Sixto Clock Start to Save the Marlins Season

The Marlins have a Sixto Clock start this afternoon to save the season. The last time Sixto took the mound was on Friday when he and Yu Darvish put on an epic display of pitching porn…

After battling through brutal weather conditions (45 degrees Fahrenheit – what the fuck) to blank the Cubs 2-0 and advance to the NLDS, they celebrated with cigars on Wrigley Field while mocking that dirtbag Phillies analyst who called them bottom feeders.

In all of my time with the Marlins (been a lifelong fan since January), this is by far my proudest moment. What an incredible achievement for a rebuild year, and this squad is just getting started!


Ideally, the good times don’t end at Wrigley. We still have an undefeated all-time postseason series streak to protect, but prospects are looking grim with an 0-2 hole vs Atlanta.

We’ve had our chances, but unfortunately Mattingly has made a couple crucial mistakes.

The first was on Tuesday when he left Sandy out to dry after dealing heroically through the league’s best offense. His pitch count was at 91 and he went back out in the 7th with a one run lead.

Sandy threw four pitches. Here’s two of them…

Instead of giving Yimi Garcia clean bases, our best reliever came in with a two-on jam and the heart of the order up. The lead did not hold.


Unfortunately, it’s an all too familiar mistake for Mattingly. Clayton Kershaw’s playoff pedigree took a turn to the worst because of similar mismanagement in the 2014 NLDS, when twice he had gems that fell apart in the 7th inning. Both times Mattingly had leads, and both times they fell apart with a fatigued pitcher.

When a game is there to win, unload the bullpen!

Mattingly seemed to have learned his lesson against the Cubs when he pulled Sixto after five shutout innings just to be safe. Why didn’t he do it again to steal game 1?

Hopefully it’s the last time he makes this mistake and he doesn’t derail the dynasty.


The second Mattingly mistake is a bit ticky tacky but still a crucial moment in game 2…

Rough break, but in hindsight you have to pull out all the stops to go for the rally.


Matt Joyce was more at fault for the loss. He had a huge AB in the top of the 6th and this says it all…

Mother fucker man.

He’s benched for today and might’ve played his last game for the Marlins. Sad.



One last note before turning my eyes to Sixto is that Acuna is a little bitch and I’ve lost all respect I had for him this season. He will not give that stupid Urena pitch a fucking rest.

Every single time he gets hit, he tries to start a fight. Three Marlins players have been HBP by the Braves more over the last two seasons than Acuna has by us, and none of those three players crowd the plate like Acuna does. Give it a god damn rest already.

This slide is unacceptable and has no place in baseball in 2020. Truly unbelievable, but I bet you won’t see Rojas spending the next two seasons whining and moaning about it.

Fuck Atlanta. Go Fish. 

Sixto Clock Start to Save the Marlins Season

All Aboard the Twins Train

After the horrendous Rangers opening weekend, I needed another AL pet team to ride for this once-in-a-lifetime 60 game season gambling opportunity. Without question, my chase bets went to the Twins.

  • 2 units to win the division at -122 (cha ching!)
  • 1 unit to win the AL at +5500
  • 1 unit to win the WS at +1250

Right now, I’m feeling pretty damn good with the 3 seed and home set against the trash ass disastros. What a time to be alive! Not only is my pet team in a good bracket spot, but they get a warmup round against my most hated sports team of all time. Sick.

Why did I bet the Twins? Aww thanks for asking. I’m surprised you cared!


First and foremost, they have Nelson Cruz and my heart wants him to get a ring so badly. It’s terrible what happened in St Louis nine years ago, and it’s terrible that it happened to him. We don’t get there without Cruz. Period. He was the MVP of the playoffs.

He hit SIX home runs in the ALCS, with two walkoff grand slams! His defense was important too as that cannon saved us Game 4…

He would’ve had the title-winning home run if Ron Washington had just put Endy Chavez in the game instead of proclaiming the 9th inning “up to god’s hands now” (god damnit), or if that scumbag Simon Crowell didn’t exist.

Alas, enough of that, I’m cheering for Cruz to get his rings with the Twins.


