Sporting a frat shag that I would easily deem an A+, University of Texas placekicker Nick Rose has been going somewhat viral over the past year because of trick kicks he’s been posting on the internet. For your pleasure, I present to you the top 3 Nick Rose trick kicks of all time with accompanying letter grades…
3. Backflip Extra Point
C-. The flip is cool, but everything else about the video is subpar. He barely gets the ball over the crossbar and its from no longer distance than an extra point.
2. 80 Yard Boom
A. Excellent showcase of extraordinary leg strength. That’s the type of power that gets you a full ride to a college powerhouse program in a city with arguably the hottest women in the US. The only thing needed to make this an A+ is using a human holder and kicking right after the ball had been snapped.
1. Extra Point vs Cal
A++!!! Holy shit what an incredible trick! The entire crowd was so stoked about going to overtime after an electrifying 21 point 2nd half comeback. And then, SIKE! Hahaha, we’re actually gonna lose… I tricked yooouuuu!
P.S. – This run at the end of the game to set up the game tying extra point miss was unreal…
That is new starting QB Jerrod ‘Juice’ Heard. Only a redshirt freshman. Willie Beamen 2.0 I think its safe to say that Texas is going to stop sucking pretty soon…
P.P.S – Cal QB Jared Goff is exactly like Aaron Rodgers in everything from ability, playing style, and mannerisms. He could very well be the top pick in the draft next year and he is 100% going to be insufferable to watch.
What up haters. And by haters, I certainly don’t mean anybody that gambles on my picks. I went 8-5 last week and am 9-5 overall. We had a very lucrative teaser in Week 1 as well. No, there is no reason to hate me because I make people rich. Do yourself and pad your bank account this weekend with these week 3 picks…
Friday Night…
The NCAA is so kind as to give us a Friday night game to make money off of. I proved last week your life savings are safe with my pick…
Boston College +8.5 vs #9 Florida State
Florida State rolls into Boston overrated in both the polls and in Vegas. Their national championship team was incredible and their team last year was also very good, but this team is not good enough to be in the top team or to lay over a touchdown on the road to an up and coming ACC force like Boston College. Many people think Notre Dame’s sloppy seconds in Everett Golson is an adequate replacement for one of the best quarterbacks of all time, and those are the same people dumb enough to already declare Jaboo Jameis a bust. Fade Florida State tonight against Boston College’s top ten defense.
Morning Hangover Cures
Wake up, pack a bowl, and try to catch the second half of these random games to watch your balance go up before the big boys take the stage…
Wake Forest -6 vs Army
Army is 0-2, including an opening week loss to mighty Fordham. They are one of the worst teams in all of football and should be getting at least two touchdowns in order to warrant a wager. They’re not, and we’re fading them.
Air Force +24.5 at #4 Michigan State
Michigan State is an awesome team, but here we have a case of a brand premium that is significant enough to fade. Air Force is 2-0 with two blowouts so far, and while those teams haven’t been even close to the same level as Michigan State, I still think Air Force will have enough long drives with their triple option attack to keep this game within four scores.
Afternoon Day Drinking
What better way to day drink on a Saturday afternoon than to day drink while getting rich on football?
#8 Notre Dame +3 vs #14 Georgia Tech
I love Georgia Tech as much as everybody else, but there is no fucking way that Notre Dame should be getting points at home to anybody not named Ohio State right now. Yes, I saw Malik Zaire get injured last week, but didn’t DeShone Kizer didn’t look too shabby himself. The only thing keeping him from being a starting QB was age and maturity, definitely not talent. Besides, Brian Kelly deals with starting QB injuries all the time, including three in his 2009 undefeated season with Cincinnati.
Notre Dame also has playoff caliber talent everywhere else including a defense full of draft caliber players and a running back going almost 7 yards a pop right now. And its a Notre Dame home game? I can already hear the cash registers ringing.
#13 LSU -7 vs #18 Auburn
Are there still people out there that think Auburn is worth a shit? How are they still even ranked? Jeremy Johnson is enormous and black athletic looking, but he sucks at QB. Seriously, five interceptions already to garbage teams and it should be twice that number with all the easy drops his opponents have had.
