It’s a beautiful day today throughout most of America. That doesn’t mean degenerate gambling won’t still be fun. Here’s some picks to help you out…
Pirates -152 at Reds
The Reds usually play the Pirates really well but give me Gerrit Cole over a shit team 100% of the time.
Mets -147 vs Nats
Huge victory for the Mets last night to try and take this division back. Now they have DeGrom and Syndergaard against the weak end of the Nats rotation, they just got d’Arnaud back, and Cespedes enters the lineup for the first time tonight. I think they’re going to sweep this series and that includes a DeGrom victory tonight.
Brewers +110 vs Cubs
The Cubs are on the decline lately and Garza is usually a solid home bet against division teams.
Rangers -125 vs Giants
The Rangers lit up Bumgarner last night and it will be much easier for them against a righty (Heston) tonight. Hamels gets the nod tonight and expect their new ace to deliver up a W in his first start for Texas.
Dodgers -210 vs Angels
Its a steep line, but it’s Kershaw with extra rest. Grab it for gimmie +1 to your unit total.
NYCFC -104 (3 way ml) vs Montreal Impact, Over 3 goals -108
The NYC offense has been fire at home, and it’s about to get a lot better now that Pirlo has joined the side to serve up some sick long balls to David Villa. They also beat Montreal on the road a few weeks ago. If you haven’t been watching MLS lately, you’d actually be surprised at how much less it is starting to suck. NYCFC is the most exciting to watch imo, and there’s no better way to get yourself hooked then by gambling on them.
I’ll admit I haven’t been tapped in to baseball much lately (still in Europe celebrating) but I do know enough still that Mike Trout getting scratched tonight at Houston makes this game a joke. I fucking hate the Astros and I still recommend betting a lot on them. Because they’re going to win.
What up y’all. As many of you know, my gambling followers are flushwithcash right now. Although I’m usually very confident in my picks, even I have to admit the British Open is always too difficult a handicap. That being said, if you want to degenerately gamble your way to more riches this week, I GUARANTEE one of these three players will win…
Rickie Fowler 15:1
The dude keeps getting top 5 after top 5 finish this year and he just won the Scottish Open. He opened at 25:1 so a lot of money is on him right now, which is not necessarily a good thing (it’s almost always better to bet with Vegas instead of against), but he is a great golfer in top form right now.
Adam Scott 21:1
Finished top 5 in the past three British Opens, and had a real strong finish to the US Open. This could be his time to finally come through.
Matt Kuchar 46:1
He was the runner up in the Scottish Open and the sports books here in Europe have him as low as 20:1 odds. Probably the best under the radar bet out there and if he’s contending on Sunday, it would be really easy for you to hedge out a guaranteed profit.
Jordan Spieth 5:1
Obviously the man to beat and the best golfer in the world right now. I’m going to the tournament and betting on him mainly because I want to cheer for history. Check out this take from our preeminent golf expert (who may be writing a more detailed post soon)…
If it were me I’d wait until the first round is done before I lay that much on the line. If you’re giving me Spieth versus the field, I’m taking the field. But if you’re giving me just one guy, then Spieth is the guy. Sources say he’s teeing off on late afternoon Friday when Scottish winds are apparently the worst so be on the look out either he goes low or shoots 80 easily.
Spieth is there with his GIR and scrambling percentages, but his driving distance and accuracy numbers aren’t as good as what the past winners have done on this course.
Id take spieth to win it all but I’m not that confident yet. He has alot to prove going into this week especially since he had a shorter week by play (winning) this past weekend.
Sorry for the brevity I am in Europe right now and it’s hard to keep this up. I just looked up the Wimbledon lines and cannot believe that Djokovic is only -118 against Federer today. I know Federer would be way more fun to cheer for, but this is a line you absolutely cannot pass up. Djokovic is the top ranked player in the world and its not even close (he leads the standings by over 4,000 points). Federer is 34 years old. GTFO of here with this line… A lot of people are ripping on Djokovic for his loss to Stan Wawrinka in the French Open final a few weeks ago, but Federer lost to the same person in straight sets in the quarterfinals.