The other reason I bet the Twins is that I’m a Jon Daniels apologist and Twins GM Thad Levine is a Jon Daniels protege. That dude is smart as shit and I’ll buy into any team he’s running.

They have an offense that MASHES homers. They have a prototype 5 tool center fielder. They have a talented and fairly deep, albeit inconsistent, bullpen. And they have the second best starting pitcher ERA in the AL (behind only Cleveland’s death rotation).

The best of those pitchers is Kenta Maeda, who Levine traded for in the offseason in what was easily the shrewdest baseball move of the past year. Maeda killed it all season and will finish second in Cy Young voting.

He’s starting this afternoon in a leadoff matinee game (god is great) against that crybaby fuck head Zack Greinke. Twins -160. Lock it down.



I also want to recap how the Twins got to this spot because man oh man was it a wild ride…

They started out on a HOT 10-2 run (one of the losses was a Bieber gem). They had a +30 run differential that was first in the AL by a mile – the next closest at the time was Oakland at +13 – and they led the AL Central by 3 games.

They were scoring early and often, with first inning runs in half of their games (astounding). Out of 108 total innings played, they only trailed after 19 of them.

If you take out the two losses, they were leading after 76/90 innings (84%) and they were tied or leading after 85/90 innings (94%). Truly dominant stuff!

Then the droop came. A 10-14 run against some baaad competition – 21 games against the Royals, Tigers, Brewers, and Pirates. Yeeesh. They entered September trailing the White Sox by 2.5 games.

But then they stormed back with another 10-2 run! It seemed all they needed was better competition to get motivated because they won 2/3 vs the Sox and got a clutch series sweep vs Cleveland.


On September 14, they entered a huge four game mega series at the Sox to decide the division. And they… kind of fucked it all up. They lost games 1 and 2, won game 3, and then were winning most of game 4 until a couple of meltdowns.

The first came from Josh Donaldson right after hitting the biggest home run of the season

Which shouldn’t have mattered, but the bullpen melted down next inning and the Twins couldn’t rally with a giant hole in their 2 spot. It appeared my money was gone…

But lo and behold, the Sox fucking CHOKED. They lost 8 out of 10 and completely fell apart! The Twins won the Central by one game and now it’s house money time baby!

Instead of traveling to Oakland for the first place A’s, we get those soft ass crybaby, lyin’, cheatin’, scoundrel disastros. 

God is great. And god did I love gambling that 60 game season. Indeed, what a time to be alive.

All Aboard the Twins Train

End This Shitty Rangers Season With the Most Epic Silver Boot Ever

Huge loss by the Rangers last night. Huuuuge and clutch loss for us!

We almost screwed ourselves after building 3-0 lead through five. We were looking way too dominant and I was getting pissed.

Finally in the bottom of the 6th, Wes Benjamin was reminded that he’s a 27 year old rookie with no future in the league and was out there for one single job. He got it done. Six run shellacking to pull the D-Bags ahead and save our season.

Jack Leiter, here we come! Wooooh let’s go!

Second-to-last is all but wrapped. The Pirates have a matinee in a few minutes coming up and if they win that, they’ll have fucked up and won a four game series vs the Cubs. Kumar may be in reach!


Four games left vs the crybaby disastros. Should we just let them win and get back to the rivalry next year? Seems like it would be worth it for Kumar, yeah?

Hmm actually, fuck no…

We’re going for that Silver Boot baby! Let’s. Fucking. Go.

Lance Lynn is on the mound tonight. So glad we didn’t trade him. Give it to me Lance! Give it to me Lance! Push! Push!



Other News:

The Marlins have been fucking up. Started off this Braves series with three runs in the top of the 1st, and then gave up four in the bottom frame. They’ve lost all three games and have been outscored 25-9. What the hell?

Fortunately, the phillies have been fucking up worse, losing 3 of 4 to the Nats (the team we beat over the weekend). The magic number has gone from 6 to 3 this week and we haven’t won a game yet. Sick.

Still, it’s only a one game lead right now. Hopefully Pablo Lopez rescues us tonight.


Yu Darvish has his final start tomorrow against the White Sox. He spent most of the year in the drivers seat for Cy Young, but that pissant little bitch Trevor Bauer pitched his fifth straight gem last night. 

