Can Tkachump the Coward Ice Up Enough to Play Tonight?

The first order of business last night was putting that coward Matthew Tkachump in the training room, and our captain got to work as soon as a face-off opportunity presented itself. This is how you spear a bitch…

Tkachump left the game, but came back hobbled and had his head hunted for the rest of the night. It was awesome to watch. Vintage stuff just like we used to do in Edmonton rd1 in the glory days. Maybe next year Tkachump will hold off on diving until a little longer than the very first period of a playoff series.

The final blow came early in the third, when Benn and Oleksiak sandwiched that little turd and took him off the ice for good

Oleksiak also delivered the final blow on the scoresheet by netting the game winner with just 39 seconds(!) left. It came off a very nifty cross-ice feed by Corey Perry. That’s right.. THAT Corey Perry. He also had a goal! He sucked way less, and we don’t have to keep hating him as much as we did when he was on the Ducks.


I hope everyone followed my advice and doubled down on Stars +189 for the series price. If you didn’t, you might as well just throw it all on -110 now because that line is still a joke.

That’s not to say we wouldn’t have issues against a better team like the Avs. We gave up the first goal just 19 seconds into the game, which makes ten straight games of giving up the first goal. Gotta stop that shit. We also collapsed in the third period by giving up a shorthanded goal and then a power play goal that came from a stupid Radulov o-zone penalty. Nevertheless, we’re still light years better than Calgary and we can breeze through them with a half effort.


-Heiskanen had two goals over 25 very dominant minutes. He is the best defenseman in the league. I wouldn’t trade him for anybody right now. Thank god we have him instead of Karlsson.

-Gurianov drew two penalties and was a beast on the puck all night, but he only played 10 minutes. We were leading for most of the game so that is a possible reason, but he needs to play more.

-Bishop showed flashes of his god mode but isn’t quite up to that full status yet. That’s fine. Until he gets there, we can rotate Dobby and keep our goalies rested but not rusty. It’s worked very well the past two regular seasons, and could be huge for us in a compressed playoff schedule.

-Next game is tonight! Gotta love the playoff back to backs, especially when you have two goalies and your opponent is hurting bad. Hey Tkachump…

Can Tkachump the Coward Ice Up Enough to Play Tonight?

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