I know I should be happy after winning a fuck ton of money but what the fuck it is impossible to not be infuriated at the fact that the Chiefs are already in the playoffs.  This has to be a joke.  They fucking suck!

They played good teams at the beginning of the year when they had Jamaal Charles and they shat the bed every week.  Now they’re playing all the shitty teams on their worst weeks and they get to clinch before a team that’s had to battle all year like the Steelers?  Fuck that.

I remember back when it was cool to talk shit about Andy Reid and argue that he was an overrated coach that always fucked up in the playoffs.  That was back when I was about 13…  For some reason it’s still a thing to this day and man i dunno whether to be ashamed or impressed

A quick recap of the past week…

Motivation: catching up to the winnings of this cunt.

Christmas Eve locks: 3-0, +3 units

Boxing Day locks: 6-0, +5.6 units

That puts me at 9-0 and up $86k in just three days.  Well fuck yeah…  What a magical holiday season for Wilbanks (and anybody following me)!

I doubt I go undefeated again today because I have a higher quantity of picks, but there is no doubt in my mind I’ll be in there green on the day and will probably have matched the $100k of that dumb bitch in Vegas by the end of the day.

Browns +12.5 at Chiefs

The Chiefs will probably win, but they’re not good enough to be laying this many points.  I’ll take my boy Johnny Football getting spotted multiple scores.

Colts (+120 moneyline) at Dolphins

The line is 2.5, but I don’t see how the Colts lose this game.  Matt Hasselbeck is starting and the Dolphins fucking blow.

Jets +3 vs Pats

These games are really competitive even when the Jets suck, and now the Jets are decent.  The Pats are sorting through injury issues and don’t need this win as badly as the Jets.  I’ll definitely take the home team spotted a field goal.

Falcons +7.5 vs Panthers

I know the Panthers are awesome and the Falcons suck, but it’s really hard to lay a ton of points like this on the road against a division rival, especially in the second matchup of the season.  These teams play each other too much and are too familiar with each other for blowouts to be commonplace.  If the Saints can cover this spread, the Falcons can.

Ravens +10 vs Steelers

Same logic as the Falcons/Panthers game, except now we’re getting even more points with the home team.  And we get John Harbaugh game planning for us instead of Dan Quinn?  Yes please!

Titans +4 (-120) vs Texans

I really wish my boy Mariota was playing, but I’m still comfortable getting 4 points at home against a dog shit Texans team starting Brandon Weeden.  The line is 3.5, but the price for buying up to 4 was cheap so might as well take a little insurance.

Cowboys +6.5 at Bills

The Cowboys suck, but the Bills also suck and should not be laying 6.5 points.  Cowboys players (like their starting QB Kellen Moore) are playing for their jobs next year while rumor has it the Bills are rolling their eyes at Rex Ryan these day.

Cardinals -207 moneyline vs Packers

Carson Palmer at home against a suspect pass D?  They definitely gonna win.

Rams +14 (-140) at Seahawks

The Rams have QB issues, but they’ve always had QB issues and are still always competitive against the Seahawks.  I think their defense gets enough done to keep this within two scores.  The line is 13.5 but I bought a half point.

Giants +7 at Vikings

If the Packers lose today, the Vikings could very well be resting players and hiding their best plays for the NFC North championship game next week.  Even without Beckham, 7 points is way too much to lay against Eli Manning and Tom Coughlin.

Navy -3 vs Pitt

Navy is awesome and Pitt sucks.  Do you think Keenan Reynolds is gonna let a loss happen in the Military Bowl???  Fuck no.

Bengals +3.5 at Broncos

Getting a field goal and the hook with my boy AJ McCarron and the stacked Bengals roster?  Yeah I’ll take that.

So Al-Jazeera is supposed to air a ‘shocking’ documentary tonight exposing rampant HGH use in the NFL.  Uh…  No shit?  I’m not sure how this is news.  And who seriously cares about this anymore?  It’s 2015…  The time to get upset over PEDs passed ten years ago.

I’m not disappointed at all if Peyton Manning was dosing up on HGH.  I’d actually be happy if he did it because his 2013 campaign was one of the dopest QB seasons we’ve ever witnessed.  If anything, I’d be upset to learn that Tony Romo and Sean Lee have been too scared to get into that shit and that’s why they’re always on the injured list.