Yu was +2500 for Cy Young before the season. As someone who’s on that and also went on Twins to win the Central to make up for all the failed Rangers tickets, this is a huge ass game for me. Definitely will be my intermission activity during Stars.

End This Shitty Rangers Season With the Most Epic Silver Boot Ever

Rangers Can Salvage the Season With a Clutch Loss to Arizona Tonight

In the month that has passed since getting ritually massacred by Slam Diego and their four straight grand slams, the Rangers season has gone from doomed to straight up catastrophic.

They ended that Padres series at 10-14 and proceeded to trash up the joint over the ensuing weeks for a 3-13 record. Somehow, that losing streak was so great that the Rangers finished Labor Day within the grasp of the greatest beacon of hope this franchise has ever seen.

Standing at 13-27, the Rangers were a half game ahead (behind?) the Pittsburgh Pirates for dead last in the MLB and the rights to draft this guy…

Holy shit. Fuck winning. We’re still rebuilding anyway. We can make a run for this blindian sensation and get one of the most badass prospects I’ve ever seen!


Not so fast, says Lance Lynn as he immediately spearheads a series win vs Angels and a split with the freakin 1st place Athletics.

What the hell, man? We had nothing to gain by winning and everything to lose! Why, whhyyyy did we have to start winning all of a sudden?

The worst part – we could have easily traded Lynn for a haul at the deadline. If it weren’t for Shane Bieber, he’d be in the drivers seat of a Cy Young race. He’s an ASSET and then some for prospective playoff teams.

1.93 ERA and .92 WHIP going into the deadline. A 4-1 record with our garbage ass offense. This is a bonified ace starting pitcher for chrissakes! What is he doing on our team still??


Jon Daniels said the offers weren’t good enough, but that’s hard to believe and his seat has grown hotter than it’s ever been. This is a tough pill to swallow.

Anybody’s who’s read my baseblogs before will know that I’m a huge Jon Daniels apologist and that isn’t changing any time soon. I find it impossible to believe he’s as stupid as he’s seemed to look this year.

A more likely theory is that our sketchy-as-hell ownership group found themselves in a serious bind by building a new stadium (albeit after scamming the hell out of Arlington) and opening it in a fan-less pandemic season. On top of oil markets crashing all year, the owners are kind of fucked and need to sell tickets next year. They wouldn’t sign off on a tear-down.

It’s a much more sound theory than the idea that our god GM, who’s been among the smartest men in baseball for 15 years, would be so mind-numbingly over his head at the trade deadline.


Fortunately, there’s still hope for 2020. We won’t be able to finish last place, but it looked like that was out of reach from the start because the Pirates are just so god damn awful that out-losing them was impossible. But we do have a shot at second to last…

And there’s another pitcher from Vandy that’s apparently almost as good as Kumar – Jack Leiter. Oh shit, that’s awesome!

We entered a two game series at Arizona last night, and the Rangers struck first with a clutch as hell blowout loss. D-bags over Rangers in a 7-0 drubbing. Love it.

If we lose tonight, we have a 3.5 game cushion over those fuckers with just four games vs houston remaining. The battle for Leiter would be all but won.

Come on Rangers – LOSE!!

We’re starting some shitty 27 year old rookie named Wes Benjamin.

D-bags -151. Lock it up.

Rangers Can Salvage the Season With a Clutch Loss to Arizona Tonight

Last Week of the Marlins Pennant Race – Magic Number 6

There are seven games left in the Marlins regular season and it’s time to clinch a playoff spot.

We went 4-4 against the Red Sox and Nats over the past week, which is somewhat weak for two bad teams but it doesn’t matter because we beat the piss out of philly in the much more important series beforehand.


On deck to end the season is four games at Braves and then three games at Yankees. Best case scenario: sweep the Braves and leapfrog them for 1st place in the East.

If that doesn’t happen, we have to either (1) finish ahead of the phillies or (2) finish ahead TWO teams of either Cards, Reds, Brewers, or Giants.

The magic number with the phillies is SIX. They have four games at Nats followed by three games at Rays. If the Rays have the AL East locked up by then and rest their starters, then the Yankees would be doing the same thing in our last series. Advantage Marlins for sure.


