The Baseball Gambling Gods Have Blessed Us at the Greatest Possible Time


As if the World Series wasn’t already shaping up to be dope as fuck, we now get to gamble on a Mets series price that is… +160?? Ohh my fucking great, loving baseball gods. Thank you so much!!

I advise all of you to bet your entire bank account on it.  Literally, every single penny.  You can sacrifice to the gods later when you’re loaded as fuck.

Don’t believe me? Allow me to break it down for you…

Bartolo Colon’s Heroics Makes Game 4 a Lock

First off, lets reexamine Colon’s epic performance last night.  He didn’t win, but he forced Chris Young to go through half a game’s work before KC could finish the job.  That’s going to fuck the Royals in game 4.  They’ll need all the luck in the world if they want to beat Matz on Saturday night with a fatigued 36 yr old Chris Young or a, lol, Danny Duffy…

Johnny Cueto Is a Fucking Fraud

I told y’all over the summer that Cueto was a fucking fraud, and since then all he’s done is have an atrocious last two months of the season and a piss poor postseason.

Everyone points to that game 5 against Houston as a possible turning point for him, but he was going up against a shellshocked young team and still got put in an early 2-0 hole.  The Mets will not be so forgiving…

With tonight and a possible game 7 being a DeGrom-Cueto matchup, I think its safe to say that the Mets are guaranteed to win one of those and that is being very conservative.

Citi Field Swagger = Mets Domination

After tonight, we have three straight games at Citi Field.  This bodes much worse for KC than it does for the Mets whenever they have to play at the K.  In New York, the Royals are going to lose Morales as their DH.  He’s hitting #5 right now, so not only are they losing a key cog in the middle of their lineup, but they’re replacing him with an automatic out.

The Mets, on the other hand, are replacing dog shit Kelly Johnson with a pitcher who will only be slightly worse at the plate (remember, especially with Matz, the Mets rotation is arguably the least shittiest at hitting).  That is huge.

So the Mets get big time rule change advantages for games 3-5, and they also have cushy starting pitching matchups, especially in Game 4.  Add in the fact that the Mets are fucking awesome at home and you can guarantee they win 2 out of 3 at Citi, and again that is being very conservative.

Ryan Madsen Sucks

Holy shit.  Is Ned Yost really going to keep pitching Madsen in the 8th?  That’s not gonna turn into a disaster at all…  He brought Madsen in last night, once again showing that he fails to realize that there is a difference in regular season and postseason pressure. If he doesn’t move Herrerra into the setup man role, this vaunted KC bullpen could very easily be downgraded to just above average

(btw, Herrerra threw 35 pitches last night and is basically out tonight, so we’re almost guaranteed to see Madsen again unless Cueto can stop pitching like a fucking fraud).

Recent Competition – Not a Good Look KC

I respect that the Royals are clutch, that they’re gamers and they find ways to win.  But lets also remember that this team was down to a 1% chance of advancing past the Astros in the ALDS.  The Astros are not good.  The Blue Jays are very talented, but their mental tenacity is nonexistant, and teams that throw games don’t go to the World Series.

The Mets, on the other hand, blew right through one of the best 1-2 pitching duos in history, and then swept a team that manhandled the Cardinals.

Vegas Odds Don’t Add Up

So lets get this straight…  We conservatively estimated three guaranteed wins out of the six possible remaining games.  In addition, Vegas is favoring them to win the next four games.

They’re favored tonight at -120.  Game 3’s Thor/Ventura matchup will probably be around -150 to the Mets.  Game 4 should probably be in the -200s with Matz going up against Young or Duffy.  Game 5 is scary because of the thought of Volquez doing one of those Favre/MNF emotional performances, but its Harvey at home and the Mets will still be favorites.

We have three guaranteed wins on our own analysis, and Vegas is looking to favor NY in the next four games, and the Mets are +160 UNDERDOGS right now??  Get the fuck outta here.

The Baseball Gambling Gods Have Blessed Us at the Greatest Possible Time

Torii Hunter’s Retirement Brings Back My Nightmares

Torii Hunter So Close

So close…  Sooooo fucking close to making the greatest catch of all time.

