Michael Bloomberg Will Always Be a Dallas Cowboys Hero

plaxicogun

There’s a lot of Eli Manning HOF truthers who like to say that he was never good outside those two Super Bowl years.  I don’t know what they were watching in 2008, but it sure wasn’t NFL.  The Giants were awesome that year and it was terrifying.  At Thanksgiving weekend, they were 9-1 and cruising to home field advantage when Plaxico Burress learned the hard way that sweatpant waistbands are not the safest gun holsters.

Burress spent 20 months in prison, which was unprecedented for an athlete and it was hard not to feel at least some sympathy for him.  His teammate Steve Smith had just been robbed at gunpoint three days earlier, and the gun was previously registered back in Florida (expired and out of state but still).  He was certainly no Pacman or Crittenton that’s for sure, but New Yorkers wanted to get rid of guns and he served as a powerful example to help make that happen.

Most importantly, the Giants season completely derailed after suddenly losing the best possession receiver in the league.  For that, I give eternal thanks to Mike Bloomberg.  He’s in the news lately for a political race that will cause 40-60% of the population to feel deep despair, but it is nothing like the despair of watching your rival go back to back.

 

🚨🚨 NFL EXTRA POINTS 🚨🚨

The biggest trade since Herschel Walker looks to be this brewing deal between NBC and ESPN for announcers.  The true winners of this trade are fans and society.  Spending Monday nights with Al Michaels and Peyton Manning instead of Boog is going to lift everyone’s moods, and we finally get Mike Tiri-goat back!

The NFL is going to the going to the Supreme Court to fight a very frivolous lawsuit.  Apparently some people think that $293 is a rip off for the hundreds of hours of pure bliss that Sunday Ticket provides.  What kind of psychopath likes football but doesn’t watch other teams?  Must be the russians again.

The Tom Brady to 49ers speculation has finally started.  Called it.  Garoppolo is turning into the next Matt Cassell right before our eyes and they have a $4M out on his contract.  This has been a no brainer all along.

Baker Mayfield’s offseason has barely started and it’s getting brutal – possibly more brutal than that season long ad campaign he did.  Last week, a host on the Browns flagship network called him a midget.  But that was nothing compared to a few weeks back when a woman gave a radio interview about blowing him in a Cheesecake Factory parking lot.  She provided proof in the form of dick pics as other women called in to tell similar stories like the time he cheated on his Instagram wife the first night after his honeymoon.  Our heroine signs off the interview by saying (34:30 mark) “I think he already ruined his career anyway because he sucks at football now”