LSU had a close win against Mississippi State last week, but they were pounding the shit out of the Bulldogs for most of the game. Their defense is elite and will force a ton of turnovers. I would take LSU -7 at Auburn, but this game being in Baton Rouge means a blowout is in store.
Nebraska +3 at Miami
It’s going to be awesome to rip some giant bong hits and get super fucking nostalgic about 2001 when these two teams face off. Unfortunately, Al Golden’s current version of the U is about as exciting as a weekday in Nebraska. It would be cool if they were good again, but they are not. Too many injuries and too much shitty coaching are going to result in this team getting exposed to the masses as Mike Riley and the Cornhuskers start the official countdown to the end of Al Golden’s god awful era. And wait Nebraska is getting points? Hell yeah! Bet on the spread and the moneyline.
UTSA +27 at #25 Oklahoma State
If you’re not feeling the 2001 nostalgia enough in the Nebraska/Miami game, flip to this game and watch Larry Coker (the head coach of that U national championship team for you squares that don’t know) live out his old age in coaching exile by operating this cover machine San Antonio. If the nostalgia isn’t working for you, then just be happy about winning money off of this ridiculously inflated line.
Oklahoma State just became ranked for some reason, and now it is clear that the pollsters do not pay attention to enough teams to be voting. Oklahoma State is garbage this year. In their first two weeks, they’ve had halftime scores of 10-6 at Central Michigan and 10-0 vs Central Arkansas. And they have to beat Larry Coker’s team by four touchdowns? Fade the shit out of that!
Evening Showdowns
South Carolina +16 at #7 Georgia
South Carolina doesn’t look particularly impressive this year, but the ole ball coach definitely has them in good enough shape to cover a three score spot in a rivalry game like this. Spurrier is also 17-5 ATS vs Georgia going back to his Florida days. There’s too many points here to not scoop them up and cash in.
Texas Tech +11 at Arkansas
Everybody is high on Arkansas because they sucked against Toledo last week and they might be practicing a lot harder now? Doesn’t make sense to me… They sucked last week, and now without both their starting RB and top receiver I expect them to suck again this week. Also, Klif Kingsbury has silently put together an awesome offense at Texas Tech. Pat Mahomes looks to be the best QB out of Lubbock since Kingsbury himself. I wouldn’t be surprised if Tech wins this game outright.
California -6.5 at Texas
Jared Goff is going to fucking torch Texas. UT’s defense is garbage enough against regular QBs, and now they have to try and slow down a top ten draft pick. It’s going to be pretty fucking brutal for Longhorns fans to watch, but we’re going to love making money off it.
Primetime Profits
#6 USC -10 vs Stanford
A lot of people high on Stanford in this one, and all those people are delusional and will be losing money. USC is in the spotlight for the first time this year tonight at the Coliseum, and everybody is about to see why they are projected to be in the playoffs. Also, Stanford fucking blows this year. David Shaw might just be the most overrated coach in all of college.
#15 Ole Miss +8 at #2 Alabama
The Rebels won this game last year and they are better now. Chad Kelly looks like the fucking truth. Alabama, on the other hand, is a lot worse than last year and has some quarterback issues with Jake Coker and his big bag of nothing. BUT… this game is at Alabama so… ehh, I’m really fucking confused as to why Ole Miss is getting so many points, but I’m fucking stoked to gamble on them.
#10 UCLA -17 vs #19 BYU
The dream for BYU comes to an end at the Rose Bowl when they play an elite defense and get their shit rocked. It was a cute story but they’re not a good team and UCLA is awesome.
While primetime NFL games are usually pretty dope to gamble on and watch, it can get annoying to have to sit through commercial breaks with no RedZone to flip to. Luckily for us tonight, we have an ACC showdown to keep our dopamine rush pulsing while Chiefs-Broncos are in downtime. Also luckily for us tonight, this college game is easy as fuck to pick…
# 11 Clemson -5.5 at Louisville
Clemson comes into Louisville with start QB Deshaun Watson looking to make his first big statement as a Heisman contender. In this game last year, he was injured early on in the game, but they still won 23-17. Clemson is even better this year and are my pick to have the honor of being blown out by Georgia Tech in the ACC championship game.
