Who Will Dominate the 2020s Decade More – Luka or Zion?

Luka Zion

Yesterday’s ‘Battle of LA’ was a likely preview of the next one or two WCFs, but the rest of the decade will be dominated by two rising powers that battled for the first time last Wednesday – Luka’s Mavs and Zion’s Pelicans.  Dallas drew first blood in a close overtime victory (highlights), and unfortunately for New Orleans that is probably how this rivalry will play out over the long term.

Zion is the most popular popular rookie since Lebron, but last year Luka was the best rookie since… well since ever.  He spent the first few months of this season neck and neck with Giannis for MVP, but has regressed to merely an average superstar level as of late.  2019 Luka would’ve splashed this buzzer beater last Monday and that is not a hyperbole, but he’s been a bit more human since new year.

He’s been targeted by nervous vets all year, and it seems every game there is an enforcer assigned to give him a beating.  Just last night he took a flying knee kick to the face as well as two other face punches that didn’t get called.  He’s getting pounded and it’s causing injuries and it’s bullshit, but I guess we can just deal with it for now.  After some playoff wins, the star treatment will activate and then he’s invincible from there on out.

He started the All Star Game before having his first legal drink (paid for by Mark Cuban) and is still fully ensconced as the goat-in-training.

 

The Pelicans still have a formidable icon in their own with Zion who is an absolute monster.  He has power in the post game that will be the most dominant we’ve seen since Shaq, and he is the best rebounder in the NBA already.  On defense, he is always threat to force a turnover and tally the ‘points off turnover’ column in a flash.

I don’t buy the nailbiting over his health or the new idea that big players can’t enjoy healthy careers.  Gentry may need to get some Coach O advice on keeping gumbo servings in check, but overall he is right in saying people worry about Zion “too freaking much”.  New Orleans will enjoy this Monstar for years to come.

zion monstar

Both teams have deep and promising supporting casts – Dallas better on offense and New Orleans better on defense.  However, the coaching disparity is huge.  Carlisle has pretty much taken the reigns from Popovich as the best coach in the league, while Gentry has done nothing of substance to warrant trust.  That‘s why I foresee Dallas becoming the new Spurs and New Orleans becoming the new Mavs.  Pelicans fans should be happy with that.

 

The war has just begun, however, and there are still some big moves coming.  Dallas will have max level cap room for basically the first time in the Cuban era along with no state income tax and the chance to rack up all your scoring stats with prime Luka.  In fact, there is a growing underground fear amongst NBA execs that Giannis is destined to end up in Dallas.

The Pelicans on the other hand are sitting on more tangible assets with the goldmine of future Lakers picks.  It will almost certainly be three straight lottery picks starting next summer or the year after, depending on how quickly it takes for the Lakers to suck.  If the balls fall right or if Gayle can pull in another favor, the Mavs might have a threat in their decade of dominance about halfway through this thing.  Until then, Luka and Carlisle all the way.

What a blessing it is to have a ticket on both wagons.

 

🚨🚨 NBA LAYUP LINE 🚨🚨

Mark Cuban was fined 500k for protesting after we got robbed in Atlanta.  He matched the fine with a 500k donation to charity.  Just a cool mill to speak up for the people.

NBA execs have discussed a new calendar with the season starting in December, which would be awesome.  But instead of shortening the season, they will have the finals in August.  No thank you.  Chill out NBA.

Spike Lee is upset about losing access to the employee entrance despite paying $300k a year in season tickets and over $10M lifetime.  Any Knicks fan who gives James Dolan that much money is a moron. 

Patrick Mahomes was at the Mavs-Pelicans game, but the most famous athlete in attendance might have been sitting in general admission

Who Will Dominate the 2020s Decade More – Luka or Zion?

Angels Fire 30yr Employee for Helping Opponents Cheat

Angels Mickey Mouse

The Angels fired their visiting clubhouse manager of 30 years because he was selling a foreign substance called Go Go Juice to opposing pitchers.  It’s an odd story because how does someone work their whole life for an organization while helping out the enemy the whole time.  Was this going on for a long time, or was it a recent thing?  Either way, it’s just further proof that the Angels are a Mickey Mouse organization that Otani is a huge fucken loser for joining.

The true lead here is that the Angels had no idea this was going on until the MLB tipped them off.  How did the MLB come across this information?  They were conducting a league wide investigation on ball tampering.  Why were they doing that?  Hmm…

Take a look at this cringeworthy team site article about all the ‘analytics’ involved in increasing spin rates for every single Astros pitchers spin compared to their metrics on prior teams.  Woke baseball fans have been saying for years that the Astros were stealing signs and doctoring baseballs (aside from corporate espionage) to cheat.

