Warren Sapp Is a Traitor in the War on Football

SI just put out a wild piece on Warren Sapp yesterday that is definitely worth a read if you have a few minutes.  It must have been fun as shit for the writer to cover – full of strip clubs, blunts, and egregiously dumb quotes from Sapp.

Apparently, it’s now his life mission now to cure CTE with CBD, because of course.  Listen, I love pot and I hate CTE, which is why I find it disappointing that Warren Sapp is trying to make a name for himself in either sphere.  He was one of the greatest DTs of all time, but he’s always been a grade-A piece of shit human being.

If you’re unaware of the full details of his past, check out this video to understand the sheer irony of him trying to champion CTE awareness…


Mike Sherman’s comments after the game – “The joviality that existed after [the hit] when a guy’s lying on the ground, with numbness in his legs and fingers, I just thought that wasn’t appropriate for any NFL player.”

So the guy who nearly paralyzed someone on a dirty hit and then cursed out an opposing coach afterward is now going around playing the CTE victim card to champion his new pot company.  Must be hard to make sense of that, huh.

Speaking of $82M career earnings, remember when he hit a referee and got fined for it?  And then complained about that fine by calling Paul Tagliabue a slave master?  God, what a fucken idiot.  Throwback to one of my favorite cartoons ever…


Warren Sapp Is a Traitor in the War on Football

It Is Finally Fate for the Vikings to Win the Super Bowl

I was at a New Orleans bar for the Minneapolis Miracle, and man it was the surrealist shit I’ve ever witnessed in sports.  The bartendress was chain smoking and everyone was locked in arms yelling during the final drive, and then Diggs happened and you could hear a pin drop the rest of the night.

Regardless, props to Minnesota.  Hopefully now they can finally shut the hell up about bounty gate.  No joke, I hear more bitching about bounty gate from Vikings fans than I do Saints fans these days.  It’s weird as hell and a dumb thing for a fanbase to stay so bent out of shape over.

The 09 Vikes were sick, but it was silly for their fans to ever have hope in the first place.  1 – Nobody was beating the Saints at the dome that year.  It was destiny and an atmosphere that went beyond football (Katrina).  2 – Brett Favre in the playoffs.  Did Vikes fans not watch the past 15 years of their arch-rivals in the postseason?

Oh and also, the Vikings had the exact same bounty program in place

Aside from this dumb beef, I’m all for Vikings fans finally get theirs.  They are easily the most storied franchise in sports without a title.  It’s too bad the Falcons fucked up last week.  Would’ve been a cool story for the Vikings to avenge the Gary Anderson miss right before a home Super Bowl.


It Is Finally Fate for the Vikings to Win the Super Bowl

Tyler Seguin Is a Bro King

What a 2018 for Tyler Seguin so far.  First, he spends his bye week in Cabo banging Summer Rae.  Then, he goes fucken scorched earth on the Bruins in OT…


My god what a goal.  Keep in mind it was against the same team that gave him to us for peanuts.  What a blessing from above that Boston was dumb enough to hand over this legend to us.

Not only is Seguin sick at hockey, but he’s also a fucking bro as well.  The TMZ pics with Summer Rae should say enough, but word around Dallas is that he’s always the ringleader when the Stars are out on the town.  Much like Michael Irvin used to do, he’s the team leader in making damn sure that every player out there is getting sufficiently hammered and then laid.  Then, he’s whipping their ass in practice the next day making sure no bullshit excuses like hangovers can keep the team from winning.  Cool as hell.

After a so-so first couple of months, we’re now 7-3 in the past 10 games and locking down the first wild card spot.  Not bad, especially considering the central division is stacked as fuck.  It’s about that time of year to actually start paying attention to NHL, and I’m fucken stoked for this Stars resurgence.