Fran Tarkenton says that HGH is too great of a danger to players’ long term health.  But do we really care?  Honestly, no…  Everyone pretends that they care, but nobody’s actions actually back that up.  People have been saying football is too dangerous for all these players since as early as I can remember, and I can’t name a single person that has ever actually stopped watching football because of it.  Do the players really care about what will happen to them?  Honestly, no…

 

Also, if cloning technology ever gets to the level that it is in The 6th Day, I’m totally on board with a rule letting teams do what the Roadrunners did to Johnny Phoenix.  Maybe only allow it once a season or so though.  We really could’ve used that in Week 2…

My quest to match the winnings of that stupid whore in Vegas is off to a great start.  Three for three on Christmas Eve bitches!  My units are $10,000 each, so I’m already up $30k… Fuck yeah!!  Everything’s coming up for Wilbanks right now.  Might as well hop on this train yourself before we get to full steam…

Washington State -3 vs Miami

My boy Luke Falk is fully recovered from attempted murder and a subsequent follow up concussion.  Sure, Miami got a cool new head coach, but he’s nothing compared to Mike Leach.  Easy as fuck lock!!

Washington -8.5 vs Southern Miss (also -330 moneyline)

The Chris Peterson era has officially arrived in Seattle and this team is starting to look awesome.  Southern Miss had a solid season and probably would’ve won the Conference USA if they didn’t have like 10 injuries in a row in their championship game, but Washington has been blowing out way better teams than this.  Laying a lot of points is annoying, so I’m doing one unit at Huskies -8.5 and one unit on their moneyline.  I know that’s a lot to risk, but it’s not that scary when you’re going with a sure thing.

Nebraska +7 (-120) vs UCLA (also +220 moneyline for 1/2 unit)

Sometimes TJ Armstrong is a really dope black QB for Nebraska, but sometimes he really sucks.  UCLA occasionally looks like a legit squad, but more often than not they look like shit.  Might as well take the value with Nebraska when the spread is as large as this.  The line is at 6.5, but I’m buying an extra half point at the bigger juice.  Not gonna need the insurance, but I might as well be safe.  I also have half a unit (5 grand) on the moneyline.

Redskins +3 at Eagles

Both these teams suck but the Redskins suck a lot less and they don’t have Chip Kelly, so we gotta grab those points.

While most of the western world is worshipping Jesus right now, the god I’m honoring tonight is Charles Woodson.  A vintage bro.  The last of his kind.  Heisman winner as a fucking DB!!!  Are we ever gonna see that shit again?  No way.  He would be a lot more chill if he never played for Green Bay, but shit happens…

Tuck rule??  Really?  Bullshit.  Fumble!!!

You know that parallel universe where this call stood, Boston crucified Belichick for kicking Bledsoe to the curb, and the Patriots haven’t won shit?  Yeah, that place is so much more chill than where we’re living at right now…

RIP Charles Woodson’s career.  I’m gonna miss your era so dearly.  True football…  No fantasy, no bitching about concussions,  just blissful ignorance and glory days.

I’m still stewing over that dumb bitch who thinks she’s a better gambler than me, so I’ve decided to gamble aggressively and try to match her winnings by the end of bowl season.  Of course, I’m gonna have to do my fucking homework and get this shit right in order to not end up in the poorhouse, so I can’t think of anyone better than me to follow right now if you wanna make some money.

Western Michigan vs. Middle Tennessee St. Over 64.5 points

I don’t know anything about Middle Tennessee St, and not much about Western Michigan except they had some pretty good showings in the MAC, including a big win over Toledo to knock them out of the championship game.  I think Western Michigan is gonna win, but literally every single expert I’ve read says this is gonna be a high scoring game.  Never seen such a unanimous opinion on an outcome before in my life.  You can bet your ass I’m betting the farm on the over.

San Diego St -3 vs Cincinnati

San Diego State tore it up in the Mountain West this year, and Cincinnati was a pretty shitty ACC team.  It’s fair to argue that the ACC is a lot stronger than the Mountain West, but the Bearkats are gonna be without Gunner Kiel, their starting QB, due to some shady sounding suspension and that’s going to let me lean on fading them with ease.

