The Lakers Are Falling Apart and So Is LeBron’s Stupid Movie

A year ago when the world was normal, the mercenaries that joined the Lakers had valid business reasons to work under the shitshow that is playing for LeBron. They expected to do his bidding while living a free life in LA, but this bubble tourney is way more than they bargained for. Ship jumping has commenced.

Avery Bradley opted out. Dwight Howard had to be begged and pleaded to come, but will probably follow in Bradley’s footsteps soon because his teammates are boring as shit (or they just hate him, or both). Jason Kidd is doing interviews and is probably checked out.

It took less than a day for Rajon Rondo to escape the bubble with a million dollar wound – a ‘broken thumb’ in his very first practice. This is no surprise coming from the smartest man in the league, so let’s take a quick aside to appreciate the common man’s hero of the NBA.

Rondo is a true mercenary with a pay:work ratio that awes us no less than it shames us. Besides coasting through every single regular season game with a steady 0% effort level, here are some other things Rondo has done to earn his $55M over the past five years:

  • Peacing out on the Mavs for an early vacation after 30 minutes of playoff basketball in 2015 because Carlisle wouldn’t let him call plays
  • Humiliating his old team in 2017 by singlehandedly carrying the Bulls to an upset over the Celtics, before peacing out for vacation with a ‘thumb injury’ before they could clinch
  • Singlehandedly reviving basketball in New Orleans by carrying the team to a sweep over the Blazers, and then peacing out for vacation right when the Warriors series started

The last point should be especially concerning for Lakers fans as anybody who’s followed AD from the start can remind you that he’s never come close to winning a series without riding the back of Playoff Rondo. 

Pre-Covid, LeBron Stans everywhere boasted their beliefs that the NBA would rig a title to the Lakers for Kobe. Why these people think LeBron of all people is worthy to honor Kobe beats me. It seems like they were opposites in the way they approached life, but to be fair this was also all before the Jordan documentary that reminded us what great American competitors are about. Even still, did they just forget that Dwight Howard was on the team too? Kobe HATED Dwight.

Fortunately the post-covid world can put those silly hopes and dreams to bed. Remember what this season was all about for LeBron – promoting his stupid movie. It started with him protecting his interests in China for that stupid movie, and it’s ending with him protecting his interests in China for that stupid movie. You know who has ZERO interest in seeing that stupid movie succeed? Disney.

They’re gonna want him the fuck out of that campus as soon as possible and I’m all in for watching that happen.  Fade the Lakers.

Round 1 lock – Pelicans in six.