FC Dallas U15 Squad Scrimmages USWNT, Bitch Slaps Them 5-2

uswnt equal pay

Big time heartbreak last week, really tough pill to swallow for us diehard FC Dallas fans. We went on the road as huge underdogs to the Mexicans and came so close to glory.  A sick 86′ header to equalize the aggregate score followed up by conceding the shittiest goal of all time.

It sucked even worse for fanboy bettors who had FC Dallas +1.5, smh.

Anyway, I just learned something today that made me forget about Champion’s League and start getting stoked for the long term future of the franchise…  Our Under 15 squad just walloped the USWNT in a scrimmage!!  It wasn’t even close either.  Our middle school academy squad beat the women’s world cup champions 5-2!  Unreal.

I know I recently wrote that its time to stop pretending we actually care about the women’s national team, but now my tune is starting to change.  I’m gonna pretend this whole USWNT craze was actually worth a shit.  Who cares about the Olympics and SheBelieves Cup (what?) disappointments, we won a fucking world cup!  Let’s actually give some legit lip service to the feminist SJWs and their ‘equal pay for equal play’ movement.

In the meantime, lets get these 13 and 14 year old FC Dallas kids into the men’s team academy ASAP.  They can be our squad for Qatar 2022 and we’ll basically be a lock for four straight World Cups from there on out.  No doubt about it when you see what they’re already doing to current world cup champions.  Finally, the superstars we’ve been waiting for are arriving!  God I feel better about everything now.

FC Dallas U15 Squad Scrimmages USWNT, Bitch Slaps Them 5-2

Decade of Disappointment – Ranking Romo’s Collapses


I know this is long as shit, but I had to get some feelings out.

11. 2006: Wild Card Rd – Seattle 21, Dallas 20

The worst part of the game was not the infamous botched field goal (there was plenty enough time to lose anyway), but rather everything that led up to it.  We scored six total points off two turnovers inside Seattle territory.  Romo threw for a measly 189 yards, fumbled, converted only 4 of 13 3rd downs (which is really bad), and smirked like a smug little shit to Parcells every time he came off the field.  Three months earlier, he was a no-name UDFA backup, and now he was a cocky fuckhead who seemed more concerned about his pregame rituals with Carrie Underwood than focusing for big time winter NFL games.

Rex Grossman’s Bears won the NFC that year, and Parcells decided to quit coaching shortly after.

10. 2007: Divisional Rd – Giants 21, Cowboys 17

Worst loss in franchise history no doubt about it.  People who say Romo never had a great supporting cast completely forgot about the 2007 season.  We had it all – great defense, stacked o-line, TO, Witten, MBIII, etc.  We cruised to the 1 seed, but unfortunately December came and Romo got distracted by starlet #2: Jessica Simpson.  He took her out to Cabo during the bye week before leading his team to crap the bed against the Giants.

9. 2008: Week 17 – Eagles 44, Cowboys 6

Worst regular season loss in franchise history no doubt about it.  People that say Romo never had a great a supporting cast completely forgot about the 2008 season.  All the same players from 2007 plus Roy Williams and Pac-Man Jones.  Started the season on Hard Knocks acting like hot shit, ended it getting thrashed in a do-or-die game at Philly.

Citing servicemen who were currently in Iraq at the time, Romo explained that his three turnovers did not matter because “if this is the worst thing that will ever happen to me, then I’ve lived a pretty good life.”  Really cheered us all up…

8. 2009: Divisional Rd – Vikings 34, Cowboys 3

Three fumbles (losing two), an interception, and six sacks en route to getting our ass pounded by Minnesota.  For what it’s worth, I’d like to point out to all the people who say Romo’s never had a good defense that our 2009 squad was historically great and had nine straight shutout quarters going into the playoffs.  At least this time the choke job wasn’t against a division rival!

7. 2010: Week 7 – Giants 41, Cowboys 35

Romo ended his 2010 season with a broken collarbone on Monday Night Football.  We had a promising 1-4 record before he went down.

6. 2011: Week 17 – Giants 31, Cowboys 14

Team culture and discipline took a turn for the better under Jason Garrett’s first full season as head coach, but a 1-5 December finish with Romo at the helm looked all too familiar.  This was the second time Romo went on the road for a week 17 with a do-or-die matchup, and it was the second time that a division rival stripped our fanbase of its dignity.

5. 2012: Week 17 – Redskins 28, Cowboys 18

Now a 10 year veteran of the league, Romo was blessed with a perfect opportunity to finally shed his choke artist stigma at the end of 2012.  In a showdown against recently hobbled rookie RG3, Romo started the game by throwing two interceptions on his first two drives.  Despite the horrific start, we found ourselves down by only 3 with 3:30 to go when Romo threw another god awful pick to complete the trifecta of divisional death knells.

Three months later, rival NFC East fans rejoiced when Romo got a big fat 6 year, $108M extension.  It was a key factor in losing Demarcus Ware and Demarco Murray, and we have yet to sign a notable free agent since.

4. 2013: Week 15 – Packers 37, Cowboys 36

2013 was known for two classic Romo moments…  There was the epic week 5 duel against Peyton Manning that ended with a back breaking interception.  Then, there was the epic week 15 duel against Matt Flynn that ended with two back breaking interceptions on the final two drives.

3. 2014: Divisional Rd – Packers 26, Cowboys 21

Talk to anybody in the DFW metroplex and they’ll tell you this was the year Romo redeemed himself and affirmed himself as a clutch quarterback.  Apparently, his whole narrative would be different if the refs hadn’t ‘screwed us over’ on the Dez call (it was the correct call).  Then, we would’ve been able to stop Aaron Rodgers on the next drive (lol), then gone to Seattle and surely beat the Seahawks (okay sure), and then who knows how we fare against the Pats?? (oh jeez)

Ironically, people forget that we were just one week removed from Romo lucking out of the biggest choke job of his career against Detroit(!) in the wild card.  They somehow forget that the refs simultaneously waved off a clear PI flag while ignoring a blatant personal foul on Dez.  They forget that Jim Caldwell opted for a 10 yard punt on 4th and 1.  And they forget that Romo took six sacks and nearly lost a fumble before the football gods took pity on him.

2. 2015: Thanksgiving Day – Panthers 33, Cowboys 14

After breaking his collarbone (while trying to recover his own fumble) and missing most of the season, we had big hopes for Romo to salvage the season before a big turkey day match against the Panthers.  He proceeded to throw three interceptions (two pick sixes) in the first half and then re-broke his collarbone in the second half.

1. 2016: FREEDOM!!!

Upon finally getting benched in favor of our Lord and Savior Dak Prescott, we got our fucking swagger back and rode some rookies all the way to overtime of the divisional round.  Its further than we ever advanced in the playoffs with Romo.

Decade of Disappointment – Ranking Romo’s Collapses