Tyler Seguin Is a Bro King

Ranking Cole Beasley’s New Rap Single Among Other Cowboys Classics

Aside from running the same tired ass routes that Jason Garrett’s been calling all year, it looks like Cole Beasley has been putting time into a little pet project…



I will admit rap is my worst genre and I don’t know shit about it, but it seems pretty clear that he has flow and shit but completely forgot about the hook?  And the hook is the most important part of the song?  Oh well, good for him I guess.

Let’s look at some other Cowboys bangers from the past…

Lance Rentzel – Beyond Love (1968)


This song is actually pretty sick imho.  Rentzel was living the life back in the day – star receiver for the Cowboys, budding music star, and banging a Hollywood star.  Then he took those ‘beyond love’ feelings, showed them to a 10 year old, and his life fell apart.  V sad and dumb.  I wonder if it was the CTE’s fault.

Troy Aikman – Oklahoma Nights (1993)


Aikman’s singing skills = inverse of Aikman’s throwing skills.

Deion Sanders – Must be the Money (1994)


Not a great song, but that video is one of the most baller moves I’ve ever seen an athlete do.  Fucken awesome.

Terrell Owens – I’m Back (2006)


Yeeessss!!!  “No more get my Eagle on – meet me at the star!”  My teenage anthem.  God I would’ve been such an insufferably fun-loving human if we had ever managed to pull off a Super Bowl with TO.  Troll’s dream.  Unfortunately he fucked it all up.  Banger song though.

Ranking Cole Beasley’s New Rap Single Among Other Cowboys Classics

Rick Carlisle Sets the Sheep Straight on Lavar Ball

Not since the glory days have I been this proud of coach Carlisle.  The dipshits at Deadspin are telling him to chill, but it’s been long overdue for a coach to step up and call out this garbage from ESPN.

NBA proponents say one of the great features of the league is social media headlines and manufactured off-court drama.  They think it’s fascinating when national broadcasts spend half the game cutting to reaction shots of a talentless father just because he spews out sensational quotes.  However, there are many people (me) who’ve stopped watching the NBA because of garbage like this.

Yes, ESPN is a business and they have metrics showing that Ball stories get them clicks.  They also had metrics showing that Tebow drew an audience back in the day, and force-feeding that bullshit to us was a big factor in the overall decline in that brand.  They should take some lessons from Facebook and Upworthy on the long-term damages that short-term clickbait strategies can do to a brand.

While there may be a niche market for imbecile’s who like the Ball stories, it is nowhere near the mainstream that ESPN is trying to manufacture it into.  The fact that they’re paying for Lithuanian beat writers to follow him after laying off half their staff is despicable.  If it’s the route they want to follow, then Carlisle is right – they can do it without getting the media credentials that provide net positive value for the health of the association.

Rick Carlisle Sets the Sheep Straight on Lavar Ball

Demarcus Lawrence Says Fuck the Refs

Demarcus Lawrence went off the other day about the apparent referee conspiracy against the Cowboys right now.  He hasn’t gotten a holding call in five games.  The Cowboys as a team has had an obscenely low eight total holding calls against them all season, including a recent five game drought.  I don’t think really buy the conspiracy idea – this is the NFL we’re talking about and not the NBA.  But with a pass rush as strong as ours, it is pretty insane how these numbers are.

Regardless of whether or not you buy into this idea, Lawrence’s rant was quite hilarious…


Awesome viral rant that is sure to get our star pass rusher in trouble with the NFL, and what does Garrett have to say about it?  Nothing, he’s pretending he doesn’t even know about it.


Unbelievable really…  This dude tries so hard to push this Belichick/Saban aura about him, and it just makes him come off as an embarrassment.  Yeah, I’m sure he’s so focused on ‘the process’ and drawing up shit schemes that he doesn’t have time to notice any outside noise like players making viral headlines.  What a wizard we’ve got in charge here.