Louisville started off the year with what everyone thinks was a close game 31-24 loss to Auburn (that we won off of). All the people saying that however, clearly didn’t watch any of the game because Auburn was handling Louisville comfortably the whole time and it only ended in a one possession game because of a garbage time touchdown.
The next week, Auburn went on to squeak by a home victory against Jacksonville State, and Louisville lost at home to Houston. I think it’s safe to say that Louisville fucking blows. Bobby Petrino should probably start having affairs with assistants again because he seems to have absolutely lost it since that motorcycle crash.
Bet hard on Clemson and kick your feet up while you watch this blowout during the commercials of the NFL game.
Chiefs -3 vs Broncos
It may seem foolish to lay points against Wade Phillip’s ridiculous defense in Denver, but as I said last week, this Kansas City team is awesome. Their defense will probably have the best pass rush in the league and now have an elite secondary shored up by the return of Eric Berry. And now that Maclin and Kelce finally provide the passing weapons Andy Reid needs to run his offense, this team is primed to win the AFC West.
It’s also a night game at Arrowhead, which means that the vicious hits Justin Houston and Tamba Hali lay onto Peyton Manning are not only going to result in the old man’s head splitting from excruciating pain, but also from the deafening record setting decibel levels caused the loudest crowd in the league.
For both of these games, I suggest putting one unit each on the individual games as well as a unit on a 6 point teaser.
Weird things happen every week in the NFL. Week 1 is definitelynoexception. It’s important not to overreact this early, but that doesn’t mean you don’t have the right to enjoy some flaming hot takes coming out of the opening week…
Shockingly, Bears Coaching Upgrades Have Them Sucking Much Less
It’s amazing what happens when you replace Marc Trestman and Mel Tucker with John Fox and Vic Fangio – your football team starts to suck so much less. The new coaching staff had this genius gameplan in place to actually run with Matt Forte every once in awhile instead of throwing with Jay Cutler every single play. Amazingly, the Packers weren’t setting franchise records against them for once!
Unfortunately, the suck that is 4th quarter Jay Cutler is still in full form, as a horrendous stall on a 1st and goal series and an atrocious looking pick six to Clay Matthews dropped the Bears short of covering the spread. Still, it was really nice to see Chicago put up a fight for once. After the game, players finally admitted out loud that a big difference between the 2015 Bears and the 2014 Bears is that they have much less hate for their coaches and won’t be quitting every single game…
While the gambler in me is going to miss fading the hell out of the 2014 Bears, the football fan in me is excited to see a franchise in Chicago back on its way to relevancy. However, its important to note that the Bears still suck very hard for the time being. They’re only getting 2.5 points next Sunday against Arizona, and that’s a definite fade.
The NFC West Is Tilting Just in Time to Salvage Los Angeles Sports
In what was easily the best game of the early slate, the Rams and Seahawks gave us a classic NFC West battle that is telling of the times to come. We knew the Rams defense was going to be elite, but their offense must have been an absolute treat for every Los Angeles sports fan to watch. Nick Foles was competent enough for the offense to hang 20 points in regulation against the vaunted Seattle D, and unlike his predecessor, he lasted throughout a whole regular season game without getting hurt. With Tre Mason, Todd Gurley, and Brian Quick coming back from injury soon and a young, raw offensive line that is bound to show vast improvement throughout the year, the Rams are on the cusp of being a deep playoff team.
