest liability coming out of camp and he’s had some bad misses on short attempts this year, but this has to be the type of history making confidence boost that propels him to true stardom.  If we had brought him out for the last play at the dome (68 yards), we would’ve beaten the Saints 13-12 and would pretty much have a bye locked up by now.  Unfortunately we didn’t, but we’ll make up for it in the playoffs by going back there to be the team that ends Drew Brees’s career.

On the flip side, Philly is in an absolute tailspin with a broken quarterback that everyone hates, and their Super Bowl is looking more and more like a forgettable fluke with each passing week.  In fact, before long the haters will be roping this win into the same group as those ‘empty wins’ from our first three weeks.  That’s okay.  We have a bye week and then the Giants (primetime MNF) to give us a rest over the next couple of weeks, and then a string of six straight games against winning teams to get some strong game reps and build up for the playoffs while not having to worry about any teams behind us in the division.

Cowboys Rebound on Primetime and Clinch Division by Halloween

The Crybaby Disastros Are Embarrassing Themselves

astros fan

Congratulations to the crybaby disastros for shitting the bed both on and off the diamond so far.  Their assistant gm started things off by shaking the woke hive with his Osuna comments.  Look at this fucken weirdo:

He looks like he fits right in with those supposed rocket scientist execs that are so ‘analytically adept’ at stealing signs, stealing proprietary data, tanking, and probably juicing too.  It’s crazy that someone from such a smart organization could make himself look so incredibly unintelligent by trolling a DV activist right after Osuna blew a save and almost the whole season with it.  It’s also crazy that they thought the rest of Americans believe in ‘fake news’ just like people from houston do.  Unbelievable!

Not me.

I’m not gonna lie – I actually do want to stick up for houston in this case.  The reporter he was trolling tweets out a DV hotline number every time Osuna takes the mound, which is just excessive virtue signaling at this point.  I normally wouldn’t mind leaving this be and focusing on the multitude of other reasons to hate this franchise, but they’ve lost that privilege with me and any self-respecting Rangers fan because of their ethics in the past.

Remember in 2017 when a city full of climate denying oil servants fell victim to a hurricane?  They tried to extort us into swapping home series which would have ruined any chance we had of making the playoffs.  I wrote back then about how it was complete bullshit and a stupid reason to lose the 1 seed.  They called us unethical for not forfeiting our season in the name of compassion, when really they were just exploiting a hurricane to try and keep us out of the playoffs.  After all, we were 28-10 against them the prior two years and posed the best threat to their tanking endgame because we so thoroughly dominated them at the time.

Well now things are different and we’re in a rebuild while they’re fielding the best baseball roster ever assembled in another World Series.  It’s too bad Cole and Verlander reverted back to their Pirates and Tigers form (drug tests?).  It would be a real shame if the legacy of all that extreme tanking turns out to be one memorable World Series where the whole country laughed at the take it up the astros for getting their shit wrecked by a +200 underdog.  That would be a real shame for sure.

The Crybaby Disastros Are Embarrassing Themselves

Lowly Lions Lose Late Last Night

Lions Flowers

When Detroit plays on primetime you know they’re either gonna lose embarrassingly like the jets opener last year or depressingly like the Seattle batted ball game and the packers Hail Mary.

Megatron gif

Monday night fell into the latter category because of those two absolute horse shit hands to the face penalties.  Honestly the last time I can remember a season where people weren’t freaking out over refs had to have been as far back as when Barry still loved football.  Usually it’s just outrage culture bullshit, but this year there’s merit because these of these fake replay reforms.  I hope the NFL isn’t becoming the new NBA, but Occam’s razor is starting to give me doubts.

Unfortunately this game was also a bad look for Frat Stafford as he once again showed America that he’s as bad at sealing 4th quarters as Kershaw is at pitching playoffs.  It’s hard to feel sorry for a veteran NFL quarterback from Highland Park but I’m almost starting to with Stafford.  Wild to think that a #1 pick could have such a long career with Megatron and wind up with such an empty legacy, but here we are.  It just goes to show you that passing stats are like bikinis – they look sexy but they don’t show you the real thing.

Of course it also doesn’t help that his offensive coordinator is notorious choker Darrell Bevell.  I really find it odd that he and Patricia are working together.  I mean on that Super Bowl goal line stand Patricia raped Bevell harder than he raped that one girl on spring break 1996.  It’s just an odd replacement for Jim Bob Cooter and an odd dynamic all around.

Lowly Lions Lose Late Last Night