American Wonder Boy Pulisic Signs with Chelsea, Now Owned by a Russian


Christian Pulisic signed with Chelsea yesterday in a landmark move that the American soccer community has never witnessed before.  It will be annoying as hell over the years listening to the fans on this side of the pond as Chelsea is the franchise for chode fans over here and it sucks that he’ll be on their team, but it’s still a move that had to be made.  Overall, there’s a lot of mixed emotions to process over this move as an American soccer fan.

From a marketing perspective, it was absolutely crucial for Pulisic to transfer out of Bundesliga and into the EPL.  It is by far the most accessible league to watch and bringing our wonder kid to the NBC streams can and should lead to an explosion in domestic viewers that was previously inconceivable outside of a World Cup tourney.

Chelsea also offers Pulisic the best opportunity amongst the elite EPL teams for immediate starting minutes, but they carry some organizational risk in the fact that they’ve had opportunities like this with many other recent prodigies and have found ways to shit the bed with most of them…

chelsea forwards


However, my biggest fear lies with Chelsea owner Roman Abramovich.  He is one of Putin’s richest cronies and now he owns our child prodigy.  It’s not out of the realm of possibility that Putin’s orders are to use the guise of Chelsea’s recent player development issues to stash Pulisic on the bench and block his rise to superstardom before 2022.  I mean the Russians have already tried ruining Star Wars for god’s sake; we cannot let this campaign they’re on to seep into our sports.

It is on us as a nation to monitor this situation diligently.  It’s on the press to raise alarms if Pulisic is kept off the pitch. It’s on us as fans citizens to ride the press and make sure our child savior gets the support he needs.  Even if you don’t care much for soccer, it’s your duty as an American citizen to stay on top of this.  Who knows how important 2022 will be.  A lot of people say we are losing respect around the globe as we slide away from hegemony.  There might be a lot of truth to that.  The next World Cup could and should serve as a symbol of our unceasing cultural and athletic prowess, and that shit can bleed over to politics as well.  Be on alert fellow citizens.  Protect our prodigy!

American Wonder Boy Pulisic Signs with Chelsea, Now Owned by a Russian