This can’t come at a better time for the LA sports fans. While the Kings are collapsing in a hurry, the Lakers are in shambles, the Clippers can’t stop failing to be the Clippers, and the Dodgers are getting no-hit every other night, a top tier NFL franchise is on its way to redeem the city. Not a bad life…
Is It Time for Tampa Bay Fans to Kill Themselves? (No)
Despite a legendary college career that included a national championship and an undefeated record leading up to last year’s Rose Bowl, anybody with two eyes and a brain could tell that he was actually a horrible quarterback. If he was any good, he would’ve just fallen down and taken a sack instead of fumbling the ball backwards on a desperation 4th down play with the game nearly out of reach…
Also there was that one girl who said she was raped by Jameis Winston, and even though he’s been exonerated twice, he’s apparently still a rapist and a disgrace to the sport. Unfortunately for Tampa Bay fans, the Bucs front office paid too much attention to his pedigree as a winner and drafted him #1 overall. And after the 42-14 shellacking the Titans gave the Bucs on Sunday, we can be 100% certain that Jaboo Jameis is the biggest bust since Ryan Leaf…
I do find it really funny that most of the people who were snickering after this game are among the same group that never watched an Oregon game until the national championship last year and swore that Marcus Mariota was a fraud. These were the same people that watched five minute video clips of Todd McShay breaking down one of Mariota’s 4(!) interceptions last year and concluded that it doesn’t matter how great your arm is and how blazing fast you are, you can’t be a successful NFL quarterback if you run too much no huddle and shotgun in college.
Yes, this game was a bloodbath (that I picked correctly). And yes, Mariota looked much better than Winston. But it was also the first game ever for two quarterbacks who are projected to have careers spanning the next 15 years. It was also between two teams that finished 2014 at the very bottom of the standings. Let’s all chill out on judging these two players so quickly. Besides, how high on Mariota would everybody be if this play went back for six?
Or if the refs didn’t blow this play dead with no review available?
I’m not saying Mariota wasn’t absolutely outstanding on Sunday. He was. But we should definitely temper our praise and criticisms for both quarterbacks when we’re just one measly week into the season.
Chip Kelly Continues to Lose in Revolutionary Ways
I said on Monday that I’m always confused as to what Chip Kelly has truly accomplished to receive all the accolades he’s been getting. Well, I certainly have to take those words back as his shrewd decision making on Monday night proved all his backers right…
Oh sure, of course hindsight is 20/20. If Parkey hadn’t missed the field he was rushed into kicking, then the Eagles definitely would have won and I’d have to admit that Chip Kelly has been a genius all along. There’s no chance in hell that the Falcons offense would’ve been able to drive 50 some odd yards with four downs a series to play with against a Philly defense that was visibly exhausted because of an offensive scheme that gives no regard to keeping the defense fresh. Even if they had been able to pull off that incredible feat, I’m sure Matt Bryant, one of the most accurate kickers in NFL history, would have shanked it.
Anyway, enough ranting on Chip Kelly the coach. Let’s review how Chip Kelly’s GM decisions fared during Week 1. His new quarterback had an abysmal first half and threw two picks, and all the sports science in the world couldn’t keep away from the x-ray room after the game. His new running back is apparently worth $40M, but not worth giving more than eight carries to. His new cornerback is apparently worth $62M, but still got torched for 141 yards and 2 TDs by Julio Jones. Meanwhile, Cary Williams, who Bryon Maxwell replaced in Philadelphia, ended up having the play of the week with the strip sack fumble in St. Louis. But that is just an aberration we should ignore. The Seahawks have never been good at spotting defensive talent so we should trust Chip Kelly instead of them.
And after all this, the Eagles are laying over 5 points against Dallas on Sunday? FADE!!
The Vikings Brought out Their Inner Randy Moss, but Not in a Good Way
On January 9, 2005, the Culpepper/Moss era reached apogee when Randy Moss mock mooned a frenzied Lambeau Field crowd in what was arguably the greatest touchdown celebration of all time. On Monday night, Mike Zimmer and the Vikings paid homage to this decade long memory by showing their asses to betting sharps everywhere.
I have never seen a Mike Zimmer defense perform this poorly. It was absolutely brutal to watch. The Niners flat out dominated the edge on every single running play, giving Carlos Hyde so much open room to streak down the sidelines. In the off chance they could actually keep contain, Hyde just cut back into bus sized holes that overpursuing defenders were leaving open. If Kaepernick could throw worth a shit or if the Niners could cut out half of their egregious penalties, they would have hung 40 on this defense that was wholly unprepared to play.
The offense was equally disturbing to watch. I have rarely seen Norv Turner command a unit that has been this inept. Three and out after three and out after three and out. With injuries to both their starting center and right tackle, the offensive line was terrorized all night by Eric Mangini blitz schemes (seriously?). And while Teddy Bridgewater is a talent that Minnesota is lucky to have, it was a bit frightening to see him at the end of the first half and realize that he literally does not have the arm strength to throw a 45 yard hail mary past the goal line.