Sure, almost every pitcher doctors baseballs these days and it’s probably necessary for the safety of hitters to allow this stuff in cold weather games.  However, it’s pretty obvious the Astros went much farther than the normal pine tar to fuck with their baseballs.  There is no doubt they had a propriety substance similar to this Go Go Juice, and the MLB is finally doing their part to crack down.

Why don’t they make this public like the sign stealing?  Because death penalties are bad for business and no former players have come out about this yet.  Hopefully Collin McHugh becomes the man to step up and do the right thing.  He just said he’s willing to give up his World Series ring, and that his fellow pitchers should’ve been braver and spoken out against the sins they were seeing.  Why is he of all people trashing the organization who’s ‘analytics’ salvaged his career and made him respectable for the 2017-2018 seasons only?  Your guess is as good as mine ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

 

🚨🚨 MLB FASTBALLS 🚨🚨

Nobody has a hard on for Astros hate more than me, but this Blue Jays pitcher Reese McGuire that got caught cracking stick in the spring training parking lot might be a close second.

Blue Jays Bater

Speaking of the Astros, former cheater-converted-Yankee Gerrit Cole gave up back to back homers, twice, over just two innings, against the Tigers, in his latest spring training outing.

Speaking of Yankees, Goose Gossage is yelling at the clouds again.  He’s still bemoaning analytics, saying that “It’s like the Democrats are running baseball.”  I agree.  Math is for morons.

Yu Darvish caught a slight case of the coronavirus, but he’ll be fine because he’s not old enough to die from the flu yet.  Better for him to get this out of the way now and clear himself up for the inevitable Cy Young campaign.

And finally, the biggest actual baseball story of spring training was Nolan Arenado wanted a trade because the Rockies weren’t spending enough on free agents.  The Rockies have pledged over $200M to free agents over the past two seasons, and just one year ago gave Arenado a $260M guaranteed contract.  What a whiny baby this kid is.

 

 

Angels Fire 30yr Employee for Helping Opponents Cheat

Michael Bloomberg Will Always Be a Dallas Cowboys Hero

plaxicogun

There’s a lot of Eli Manning HOF truthers who like to say that he was never good outside those two Super Bowl years.  I don’t know what they were watching in 2008, but it sure wasn’t NFL.  The Giants were awesome that year and it was terrifying.  At Thanksgiving weekend, they were 9-1 and cruising to home field advantage when Plaxico Burress learned the hard way that sweatpant waistbands are not the safest gun holsters.

Burress spent 20 months in prison, which was unprecedented for an athlete and it was hard not to feel at least some sympathy for him.  His teammate Steve Smith had just been robbed at gunpoint three days earlier, and the gun was previously registered back in Florida (expired and out of state but still).  He was certainly no Pacman or Crittenton that’s for sure, but New Yorkers wanted to get rid of guns and he served as a powerful example to help make that happen.

Most importantly, the Giants season completely derailed after suddenly losing the best possession receiver in the league.  For that, I give eternal thanks to Mike Bloomberg.  He’s in the news lately for a political race that will cause 40-60% of the population to feel deep despair, but it is nothing like the despair of watching your rival go back to back.

 

🚨🚨 NFL EXTRA POINTS 🚨🚨

The biggest trade since Herschel Walker looks to be this brewing deal between NBC and ESPN for announcers.  The true winners of this trade are fans and society.  Spending Monday nights with Al Michaels and Peyton Manning instead of Boog is going to lift everyone’s moods, and we finally get Mike Tiri-goat back!

The NFL is going to the going to the Supreme Court to fight a very frivolous lawsuit.  Apparently some people think that $293 is a rip off for the hundreds of hours of pure bliss that Sunday Ticket provides.  What kind of psychopath likes football but doesn’t watch other teams?  Must be the russians again.

The Tom Brady to 49ers speculation has finally started.  Called it.  Garoppolo is turning into the next Matt Cassell right before our eyes and they have a $4M out on his contract.  This has been a no brainer all along.

Baker Mayfield’s offseason has barely started and it’s getting brutal – possibly more brutal than that season long ad campaign he did.  Last week, a host on the Browns flagship network called him a midget.  But that was nothing compared to a few weeks back when a woman gave a radio interview about blowing him in a Cheesecake Factory parking lot.  She provided proof in the form of dick pics as other women called in to tell similar stories like the time he cheated on his Instagram wife the first night after his honeymoon.  Our heroine signs off the interview by saying (34:30 mark) “I think he already ruined his career anyway because he sucks at football now”

Michael Bloomberg Will Always Be a Dallas Cowboys Hero

Inter Miami and FC Dallas Are Set to Dominate the 2020s

Inter Miami Fans Game 1

As I’m sure everyone remembers, FC Dallas snuck into the playoffs last year and nearly beat eventual champion Seattle in one of the wildest MLS games of all time.  Not bad for a rebuilding year.

