Which Bennett Brother Is More Bro

With the Bennett brothers grabbing headlines this week, I think it’s a good time to analyze which one is more bro.  Let’s start with their recent tweets…

CutlerJesus

StaffordJFK

Winner: Martellus

Michael lost this round more than Martellus won it.  The anti-Dallas sentiment from Michael here makes him sound like a salty Houston native that can never get past his little brother syndrome despite all the wealth and success attained throughout his NFL career.  That’s sad.  Houston is sad.

Next, let’s take a look at their all-time greatest media quotes.  Here is Martellus during his 2012 training camp with the Giants

I’m stronger than I’ve ever been, I’m faster than I’ve ever been.  I could run all day.  I’m kind of like a black unicorn out there.  It’s amazing to watch.  You go out there and you see a big, black guy running down the field, it’s usually me.

Ahh nice.  Now let’s recall Michael’s gold from his post Super Bowl interview last February, when asked if he was shocked by the Russell Wilson interception

About as shocked as your wife when she saw your penis for the first time.  Because it’s small.

Oohhhh boom roasted!

Winner – Michael

Now for the ultimate tiebreaker, let’s reexamine the Black Olympics from 2009…

Winner – Martellus

What the fuck…  Michael cheated in every fucking contest!  He didn’t finish all of his chicken, he started drinking his Kool-Aid too early, and then he got disqualified during the watermelon race.  It’s fitting that he’s a Seahawk.

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Which Bennett Brother Is More Bro

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