The computers give us about an 80% chance of clinching, but I think it’s more like 100%. We’ve got a nice week of relatively low stress but still important games coming up. As long as there’s not a total collapse, the Marlins are playing October baseball.

And once that happens, hoo boy watch out. Not only are the Fish undefeated in playoff series all time, but they’ve got a trio of aces – Sixto Sanchez, Pablo Lopez, and Sandy Alcantara – that could put the fear of god into any NL team outside of SoCal.

Not bad for year #3 of the Jeter rebuild. Let’s finish this season off and start making some RE2PECT The Process noise come October.

Last Week of the Marlins Pennant Race – Magic Number 6

Marlins Murder the Phillies 5-2 in Their Seven Game Mega Series

Last weekend, the Marlins started the mega 7 game series against the phillies to essentially decide a playoff spot, and it was a beatdown of 5 games to 2.

Hahahaha, what a fucking joke the phillies are. So nice to be cheering for another team with a philly division rival. What a trash organization and trash city.

Bryce Harper’s annual salary – $26M. Marlins total payroll – $31M. God what a sick rebuild year this has become. It’s not just a rebuild year; it’s a PLAYOFF rebuild year.

Let’s see how these wins came down…

Thu 9/10: 7-6

Marlins looked tired until the phillies trash bullpen got in the game and we got to work. Starling Marte, the best trade deadline get in all of MLB, hit a three run double to tie the game.

In the bottom of the 9th, we stole third against the shitty catcher that we traded to philly last year (JT Realmuto). That runner was batted in by Jorge Alfaro, the supposedly failed catcher prospect that we got back from philly to replace Realmuto.

Oh the sweet irony. It was the third straight game that Alfaro batted in 2 RBIs.


Fri 9/11: 5-3

This was the second game of a doubleheader and it was a bullpen game, which made things easy because philly’s bullpen sucks so much.

Lewis Brinson, the much hyped prospect from the Yelich trade and presumed bust, got a homer to start things off. He’s actually been having a huge month and looks like he doesn’t suck anymore. Fast as fuck centerfielder stud, here we come…

And again, the game winning RBI went to Alfaro on this infield hit.

It was the fourth straight game that Alfaro batted in 2 RBIs.


Sun 9/13: 2-1

Sixto clock Sunday. Easy money! Man that Realmuto trade was so awesome for us.

What a fucking start for this kid. Can’t wait for everyone to see him in the playoffs.


Sun 9/13: 8-1

The second half of the Sunday doubleheader was a thrashing. Braxton Garrett, a former #7 overall pick who had Tommy John, had an awesome debut. 5 innings, 6 strikeouts, 1 run.

The play of the game came on defense though…


Mon 9/14: 6-2

The Monday matinee capper was another thrashing. Pablo Lopez, another sick young arm in the rotation, went 7 innings for 1 run.

Again, defense was on display. Which of these Willie Mays catches by Matt Joyce is better?

I vote #2

Defense wins championships! If you can’t hit a home run, you’re not scoring on the Marlins. Sucks to be philly.


Start paying attention

Marlins Murder the Phillies 5-2 in Their Seven Game Mega Series

The Fish Are Looking Fresh Ahead of a Mega Series vs Philly

The Marlins are about to have a long weekend of their most important stretch of the season – seven total games over five days against the Phillies.

It’s part of a slate of 27 games over the final 23 days of the season with zero off days and four doubleheaders within 10 days. However, the most important part of that slate is tonight through Monday, as Miami and Philly are neck and neck for the all important 2nd place guaranteed playoff spot.

The series starts tonight, with Sandy Alcantara aka ‘The Sandy Man’ starting against Jake Spare-ieta.

Fortunately for the Fish, they’ve been looking pretty good coming into this. They just completed a six game road trip through Tampa and Atlanta and went 3-3. Not so shabby getting a split against two first place teams.


The first win of the stretch came last Saturday when Alcantara went 6 IP, 1 ER, and 8 Ks. It affirmed him as officially back from covid.

We should have won the series on Sunday when Starling Marte hit a two run shot in the first frame and rookie ace-in-training Trevor Rogers on the mound. Unfortunately, Tampa clawed their way back to tie.

