All Aboard the Twins Train

After the horrendous Rangers opening weekend, I needed another AL pet team to ride for this once-in-a-lifetime 60 game season gambling opportunity. Without question, my chase bets went to the Twins.

  • 2 units to win the division at -122 (cha ching!)
  • 1 unit to win the AL at +5500
  • 1 unit to win the WS at +1250

Right now, I’m feeling pretty damn good with the 3 seed and home set against the trash ass disastros. What a time to be alive! Not only is my pet team in a good bracket spot, but they get a warmup round against my most hated sports team of all time. Sick.

Why did I bet the Twins? Aww thanks for asking. I’m surprised you cared!


First and foremost, they have Nelson Cruz and my heart wants him to get a ring so badly. It’s terrible what happened in St Louis nine years ago, and it’s terrible that it happened to him. We don’t get there without Cruz. Period. He was the MVP of the playoffs.

He hit SIX home runs in the ALCS, with two walkoff grand slams! His defense was important too as that cannon saved us Game 4…

He would’ve had the title-winning home run if Ron Washington had just put Endy Chavez in the game instead of proclaiming the 9th inning “up to god’s hands now” (god damnit), or if that scumbag Simon Crowell didn’t exist.

Alas, enough of that, I’m cheering for Cruz to get his rings with the Twins.


The other reason I bet the Twins is that I’m a Jon Daniels apologist and Twins GM Thad Levine is a Jon Daniels protege. That dude is smart as shit and I’ll buy into any team he’s running.

They have an offense that MASHES homers. They have a prototype 5 tool center fielder. They have a talented and fairly deep, albeit inconsistent, bullpen. And they have the second best starting pitcher ERA in the AL (behind only Cleveland’s death rotation).

The best of those pitchers is Kenta Maeda, who Levine traded for in the offseason in what was easily the shrewdest baseball move of the past year. Maeda killed it all season and will finish second in Cy Young voting.

He’s starting this afternoon in a leadoff matinee game (god is great) against that crybaby fuck head Zack Greinke. Twins -160. Lock it down.



I also want to recap how the Twins got to this spot because man oh man was it a wild ride…

They started out on a HOT 10-2 run (one of the losses was a Bieber gem). They had a +30 run differential that was first in the AL by a mile – the next closest at the time was Oakland at +13 – and they led the AL Central by 3 games.

They were scoring early and often, with first inning runs in half of their games (astounding). Out of 108 total innings played, they only trailed after 19 of them.

If you take out the two losses, they were leading after 76/90 innings (84%) and they were tied or leading after 85/90 innings (94%). Truly dominant stuff!

Then the droop came. A 10-14 run against some baaad competition – 21 games against the Royals, Tigers, Brewers, and Pirates. Yeeesh. They entered September trailing the White Sox by 2.5 games.

But then they stormed back with another 10-2 run! It seemed all they needed was better competition to get motivated because they won 2/3 vs the Sox and got a clutch series sweep vs Cleveland.


On September 14, they entered a huge four game mega series at the Sox to decide the division. And they… kind of fucked it all up. They lost games 1 and 2, won game 3, and then were winning most of game 4 until a couple of meltdowns.

The first came from Josh Donaldson right after hitting the biggest home run of the season

Which shouldn’t have mattered, but the bullpen melted down next inning and the Twins couldn’t rally with a giant hole in their 2 spot. It appeared my money was gone…

But lo and behold, the Sox fucking CHOKED. They lost 8 out of 10 and completely fell apart! The Twins won the Central by one game and now it’s house money time baby!

Instead of traveling to Oakland for the first place A’s, we get those soft ass crybaby, lyin’, cheatin’, scoundrel disastros. 

God is great. And god did I love gambling that 60 game season. Indeed, what a time to be alive.

All Aboard the Twins Train