Raiders -230 vs Chargers

There’s no question about it that the Raiders are going to win tonight.  The  Chargers have to not give a shit by this point in the season, and the Raiders are young and trying to prove shit and win spots.  It’s also Charles Woodson’s last home game and you know they have to give him a huge sendoff on primetime.  I’m confident in Oakland covering the 5 point spread, but the moneyline is a 100% winner and you might as well be safe going with that.

There’s a little story brewing up in Boston and I have no idea how it’s not a  bigger deal right now.   Nick Roberto, a winger on BU’s hockey team, had been scratched since the beginning of the season pending an investigation into ‘some very serious allegations’, and he ended up suspended for good earlier this week on what are seemingly innocuous charges of betting on sports with bookies.

However, rumor has it there is something much bigger at play here…  Apparently, a handful of players got in real deep with a giant gambling ring and amassed up to $50k in debt.  Investigators found that other players were involved as well, but they aren’t on the team anymore.  Two of the five players that recently departed are #2 overall pick Jack Eichel (yikes!) and Matt O’Connor, the goalie who let in this super sketchy game winning losing goal in the national championship.

You can check out more highlights of Providence upset over #3 Boston here…

This is all shady as fuck, but it’s still fair to be skeptical that the national championship was actually rigged.  It’s really hard to bet on college hockey.  My bookie doesn’t even offer it, and the I think the max limit in Vegas for a game is $5,000.  It’s hard to imagine anybody or any group laying enough money on Providence to cover and profit from a $50k debt and not get noticed by the bookmakers.  Also, the goalie just signed a $925,000 contract and surely wouldn’t have issues covering debt without fixing a game.  Did he hate the program anyways and decide that despite being rich, he still preferred being $50k richer?  Possibly…

No matter what happened, one definite takeaway from this is that there should be no debate on whether or not to allow athletes to gamble on sports.  Some people are complaining that this dude Roberto shouldn’t be suspended because he’s not harming anybody by gambling, but that’s a load of shit.

If anybody fucks up and gets into debt, things like this happen.  That’s how Tim Donaghy got forced to piss all over Steve Nash’s legacy.  It’s happened tons of times in college.  It obviously went down in 1919.  And it’s not okay being a part of sports.

Besides, why do athletes need to gamble in the first place?  When we gamble, we’re just trying to satisfy some competitive urges that athletes get way bigger rushes from when they get to actually play the sports themselves.  There’s no point in them getting involved in this shit.  And don’t tell me about college athletes being poor and needing money.  Everyone in college is poor.

I love Pete Rose to death and he was awesome on Fox this fall, but anybody bitching about him being banned from the game needs to get their heads out of their asses.  Gambling is cool for dumb degenerates like me, but anybody involved in the actual business of sports needs to stay the hell away from it.

They say that resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die…  I know how stupid it seems to harbor so much anger over someone that in no way negatively impacts your life, but I can’t help but feel my blood boil when I think of this broad who won $100K on her second ever sports bet.

Are you fucking kidding me?  It’s gonna take me years to match the gambling winnings of this dumb bitch and she doesn’t even know how a point spread works…  Fuck this god damned cunt!

The worst part of this story might be that she is from Boston and has a Celtics tattoo.  Disgusting.  I hope she gets addicted to gambling now and blows all her winnings and then some.  Somebody take this stupid whore to the casino and get her on the high limit slots ASAP.

She can go straight to fucking hell.

 

I can’t decide what is funnier about the situation in Cincinnati right now.  The god awful throw that preceded Dalton’s injury…

Or the fact that Bengals fans had legit hope in him to begin with…

Am I missing something here?  The way the sky seems to be falling up in Cincy, you’d think that Andy Dalton was actually a good quarterback.  But, he’s not.  ESPECIALLY in the playoffs…

That is absolutely horrendous.  One touchdown in four games.  ONE TOUCHDOWN!!  And six picks.

It’s not like he’s been shitting the bed against good teams either.  All four of those opponents ended up getting their asses handed to them later on.  One of them was against TJ Yates for christ’s sake!