We then blew two 0 out, runner on 2nd opportunities in the 8th and 9th. We scored in the 10th, but Kintzler blew a save for the first time in ten tries (albeit it was extra innings).


The Fish made up for Sunday’s disappointment by killing it against the Braves.

The series started with an awesome matinee on Monday afternoon. In the bottom of the 4th, Acuña was crowding the plate with his armor got himself beaned by Ureña again. He spent the rest of the game moping, including later that inning when his lazy ass got picked off at 2nd.

It was pretty tight.

Kintzler blew a second save in a row, this time a real one with clean bases in the 9th, but we got the job done in the 10th for a W.


Tuesday was Sixto Clock and he breezed through a dominant six innings for blowout win.

We lost the sweep on Wednesday and everyone is pointing to the 29 runs scored against as an embarrassment. In reality, we got screwed by the umps.

In the bottom of the second, a one out sac fly looked to be turned into an ending inning, run removing double play thanks to Marte’s cannon.

Instead, the retard replay officials called it safe and it became a ten run swing. Lopez got chased and was replaced by shitty Jordan Yamamoto and we basically forfeited the game to rest arms.

Sucks to not sweep the Braves, and it sucks to get made fun of for allowing 29 runs, but a series win is still a series win and going 3-3 against two first place teams is a great success for the playoff chase.


Continue that success through this weekend, and we get to start warming up for playoff baseball. Gotta love the 2020 season.

The Fish Are Looking Fresh Ahead of a Mega Series vs Philly

It’s Sixto Clock Time for the Surging Marlins

It’s been a couple weeks since I wrote on Marlins because we’ve had Dallas playoff games every day keeping me busy. Let’s catch up on the fish now.

Back then, we were 8-4 and leading the division from day 1. Immediately after, we went 1-5 and started falling apart. Fortunately, one of those series was against the Mets when they were infected with covid and our final game against them got canceled.

Covid breaks are like magic elixir to the Marlins. Nobody streaks out of covid breaks like the Marlins. We took 3 out of 5 against the Nats, followed by 2 out of 3 vs the Mets. A playoff spot is ours to lose…

The biggest highlight of this stretch was last Saturday’s debut of ‘Sixto Clock’, aka a start by our badass prospect Sixto Sanchez. He is the truth. He’s got the cool name, cool hair, coooool cool stuff.

His fastball hit 100 four times in the first inning and averaged 99 until the 5th inning. It’s a straight up heater. He’s also got a decent slider, but his out pitch seems to be a wicked changeup that drops hard. Here’s an example of all three…

His next start is tonight and I cannot wait to watch. I haven’t been this excited for a pitcher on my team since Yu Darvish was on the Rangers.

There’s more pitching reinforcements coming too. Sandy Alcantara, Jose Urena, and Caleb Smith are all practicing again from a sketchily long duration on the covid list. That’s two aces and a plus starter being added to Sixto in the 4 spot. We’re already in playoff position without these guys; we can make some serious noise now with them.



-Half of Degrom’s starts this year have been against the Marlins. He’s had six starts and each of the last three have been against us. Are you kidding me man?? We lost all by a total of four runs. Matchup luck is only gonna get better.

-Seven inning doubleheaders are so awesome. We are 5-1 in them on the year, with a lone loss going against Scherzer (and only losing by one). More of those please.

-A cool part of Marlins fandom is being rivals with Atlanta and having more reason to cheer against those losers. They were on Sunday Night Baseball earlier this week and this is how the game ended

-We also get to be rivals with philly, my #1 nemesis city. They traded us Sixto last year for JT Realmuto and will be regretting that one for years. That’s tight.


UPDATE: Sixto’s next start is actually tomorrow against Tampa as the final Mets game is postponed. This is a classy move…

It’s Sixto Clock Time for the Surging Marlins

Rangers Humiliated in Historic Fashion by ‘Slam Diego’

The Rangers have gone 1-8 over the past ten days and the season is absolutely lost. There was a sliver of hope right before this losing streak when we recovered from a disastrous start to make it back to .500 and start making moves on the playoff race. That’s all gone now.

