Bundesliga Blue Balls

Germany took its most important step to date in atoning for WW2 when the Bundesliga restarted, and the past two days have been far and away the high point of the league’s short history of relevance.  We had what was essentially a title game between Dortmund and Bayern Munich on Tuesday, kicking off a total of ten games over two afternoons.  Like I’ve always said, there is nothing better than weekday daytime gambling.  I love it just like Larry David loves daytime sex.

That being said, I came out of this experience with a bit of blue balls.  Imagine you’re one of those North Dakota oil workers, or in a more topical example one of those slaves who’s finishing up the Qatar stadiums.  You’ve been isolated from females for months, maybe years, and you finally get some time off to head to town and buy a hooker.  Only problem is you’re charged per load instead of per hour, and you burn through all you can afford in 30 seconds.  Sure, you got laid and you really needed it, but you’re not healed.

That’s what it’s like with a sports calendar with bundesliga and nothing else.  Usually I am served with a main course of evening gambling on American sports after a casual afternoon of soccer gambling.  That wasn’t available and those became two of the antsiest nights of my entire lifetime.  Also, Bundesliga is cool but it’s nothing like the EPL.  That’s why my sports pants are feeling the happiest they’ve been in ages after this morning’s news:

Praise.  The God.  Damned.  Lord.