Here are some gambling locks to help you get loaded today.  12-10 on the season so far after a recent slump, but it’s still a winning record we’re about to go on a tear.

Morning Hangover Cures

Oklahoma -6 vs West Virginia

WVU has played vs Georgia Southern, vs Liberty, and vs Maryland this year.  So not only is this their first road game, it’s also their first game against any team that’s worth a shit.  OU’s defense will suffocate the Mountaineers and Baker Mayfield will score enough to cover.  This spread should be at least ten but for some reason the bookmakers price it like it’s in Morgantown.  The fuck outta here…

TCU -14 vs Texas

Texas does finally have a quarterback in Juice Heard and they’re starting to suck a lot less lately, but they still suck way too much to stay within two scores on the road against a playoff team and a Heisman contender QB.

Army +26 at Penn State

Not saying I’m actually going to watch, but this spread is flat out stupid and I’m definitely going to gamble and win on it.  Penn State has been anything but dominant this year and opened up their season with a 17 point loss to Temple, but their laying nearly four TDs against a triple option team?  That is fucking retarded.

Louisville +3 at NC State

Again, no interest in seeing too much of this game outside of commercial breaks for the more fun games, but I love Bobby Petrino and Louisville getting points in this situation.  The Wolfpack have had nothing but cupcakes on their schedule, while Louisville nutted up and started their season with Auburn, Houston, and Clemson.  Louisville also has an underrated defense and they’ll definitely keep this game within a field goal.

Afternoon Day Drinking

Alabama +2 at Georgia

Nick Saban is getting points after a loss?  It’s against a choke artist like Mark Richt and not Urban Meyer?  And people really think Alabama has a chance of losing?  Holy shit, sign me up for that money faucet!  But Georgia has Nick Chubbs…  Guess who is not scared at all?  Me.

Georgia Tech -7.5 vs North Carolina

It sucks that Georgia Tech lost to Duke last week, but they’re returning home to pound the shit out of a garbage UNC squad and they’ll be back on top of the coastal conference in no time.

Kansas State +7 at Oklahoma State

Oklahoma State is one of the most overrated ranked teams I have ever seen.  They struggled against all of their early season cupcakes.  Then they played Texas last week, which technically I would still consider a cupcake, and got bailed out when the Longhorns shanked a punt for 7 yards to set up a chip shot game winning field goal.  Now they’re laying a touchdown against Bill Snyder?  Fade the FUCK out of the that!  The +250 moneyline is also good here.

Texas Tech/Baylor Under 90.5

There’s a new all time record for a totals line, fuck yeah!  How could we not gamble on it?  Our boy Mahomes of Texas Tech is questionable with a knee injury, and I expect issues with pain combined with pressure of being on the road to cause of a few of their drives to stall and keep this total under 90.  It’s gonna feel so great to experience history while making money at the same time.

Primetime Profits

Ole Miss -7 at Florida

Ole Miss is the best team in the SEC.  Their defense is fucking insane. Florida, despite their improvement, still sucks.  Also, everyone on the team has the flu.  Chad Kelly is the fucking truth and his Johnny Manziel 2.0 tour continues with a romp at the swamp.

Arkansas +7 at Tennessee

As I just noted, Florida sucks.  Who just lost to Florida?  Tennessee.  Who is the most overrated team in the SEC?  Tennessee.  People want Tennessee to be good so badly, and they’re always overrated through October because of it, but that doesn’t ever keep Tennessee from sucking.  Arkansas has struggled lately, but it’s been against good teams and they are still talented.  I’ll take the touchdown with them.

Mississippi St +4 at Texas A&M

The Aggies have talent.  Their QB Kyle Allen is good, and their freshman sensation at WR Christian Kirk is unreal.  However, the talent at this program is still too raw.  Also, I’m pretty sure Kevin Sumlin keeps putting in freshman QB Kyler Murray because of recruiting promises he made to keep him from bolting to Texas, and it keeps fucking up their offense.  The Bulldogs obviously have their question marks this year but they still have Dak Prescott and a sensational coaching staff and that’s enough for me to take the points with them.

UCLA -14 vs Arizona State

Arizona State is looking to be one of the biggest disappointments of the season, and UCLA looks primed to win the Pac-12.  UCLA’s elite defense will lead this rout in the Rose Bowl.

Notre Dame +3 at Clemson

Here we go…  The biggest matchup of the weekend.  Time for Clemson to show the nation how good they are with a big time victory at home, right?  FUCKING WRONG!  Clemson always loses their big games.  They got blown out at home by Florida State two years ago.  They lost to FSU’s shitty backup quarterback last year.  And now they’re playing a team with a defense half filled with NFL prospects, and they’re giving points?  Fuuuccckkk that.

Also, has anybody actually seen Deshaun Watson play this year?  He’s the most overrated player in college football.  He can run, but he can’t throw for shit and that’s kind of important for the quarterback position…  Take the points and watch Brian Kelly’s defense shut his ass down.

Nighttime

Tease Stanford to -4 and Oregon to -.5