An accurate depiction of Lou Williams sitting through a funeral while waiting to get laid at Magic City:

It should come as no surprise that several Clippers left the bubble to get laid last week. A well-earned perk of locking up the 2 seed in advance is the ability to get out and ween your addictions before games start mattering. Good on Lou Williams for taking advantage.

It comes as less of a surprise that Lou Williams is the first player outed for chasing tail. He didn’t start drinking until his rookie season, but proved himself a natural on a chugging bet to win $15k and the eternal respect of Allen Iverson. Nowadays, he doesn’t tell young players where he goes out because he says they’ll be too hungover for games.

Loving alcohol is highly correlated with loving tail, and Lou Williams is no exception. He is a successful polygamist with two girlfriends that are cool with each other and sleep in bed with him at the same time. Basically he is a bro king and I’m all in on the Clippers as the only team that can beat the Mavs.

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The reason I bring this up is to use my platform to provide the greatest life hack I’ll ever be able to offer – how to trick your wife or girlfriend into having a threesome with you. The steps are simple:

1. Download a Showtime streaming package
   
2. Turn on the show Polyamory: Married and Dating in front of her
   
3. Accompany her when she inevitably starts binging (it’s reality TV and she’s a woman)
   
4. Sit back as the show primes her brain to normalize group sex
   
5. Wait for a sorority sister to visit her and then accept their offer for a threesome

It might not work for everyone at a 100% clip, but the odds are better than any other methods I’ve seen out there. I guarantee it.