These games aren’t even close.  They’ve all been blowouts except for 2012, when Matt Schaub(!) managed to fuck up slightly less times than Dalton and the Texans laughed their way to the divisional round after this epic fuck up…

Listen, I’m a TCU fan.  I like the guy.  But the case on him is pretty damn well closed now…  He’s not just bad in playoff games, he’s bad in all night games.  He’s bad any time he’s under duress.  He’s bad whenever he plays good teams (see tweet above).  He can consistently lead a team to the playoffs if he has a great roster around him, but he’s just not cut out for the big stage.

This is why I don’t understand all the grief in Cincy…  They’re acting as dumb as their state brethren up north.  Instead of having to watch the biggest fraud in the NFL inevitably run their playoff drought to the 25 year mark, Cincinnati gets a shining fucking bright beacon of hope.  An ice cold bro who lives for the big moments and has a laundry list of mega clutch throws.  One of the most storied (two time) champions in sports history…

That’s right.  AJ fucking McCarron!

I know his physical tools aren’t necessarily what you hope for in a full time starter, but he doesn’t need to be good.  The Bengals have a stacked roster, especially on offense.  He just needs to suck a lot less than Dalton, and I can’t think of a better young backup QB for this situation.

You think AJ McCarron’s gonna shell up under the spotlight?  Is his confidence ever gonna wilt when the pressure gets too high?  Fuck no.  If anything, this is a step down from the scrutiny he faced as he lead Nick Saban’s powerhouse to immortality (while injured, btw).  Some people say he’s too confident…

“You’ve got to love pressured moments…  That’s when the great ones really shine. I guess Tom Brady was in this same situation when he had the opportunity, so I’ve got to make the most of it”

Personally, I think comparing his situation to Tom Brady’s is bullshit because it’s a huge insult to Drew Bledsoe.  Bledsoe was a fucking legend that brought a whole franchise up from the ashes.  Dalton is trash.

Cincinnati fans – turn those frowns upside down!  Your chances at a playoff win just went from 0% to something like, ohh maybe 15% or so…  That’s not bad!

Still feeling down?  Then you must be a gay, cuz with McCarron we get to see more of this fine piece of Alabama ass on TV…

Dusty Baker found himself caught up in a little shit storm at the winter meetings last week when he was bemoaning the whiteness lack of athleticism on his roster…

“The No. 1 thing that’s missing … is speed. You know, with the need for minorities, you can help yourself. You’ve got a better chance of getting some speed with Latin and African-Americans.  I’m not being racist.  That’s just how it is.”

The PC Police is all up in arms, but I don’t see the issue here…  Everybody who’s played sports before knows this as a fact.  Dusty Baker really isn’t being racist, he’s actually telling it how it is.  Everybody who has black friends is comfortable accepting this fact and voicing it aloud.  If sheltered white writers and internet commenters are still learning the basics of how genetics work, tough shit for them.

Anyway, this little brouhaha reminded me of something I’ve been a casual proponent of for awhile now. A lot of people say that PED abusers from the 90s and early aughts should have asterisks next to their names if they make it to the Hall of Fame…

Yeah, baseball stats are pretty fucked now.  I get that.  Whatever.  I do agree that an asterisk era in Cooperstown is appropriate, but I couldn’t care less about PEDs.  Instead, there should be an asterisk next to anybody who played in the majors before Jackie Robinson broke the color barrier…

Seriously, whose stats have been skewed more?  The juiced up hitters like Mark McGwire, or people like Christy Mathewson who tore it up back in the day while pitching to a grand total of ZERO BLACK PLAYERS??

Sports are way too easy when you’re excluding the most athletic subset of the human species!  That’s why lacrosse is so popular amongst white people.  It’s not so hard anymore when you’re just as fast and quick as the rest of competition for once…

Even though they’re all dead now and it doesn’t really matter in terms of correcting the past, it’s still important that we recognize how all those farm boys from the early days were going up against some fucking stupid competition before anybody even starts a PED/Cooperstown debate.

 

PS – For the record, Dusty Baker was still an absolutely horrendous hire by Washington.  They all but guaranteed themselves that Strasburg’s arm is gonna blow out for good soon and Scherzer will be a colossal $30M/year deadweight throughout the latter half of his deal.  Harper is bolting as soon as he can and before we know it, the Nats will resemble their predecessors from Montreal.  Couldn’t happen to a better sports market.  LOL @ DC!