Not only did we plummet in the standings, but we got embarrassed in the national media for being on the pussy end of an ‘unwritten rules’ controversy.


I’ll just say this about the beanball – I think it was overblown as most of these stories usually are. All sports have moments where players just need to take out their frustrations on an opponent. Hockey has fighting, basketball has hard fouls, and football has the general play of football.

In baseball, the only options on the table are hard slides and beanballs. Hard slides end seasons while beanballs are just temporary pain and a free base. It’s not that big of a deal and I don’t care that the Rangers wanted to take out frustration on someone running up the score.

What I am embarrassed about is that our beanball just completely missed Machado. We then proceeded to have a historically humiliating week by giving up grand slams in each of the remaining games in the series.

Hey Padres announcers… ER!! It’s not “everything’s big in Texas”.  It’s “everything’s bigg’ER” in Texas. Get it right.


The season is fucked. Dietrich has gone 2/17 since I last wrote about him as a savior for the offense. Montero, as seen in the video above, has looked human since the time I sang his praises. Everybody else sucks too.

There are only two bright spots and they come in the form of trade chips. Lance Lynn is easily the best pitcher on the market. He recorded the only win of this 1-8 streak. Joey Gallo has two more years of control and is one of the most valuable bats on the market.

In what should be a major seller’s market with over half the league in a playoff race, those two assets alone could yield the type of return that we got for Teixeira back in 07.

And that’s the key here. We are in full rebuild mode for the first time since that Teixeira trade kickstarted an almost dynasty. JD has been selling prospects for most of his tenure here and it’s reaped a lot of rewards that unfortunately fell one strike short (twice) of the ultimate prize. Now he gets another crack at doing it from scratch.

The season wasn’t supposed to be about winning; it was about getting better. Let’s see how deadline week works out before calling the entire thing a failure.


Side note – the Padres, who are run by former JD protege AJ Preller, acquired Fernando Tatis Jr in a swap for James Shields. Jesus christ that is such a ridiculous trade.

Rangers Humiliated in Historic Fashion by ‘Slam Diego’

Derek Dietrich Joins the Rangers and Immediately Wins Us Three Straight Games

Jon Daniels did more than just gift us Rafael Montero (the coolest closer in the league) to turn the season around; he got us a badass new batter too. Derek Dietrich first entered the lineup on Wednesday and immediately won us three straight games. Let’s break it down…


Dietrich’s ability to take an HBP is one of the things he’s been known for in the past, as he led the MLB with 24 in 2016. He knows the value of a free base and he stands firm like a man when a pitch drifts his way. This came out big in his first game with us.

Down 4-0 in the 6th and us getting dominated by Seattle all game, Dietrich takes a two out HBP that he easily could’ve avoided. That free base turns into a stolen base when he catches Seattle in a shift, which turns into a 2 out run.

A comeback win ensues and we take the series against the Mariners.


Next game was at Colorado on Friday night. Pinch hitting in the top of the 8th with a 2-2 tie, he takes one for the team again. You could hear the ball crack against his bone it was so loud.

By getting on first base, he opened the infield for a Choo bouncer to get through. A couple batters later, bam we got a game winning GIDP RBI.


It doesn’t always have to be scrappy; he can get runs the old fashioned way too. Case in point the very next night in Colorado. Tenuous 3-2 lead in the top of the 8th. Two outs, two runners on and the first pitch he sees turns into a Dietrich Dong.

Boooom! Game iced. Rangers are ABOVE 500 for the first time since Opening Day.


Dietrich was playing regularly for the Marlins from 2015-2017, the first two seasons of which were really good. When Dee Gordon got suspended for steroids, he became the regular 2B and hit .279 and an OPS+ of 121.

He was helping the Marlins mash in a lineup that also included Stanton, Yelich, Realmuto, and Ozuna. Once the fire sale started, his play slipped and he eventually started bouncing around to the Reds and Cubs minor league systems.

He got released last week and JD snapped him up within a day. What a pickup it’s been so far. Not only is he winning games for us, but he’s also put trash ass Odor on the bench so that dude can stop losing games for us.

What an August for a rebuilding team huh?

Derek Dietrich Joins the Rangers and Immediately Wins Us Three Straight Games