As for the game itself?  It was not ideal, and not just because it was a noon start.  We were tied 10-10 late in the 4th to a god awful Giants team that allegedly tanked the ending away for draft position.  Even worse, it brings Jason Garrett one step closer to stumbling into a winning season.  Bad news all around.

Demarcus Lawrence Says Fuck the Refs

Georgia Bulldogs Perpetuate Their Role as Losers

You could say that Georgia Bulldogs fans are like the Cowboys fans of college football.  They carry themselves as if they’re a flagship program, and they expect championships every year despite never being close to good enough.  Listening to a dawgs fan talk about Georgia football sometimes makes me realize how annoying my own NFL fanhood can come across as.

However, there is a major difference between these two teams…  The Cowboys actually are an iconic franchise with one of the richest histories in sports.  The dawgs, on the other hand, have one national championship from 38 years ago to draw back on.  That’s it.  They worship Herschel Walker for getting them that title, but oddly enough Walker’s trade led to three titles for the Cowboys.  Interesting!

It’s not like the dawgs ever come close to getting glory either.  If you’re a millennial fan, your best postseason memories are two Sugar Bowl victories (one against the mighty Hawaii Rainbow Warriors) and nothing else of note.  Oh, did I say millennial?  I meant Gen-X.  Their history is that fucken empty.
So why do Georgia fans think they’re so important?  Beats me.  I do know that it’s fucking weird, especially when so many of them are from Atlanta.  They’ve had badass baseball teams that couldn’t sell out playoff games.  They didn’t even try to get into hockey (dumb).  They don’t go to Hawks games because they’re too scared of black people.  When it comes to football, though, they’re all in for their garbage ass falcons bulldawgs.  Wooh!!

Mark Right had a job in Athens for 14 seasons for some reason, but I will admit they’re finally getting closer after finally firing him.  Kirby Smart has the #1 recruiting class and they made it all the way to overtime against Saban.  Maybe they can keep it up until after all the Bama freshmen that beat their ass last night declare for the NFL.  Then they might amount to something (for once)!

Georgia Bulldogs Perpetuate Their Role as Losers

Ohtani Is a Pussy and Signs with Angels

Otani became the first person ever to voluntarily move to Anaheim last week.  Its a crushing blow to Ranger nation.  Despite what most baseball fans assumed, we were a strong favorite to land this kid.

We’ve had a strong relationship with Nippon Ham ever since the Darvish signing.  We tried to sign him out of high school six years ago, and our assistant GM has taken point on building a strong relationship since that time.  And just to be safe, we finagled our way into having the highest international cap just for Otani’s contract.  I thought Japanese people valued loyalty, but I guess some of them value Disneyland more.

To be honest, I was starting to get sketched out when he turned away the Yankees so quickly.  He also might kind of suck at hitting in the MLB.  But an ace pitcher for practically no money is the game changer we needed to right this ship.  

We were also legit setting up a six man rotation for Otani, and that’s what I was most intrigued about.  Darvish had been calling for the MLB to do this for years, as that’s how they roll in Japan.  I understand why GMs have been so averse to the idea – its risky as hell – but I really want the Rangers to be the first to try.  Pitching arms seem as fragile as NFL players these days, and a six man rotation could be the solution we’re looking for.

Otani would’ve been perfect to headline a six man rotation because he could be an extra hitter without taking a roster spot, but he punked out on us.  I still think we should pursue this.  Arrieta could be dope.  And even though I compared him to an ex-girlfriend with AIDS last month, I’d be down to go after Darvish again to.  Let’s fucken do this.

For the Angels, this makes them closer to legit contention than a lot of people realize.  They were one game out of the wildcard in mid September despite a slow start and a long Trout injury.  Their bullpen, especially Keynan Middleton, is low key awesome.  Their defense is top notch.  If they sideline Pujols like they did Josh Hamilton, their offense could mash.  Their only problem is depth and no prospects to trade with.  We’ll see how it works out for them.

Ohtani Is a Pussy and Signs with Angels