The 2020 season started off with a bang last week with the official signing of academy phenom Tanner Tessman.  It sounds like this kid has all the makings of a transcendent talent.  Dabo Swinney vigorously recruited him to kick for Clemson and claimed that he could start at any of the skill positions if he focused on football full time (never played before).  Most notably, he starred for our special youth squad that thrashed the USWNT back in the day.  I’m not sure the financial details of the contract, but it certainly had to be a lot considering how valuable those women were supposed to be.  Thanks Clark Hunt!

Tessmann started our opener on Saturday and performed very well, especially defensively, against the hated Philadelphia Union.  We won 2-0 off this beautiful strike from THE KOBRA.

So far so good for FC Dallas season.  Unfortunately, nobody else I know from Dallas cares about them so it’s time to make room for a new first love – Inter Miami.  Thank god I moved here before they started, because Beckham’s squad has to be the most inevitable dynasty in sports history, or at the very least Miami sports history.

Sunday’s debut was a 1-0 loss, but it was undoubtedly the biggest moral victory of my career as a sports fan.  LAFC is the best MLS team ever assembled and they had just throttled the best Mexican team in champion’s league.  If you listened to the ESPN announcers, LAFC are as good as Liverpool (I’m not kidding they said that).

We didn’t start our best players, opting for experience over potential in a game that was sure to produce jitters, and yet our veteran backups held their own against western hemisphere’s Liverpool.  They even had a chance on a last second set piece to equalize.  Incredible debut!

Our goalie and captain, Luis Robles, is no doubt the best in the league.  He was an absolute brick wall and stopped everything except for this magic trick by Carlos Vela.

 

 

🚨🚨 MLS QUICK HITS 🚨🚨

Atlanta United lost Josef Martinez to a torn ACL and their run is over.  Too bad.  It looks like their opponent, Nashville SC, is taking over as the new cool team of the south.

Nashville SC

San Jose Earthquakes fans un-ironically shed tears over Chris Wondolowski’s final season opener.  This is why they’re America’s least favorite team.  Go move to Belgium already.

Montreal Impact is now my Canadian team after signing Victor Wanyama.  They have the easiest champions league draw against some shitty Honduran team (Olimpia) in the quarters.  Go ahead and bet on them, watch this clip, and start dreaming of how you’ll spend your winnings.

Hero 😇 😇

Inter Miami and FC Dallas Are Set to Dominate the 2020s

Proof That Josh Allen’s Lateral Was the Correct Decision

Josh Allen

On Saturday night, the Bills took another baby step forward in their steady march back to relevance.  Josh Allen played admirably enough for us to hold on confirmation that he sucks.  As a matter of fact, he almost doubled Deshaun Watson’s rushing yards 92-55.  However, he still made too many mistakes for us to be able to start saying he’s good:

  • Two dropped interceptions (one pick six)
  • Lost a fumble
  • Lost another fumble that was overturned by replay
  • Heaved a 50 yard throw to a double covered fullback
  • Took a 3rd down intentional grounding to fall out of FG range with 1:41 left to play down by 3

The dumbest mistake of the game was McDermott’s decision to go for it on 4th and 27 with three timeouts, but nobody cares because they still made overtime and he’s an awesome coach.  Instead, everyone is harping on the Josh Allen lateral and I thoroughly disagree!

First of all, there were no Texans players near #88 Knox and therefore no Texans players came anywhere close to recovering the football.  Second of all, because there are no Texans players near #88 Knox, he had a lot of green ahead to turn the game on its head with an all time historic play.  The execution was poor, but I love the decision.

Let’s put it another way.  Best case scenario and the play works, Bills are in FG range with the clock stopped and plenty of time to drive for a win.  Worst case scenario (keeping in mind there’s ZERO texans around) Allen fucks up the lateral so badly that it goes over #88’s head and out of bounds for 1st and 10 with the clock stopped.  Oh wait a minute that’s what actually happened, which is way better than the ‘smart play’ of getting tackled and running off 15 seconds to spike the ball for 2nd and 10.

And one last point to all those hoity-toity fake nerds out there who are lambasting Josh Allen for a net positive play…

The numbers say laterals are good.  So suck it

Proof That Josh Allen’s Lateral Was the Correct Decision

The Most Popular Sports Story From the Weekend Had Nothing to Do With NFL Football

 

Wu Lei2

When Wu Lei became the first Chinese international to score a goal against Barcelona, a trend on Weibo hit 370 million views.  That is more than the entire total of the US population, so I assume it was more popular than anything NFL-related on the internet.  Apologies if I am wrong.  