Torii Hunter is 100% a Hall of Famer and anyone who says otherwise has a stick up their ass and doesn’t know what they’re talking about.  He was a true five tool player and a key cog for three separate perennial playoff teams.  For nearly two decades, he was smack dab in the middle of any debate on who the best center fielder in baseball was.  Torii Hunter was true greatness.

But man, any time I think of him now, I get haunted by that play.  Only Torii Hunter could’ve snagged that ball in a moment like that, and god damn he was so close to pulling it off.  It would’ve changed EVERYTHING.  Detroit would’ve gone to the World Series again and they would’ve pounded the shit out of the Cardinals.  The Tigers would’ve finally gotten the ring they deserved (their teams were fucking stacked).  And Boston sports fans would be slightly less insufferable.

Man, if only…

Torii Hunter’s Retirement Brings Back My Nightmares

Andre Ellington Clearly has never played Madden

Come on dude… Press the X button on yourself and go down!

It was a great catch and run to get the first down to close out what should have been an orgasm inducing series of play calls.  The Jermaine Gresham screen was brilliant to start with.  Then when you have 2nd and 19 after a holding penalty?  Fuck the predictable run that Baltimore was ready to stuff, throw a short pass underneath the coverage to kill them with some YAC.  Then the swap screen to Red Jesus.  Just beautiful…

If Ellington had gone down instead of out of bounds, it’s pretty much game over.  Fortunately for him, the Cards were at home so they were able to short circuit Baltimore’s headsets for the final drive.

Andre Ellington Clearly has never played Madden

Give Ned Yost Canadien Citizenship

ned yost

Leave it up to someone who was fired by the Brewers to be dumb enough to bring in Madsen tonight. Joey Bautista comes up as the tying run and what does he decide?  Nah fuck my world class closer. Fuck Herrera. Let’s bring in the guy with 5 earned runs over 5.1 innings.  Just brilliant…

Fortunately for Yost, his baseball acumen turned out to be slightly less shitty than the mental tenacity of the Blue Jays.

Give Ned Yost Canadien Citizenship

For the First Time in My Life, I’m Jealous of a Cubs Fan

For the first time ever in my whole life, I feel jealousy towards a Cubs fan.  It has nothing to do with their overrated team that can’t hit power pitching for shit. No, I’m jealous of this lucky dude that got a perfect view of Sam Ryan’s ass tonight…

I admit hooking up with Sam Ryan would be pretty fucking dope, but she actually does not crack #1 on my fantasy list.  That honor goes to MLB Network’s Heidi Watney…

heidiwatney0 HeidiWatney heidiwatney2 heidiwatney3

Sweet jesus.  She’s had me so fucking smitten all season.

Not only is Heidi just straight up more attractive, but I also prefer my ambitious girls to be blonde instead of brunette.  Don’t get me wrong, brunettes are awesome and most of them are more dateable than the average blonde, but shit changes when we filter down to just the fierce, career-driven women.

Most working blondes tend to be really fun to hang out with outside of their jobs.  Brunettes, on the other hand, tend to be a lot more serious in the office and carry all their work shit over to personal lives.  They’re still cool, but not as fun as the ambitious blondes…

My personal hypothesis is that brunettes become ultra competitive after ending up in 2nd place on all of their adolescent crushes’ hotness rankings.  And that competitive fire has a big impact on their yuppie lifestyles.  And hey that’s still really hot for some people, but not my own personal first preference.

PS – how did that hag in the front row in the video get such a nice seat?  While we’re at it we might as well give away some outfield tickets to the ugliest fans of the year.

For the First Time in My Life, I’m Jealous of a Cubs Fan

Johnny Cueto Doing Johnny Cueto


Anybody who thought Johnny Cueto was gonna win tonight should’ve listened to me back in August when I told y’all that he was a fucking fraud.

2 innings, 10 baserunners, and 8 hits later I guess you finally get your confirmation. And then he spends the rest of the game giggling and smiling in the dugout. Not the type of guy you want as an ace but he’ll make a great #3 for whoever signs him this winter.

Johnny Cueto Doing Johnny Cueto