I still think this Minnesota team is very talented and extremely well coached, and there is a good chance Monday night’s disaster could wind up being one of this year’s week 1 aberrations, but the hype train definitely needs to be pumping its brakes for the time being.
In a way, you can say things are looking up for Drew Storen. Instead of bitching and moaning about getting demoted, now he’s throwing fits about his godawfulplay. That is, he was throwing fits about his god awful play until he broke his thumb slamming a locker last Wednesday.
I have a feeling that crybaby Drew Storen’s goal of a lucrative arbitration hearing this winter just became a pipe dream… Then again, its quite possible that crybaby Drew Storen just doesn’t give a shit about money at all. It’s hard to believe at first, but then you take a look at his contract terms and realize that, standing at 58 appearances on the season, he was only two more relief outings away from a $500,000 bonus. Damn. Sucks to suck.
If you followed my picks this week, well you are quite welcome! We’re at 9-3 so far and will definitely be building on that tonight. The US Open pick was quite lucrative as well. And if you have action on the Thursday night tease we sent out, things are looking fantastic for you.
If you aren’t following me by now, I suggest you stop acting and hop on this money making wagon starting tonight. Since it’s week 1, we get two games to win money off of. Awesome!
Falcons +3.5 vs Eagles
The public is jumping all over the Eagles for tonight, moving this line all the way from 1 to 3.5. They must be buying into all the hype surrounding Sam Bradford’s marvelous preseason. What the public seems to forget is that Sam Bradford has had amazing preseasons since 2010. Unfortunately for all these square bettors, tonight is actually a regular season game, which has not bade well for Bradford in the past.
The public also seems to love Chip Kelly, and I don’t understand that at all. He has no meaningful accomplishments in the NFL, yet he somehow seems to get pass after pass because he talks about sports science and gives his players piss tests after every practice. It makes no sense… He barely won a horrendous NFC East two years ago after beating up on teams like Oakland in non-division games, and then shat the bed in outdoor rain against the Saints in the playoffs. Then everybody raved about him last year because… I actually have no clue why. Maybe it was because he kept Mark Sanchez from butt fumbling again?
The Falcons definitely have question marks this year, but the Eagles do as well. Stay with Vegas on this one and take the Falcons at home with a field goal to spare.
Vikings -2.5 at Niners
This line is unbelievable. It started out as Niners -4 and has been bet all the way to Vikings -2.5. Usually, that means there’s great value with San Francisco, but I think this was a legit mistake by Vegas. Sharps do as well, as apparently they were the ones who have made this line move so much and are still in favor of Minnesota. The only explanation I can think of is that the oddsmakers put way too much stock in quantitative analysis and formulas to bring up a line based on past results from both teams. However, those formulas seem to be missing some key assumptions making up for the loss of every good coach and player from San Francisco over the past year.
The Vikings are also poised to break the fuck out this year. In my opinion, they are the best coached team in the entire NFL outside of the Patriots. Mike Zimmer has had a top 5 defense no matter where he’s been (Cowboys, Falcons, Bengals), and the Vikings defense started to become dominant last year. In addition, Norv Turner might be the best offensive coordinator of all time, and he had Teddy Bridgewater rounding into fire form by the end of last year. Oh, and there’s also some dude named Adrian Peterson coming back tonight. He’s pretty good.
You’re getting this Vikings team against the dumpster fire Niners and you only have to lay half a point? Bet the fucking farm. MORTAL LOCK OF THE WEEK!!
I know everybody’s busy being American as fuck today and making money off of my picks that are killing it, but don’t completely ignore the U.S. Open Final. I’m not saying to actually watch it, but you should definitely gamble on it and set some alerts on your phone and maybe catch the very end, because you know, it can’t be more automatic.
The first Sunday of NFL season… Do I really need an intro here? Okay I’ll give a quick one just for the hell of it. We went 8-5 in college picks this week and everyone who followed my soccer pick this morning just doubled their paycheck.
