Dan Duquette Begins Slow Road to Recovery After Horrific Trade Rape

pulp fiction rape

I’m pretty sure the Orioles GM Dan Duquette still has a very sore ass from the trade rape that Theo Epstein did to him in July of 2013.  It is easily the worst sports trade in recent history, and probably one of the worst of all time.  For those that need a refresher, Epstein sent Scott Feldman and Steve Clevenger from the Cubs in exchange for Jake Arrieta and Pedro Strop.

We all know how it’s been working out for Chicago.  Arrieta was nearly unhittable this past summer and just won his first Cy Young.  Strop was a shut down setup man.  Both were key cogs in the Cubs playoff run this year and will remain important as the Cubs gear up to make some big time World Series runs in the upcoming years.

Scott Feldman threw in a solid 5-6 record and 4.27 ERA over 15 starts to help the Orioles make it all the way to 6.5 games behind the 2nd wild card spot.  He left for the Astros in free agency the following winter.  Steve Clevenger was a solid backup catcher that made it into 30 games last year.  Yikes…  I think it’s safe to say the Orioles didn’t fare so well.

dan duquette

They say there are two phases to recovery from a traumatic rape such as this: the Acute Phase and the Reorganization Phase.  Earlier this week, it seemed that Duquette might be entering the reorganization phase when news came out that he traded Clevenger to the Mariners for Mark Trumbo. However, despite his attempts at getting his shit together, his mind definitely remains clouded because this is another terrible trade.

First of all, it means Chris Davis is probably on his way out.  If that’s the case, Duquette has lost it for good.  The Orioles are going nowhere if they cannot bring their best player back.

Second of all, Mark Trumbo fucking sucks.  He had some decent power numbers in LA, but had issues getting his OBP up and the Angels dealt him to the Diamondbacks.  They love a lot of power hitters over in Phoenix, but Trumbo is not one of them.  In his first year in 2014, he spent half the summer on the DL and played like shit the other half.  This past June, Arizona shipped him the fuck out of town and he spent the rest of the season playing mediocre baseball for a mediocre Seattle team.  This week’s trade makes the third team in three years that has sent Trumbo packing.

I get that the type of brutal rape that laid victim to Duquette can be emotionally shattering, but this is the major leagues.  If he keeps fucking up like this, he’s endangering the health of more than his own as Baltimore fans may very well be on suicide watch soon.  It’s okay homies, the Ravens should get a top 5 draft pick you can look forward to!

Dan Duquette Begins Slow Road to Recovery After Horrific Trade Rape