After watching the goal, I am now fully onboard with Chinese fans in saying that Wu Lei is my new favorite Chinese player.  It was a true beauty…

The time and score of the game.  The through ball.  The strike.  The Chinese dude in a Barca jersey going ape shit even though it meant Madrid caught up to them for first place.

This dude in the stands who just started screaming ‘Wu Lei Wu Lei Wu Lei’ over and over again before he even got the ball.

Everything about it was pretty wild.  My favorite by though, was this tribute video afterwards:

Espanyol is still in last place, but there’s still half the season left to play and they got a new coach who is smart enough to give our boy Wu Lei more minutes.  They’re also qualified for the Europa knockouts, so Champion’s League for next year is still on the table.

In the meantime, they have quite the marketing asset.  Wu Lei’s debut last year, despite being only 12 minutes, garnered 40M total views in China.  For reference, that is twice the number of viewers for the GoT finale.  For La Liga as a whole, its digital following in China almost doubled (82%) last year because of Wu Lei alone.

The Most Popular Sports Story From the Weekend Had Nothing to Do With NFL Football

Who Is the Most Overrated Cowboy of Our Lifetimes?

Scandrick

When talking overrated Cowboys, the bar has to be set at the most obvious choice of Tony Romo.  Ten years, $127M in earnings, and a whopping two playoff wins.  One of those (against the Lions) was handed to us by the refs and Teryl Austin despite Romo’s best efforts to deliver the biggest choke job of his illustrious choking career.  Even after he left, it took two years to clear his salary off our cap and it prevented us from signing big free agents during Dak’s rookie deal.

Despite all of this and despite all of the win-or-go-home losses and humiliations at the hands of our division rivals, many Cowboys fans (and it’s only Cowboys fans) still stick up for this dude.  It is truly baffling.  Is he the most overrated Cowboys of our lifetimes?

 

There is only one player I can think of more overrated than Romo and that is Orlando Scandrick.  Keep in mind that I will never buy Goodrich tires because of Dwayne, yet it’s Scandrick who takes the prize for boiling my blood more than any Cowboy in history.

Outside of Terence Newman at #5 overall, the Cowboys went nearly two full decades without hitting on a decent DB in the draft.  In that same time, we also almost never hit on a late round pick as well.  Therefore, everyone lost their shit when Scandrick made a few plays his rookie season.  He ended up getting a lot of playing time because our corners always sucked, and he got torched consistently.  He jipped the Jones family out of $30M and failed a drug test for what we all pretend is Molly instead of the PEDs he needed to stay competent on the field.

Last season, he cost us $2.3M in dead cap money while he was with Kansas City ruining their season and all of their Super Bowl dreams.  In fact he still counts against our cap this year.  He also bullied sick children in Madden games because he could never make plays on the real field.  Fuck this dude forever.

 

Here is a list of honorable mentions:

Chad Hutchinson – the amount of Cowboys fans that thought this quarterback could be competent was embarrassing and probably had a lot to do with race unfortunately.

Roy Williams (S) – he was a massive liability by the end of his career to due religion and the horse collar rule, but he also made five straight pro bowls and was first team all-pro.  In that brief time as a star he made a lot of clutch interceptions and caused several iconic injuries such as Emmitt Smith and Terrell Owens.  A lot of Cowboys fans thought he was terrible, and there is a big overlap between those fans and the ones who still like Tony Romo.

TO injury

The only happy time of 2004.

Roy Williams (WR) – just when I thought you couldn’t get any dumber (after the Galloway trade), you go and do something like this… and humiliate us even more Jerry!  His most memorable moment was fumbling away the game against the Saints and ruining Thanksgiving 2010.

Terrell Owens – after feeling under appreciated and underpaid following his rehab from the Roy Williams horse collar, TO defected to Dallas for a prolific chapter to one of the most enigmatic careers in sports history.  He had some incredible moments for us but also an incredible amount of drops and distractions.  It was an exhilarating ride while it lasted, but ultimately a failure.

Miles Austin – against the Titans in 2010, Troy Aikman proclaimed Austin the best wide receiver in the league. It took awhile for him to live that down, but at the time it seemed reasonable because the talent was there.  Hamstring injuries quickly made him useless, and then he lost the ball in the lights to cost us the division (and possibly the Super Bowl because it was the Giants) in 2011.

Dez Bryant – I feel bad including him because he has a great heart and football saved his life, but he fucked up way too many times fo his talent level.  The most notorious mistake came at Lambeau field when he decided to be a glory boy and dropped a key 4th down pass.

Byron Jones – great guy, great measurables, underwhelming career so far.  He was humiliated by his brother against GB this year and I’m not sure he’s ever fully recovered.

Who Is the Most Overrated Cowboy of Our Lifetimes?