Dirk who?  With the 52^nd pick in the NBA draft last night, the Mavs just assured themselves a handful of future titles by selecting 7’2”, 300lb Satnam Singh.  This dude is the truth!  He comes from a tiny farming village of less than 1,000 people in India, and had been training with IMG academy in the US since he was 15.  Of course he’s gonna be able to rebound and block a ton of shots with ease, but can he shoot?  Uhhh, yeah…

He’s only 19 too.  He’s going to dominate the NBA for years to come.  I honestly don’t understand how he wasn’t the #1 pick.  Seriously, he’s a monster!!  Look at him in this IMG video below, complete with his Dikembe Mutumbo monster voice and all…

Mark Cuban has to be thrilled right now.  Not only is he primed to have more championship rings than Phil Jackson, he just made 1.2 billion brand new Mavericks fans.  Singh will be worth way more in terms of branding than Yao Ming ever was.

Sure, all of the Chinese loved the Rockets for the first few years of Yao Ming, but most of them eventually switched to being Lakers fans (and then to Heat fans, and now probably Warriors fans).  In general, the fans over there tend to be front runners.  Can you blame them?  The only other professional sport they followed before basketball was soccer, and you’ll get real miserable real fast as a soccer fan if you don’t learn to embrace front running.

In India, it’s a completely different story.  They’ve been following other sports for decades.  They’re going to be loyal to Dallas forever.  Also, there are plenty of other Chinese basketball players that have played in the NBA.  There’s only one Indian.  It’s a lock – the Mavs fan base is now bigger than that of other team in the NBA combined.  Suck on that Lakers and Knicks!!  In the slim chance Satnam Singh actually needs good teammates around him to win his ten rings, Mark Cuban’s pockets will be so deep with new cash that the luxury tax won’t be a thing for Dallas.

Sorry rest of the NBA.  You’re doomed.