The NFL is the hardest sports league to gamble on because oddsmakers spend by far the most time and resources to set up perfect lines. However, its also the most fun league to gamble on, so I gamble heavily on it. The best way to make money is through three team teases, but I also win a lot of straight up bets, so you should still feel safe placing high stakes wagers on these picks…
Bears +7 vs Packers
I know, I know… I fucking know what happened last year in both games… However, last year is over, and Marc Trestman is gone. The 84% of public bettors don’t seem to realize how awful of a head coach Trestman was and that he is no longer coaching the Bears. Instead, they now have arguably a top 5 coach at the helm (yes, I said top 5, and I stand by it because he’s been to two Super Bowls including one with an expansion team and also made the playoffs with Tim fucking Tebow). I also expect the defense to be infinitely less shitty than last year considering the fact that they also brought in a top 3 defensive coordinator.
Despite an overwhelming 84% of public bets on the Packers, the line still moved half a point in favor of the Bears… Do you know what that means? It means all the pro gamblers placed their bets on Chicago, and Vegas bookies are also betting on Chicago themselves by not capping their liability on Green Bay. Let’s side with Vegas today and get a whole touchdown’s worth of points at home.
Chiefs -1 at Texans
The Texans fucking suck. Brian Hoyer? Is that a fucking joke? Last year, their offense was all about Arian Foster, and he can’t play today. The Chiefs are one of the most criminally underrated teams, and probably have the best pass rush in the league with Justin Houston and Tamba Hali. Their defense is going to suffocate Houston on offense. And now their offense finally has a receiver that’s worth a shit and they’ll easily be able to score enough points to beat Houston.
Jets -3 vs Browns
The Browns have one of the worst quarterbacks in the league, the worst receiving corp in the league, and arguably the worst group of running backs in the league. Are they going to have any offense against Todd Bowles Darelle Revis’s defense? No.
Bills +2.5 at Colts
The Colts are my pick to be the most disappointing team this year. Their GM has done absolutely nothing productive except suck enough in 2011 to get the #1 pick for Andrew Luck. He keeps drafting receivers despite having shit for defense and no offensive line. The Frank Gore and Andre Johnson signings would have been amazing five years ago, but are just confusing in 2015. The Bills have a great home field advantage and are one of the few teams that can consistently make elite QBs struggle (like Aaron Rodgers last year). Take Rex Ryan with the points.
Dolphins -4 at Redskins
This is definitely a trap game that Vegas set up here. It’s also a trap that you should not be scared of.
Panthers -3 at Jaguars
The battle of the 90s expansion teams. Everyone is down on the Panthers this year because of their receiving corp, but I think they will be fine. Cam Newton was really hurt last year and it was night and day how much better they got at the end of the year when he finally got healthy. Now he’s healthy, Jonathan Stewart is fully healthy for the first time in years, and Riverboat Ron is definitely going to have this defense in tip top shape.
Rams +4 at Seahawks
The Rams are going to have a top 5 defense this year no question. Probably a top 3. They also have a quarterback for once. There are some concerns with their young offensive line and their running game with both Mason and Gurley hurt, but they’re still a much stronger team than in years past and they’ve always played the Seahawks tough. I think there’s a 50/50 shot at them winning this game, and getting an extra 4 points at home is a good bet. If you weren’t able to get in on the tease before the Pats game started, Rams +14 is a good replacement.
Tottenham plays the shittiest team in the Premier League this morning, and bookmakers have them at only -110 odds to win. They’re basically asking us to take charity from them. And while we’re not poor (especially after the college games this weekend), it would still be dumb to say no. Therefore, I suggest betting your entire month’s paycheck on Tottenham to win this game.
Tottenham only has three points right now as they’ve blown several leads to result in draws, but those have been against teams that are far better than Sunderland. Sunderland fucking sucks. They’ve been needing to get relegated for years now, and it looks like this is the year where they finally get sent packing to where they belong. Although Tottenham does not have many points this year, they are still a talented team that will win a lot of games. They also have new arrival Son Heung-Min from Bayer Leverkusen that’s gonna give a really good boost to their attack from the midfield.
7th Floor Krewe 
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