The Pelicans Are Back to Benching Zion and It’s Stupid

The Pelicans training staff has really emphasized the anal in their analytics all year, but last night has put me at the breaking point. Zion Williamson had 13 points in his first 15 minutes, and then he never scored again because he wasn’t allowed to play anymore. It’s truly baffling how much the Pels are…

Is Joey Gallo God?

If Joey Gallo isn’t god himself, he certainly has a close connection to the man upstairs as this moonshot was headed straight his way It was the first home run in Globe Life Field, known locally and here forevermore as ‘The Gilf’. It was also one of the only times our offense ever scored in…

Life as a Marlins Fan Gets off to a Rocky Start

My first weekend of baseball as a Marlins fan was the best of times and the worst of times. We took two out of three at philly and Alcantara is a bonafide ace. That was the best of times. Immediately following Sunday’s 10-6 thrashing of those scumbag phillies, the worst of times began as my…

Cancel the WNBA

Earlier this month, WNBA owner Kelly Loeffler hopped on the show of her fellow mannish-looking blonde to rail against the Black Lives Matter movement. She later doubled down by saying BLM support could make some fans ‘feel excluded’. So that means conservative WNBA fans exist? Bah hahahah what a joke! Say what you want about…

Rangers 90:1 Is the Lottery Ticket of the Century

This opening day is as good a time as any to remember that pre-trash can era, the Rangers dominated the American League. Not only did we make a mockery of the disastros in head to heads, but we cranked out division titles year after year as well as a bunch of 1 seeds and a…

New Baseball Tradition Proposal – Disastros Day

The single worst consequence of Covid-season is the reprieve that the lying, cheating disastros get for their shame tour. Back in March, we were all hyped up to follow these scumbags across the country and boo their existence in every single road game. In this new reality, the best we can do is yell into…