There are a couple of risks here, mainly Federer’s serve being on fire lately and Djokovic might have had a sore shoulder a week ago during a match, but that isn’t enough for a line at almost 50/50 odds. No way. This line should be at least -160 or -170. I don’t even know if I can watch this whole thing because I have some shit to do in Budapest, but I’m definitely max betting this match.
What up yall, I’m in Ibiza right now celmebrating some winnings from our earlier gambling picks. I may be pretty not sober right now but I have enough wits to have learned three facts…
1. Sergio Ramos is transferring to Manchester United. A buddy of mine just met him in a club and when some people asked him to do drugs he said he couldn’t because of a physical with Man U the next day. If you combine that with what you read on google it looks pretty clear he wants out of the club, but Madrid is trying to force a gridlock where they get David de Gea in return. A couple things confuse me about this…
-Ramos is sick but in my short time of watching soccer I can’t imagine a bigger goal suppressing factor out there than David de Gea. Not a good trade for Man U (unless they also get Navas in return then okay maybe but still too risky I think)
-why would anyone want to move from a place like Madrid to Manchester? Is the extra money really enough to be worth it? Or is Madrid that awful to play for right now?
Anyway Ramos left the place that night with two Spanish putas while his very pregnant wife stayed at home. Power move and a half
2. Angel di Maria to Barcelona – was just chatting about the Ramos deal with a cab driver and he said he just heard from some previous passengers about a transfer deal with Di Maria and Barcelona, letting him get a serious opportunity to team up with the Messi-ah, his most famous international teammate, for some sweet sweet revenge against Real Madrid. Obviously this can’t happen until the January transfer window but it makes a lot of sense and would be quite an easy futures bet in the making if it happened.
3. Iker Casillas to FC Porto – the same cab driver said he heard from some guests Iker Casillas was going to Porto. Would be pretty sick to see him holding down the last line of defense in a champions league knockout round against Real next year. UPDATE: done deal we’re 1/1 so far
If you haven’t been following my picks yet, your bookie is probably much more content with his bank account than he should be. It’s not too late to jump on the bandwagon as Chile remains an underdog at +150 on the two way moneyline. I doubled down obvs. You should take it too and laugh your way to the bank as you realize how much more awesome the rest of your summer is about to be.
It’s well documented that I am not the biggest fan of women’s soccer. However, I’m still getting pretty stoked for USA-Germany tonight. Earlier this week, I was talking to a buddy from Germany who told me I should actually start getting more interested in this tournament…
Some may ask why I’d be friends with anybody who could make such misogynistic jokes, but they need to remember that we are proponents of cultural tolerance on this site. Germans have a different way of humor, but they are still happy, they tend to be pretty chill people overall, and they are responsible for giving us Dirk and Jürgen Klinsmann. So let’s just laugh and let live…
Another reason I’m getting pumped for this match is some of the analysis I’ve seen in the media lately. Check out Julie Foudy on ESPN FC Sunday night…
Oh my god could you believe that smiley face? That was just absolutely the most adorable thing I have ever seen in sports!**
Just. So. Cute!! And how about Dan Thomas spitting that fire game? Nice work bro.
In all seriousness though, there are legitimate reasons that this game might, maybe be cool. Possibly… In the women’s game, you tend to see the players having a lot more space to work with and the possession is much more clearly defined and controlled (similar to Olympic hockey). It can be a nice change of pace from a men’s game where the players can seem rushed too often. Is this unique style worth getting geeked up to watch a plethora of group games? Fuck no. Is it worth watching a few big games once every four years. Sure!
There is also a lot of American pride at stake, and that’s legit. It really is fun and uplifting for your country to win this tournament. Japan’s 2011 victory meant a lot to their country as they were still coping from a horrific tsunami. I know the Germans take a lot of pride in the two straight titles they won in the early 2000s.
Our own title in 1999 was awesome. It cannot be understated how important that win was in helping bust through all of the inertia impeding the growth of US soccer culture as a whole for so many decades. Hosting the 94 Men’s tournament was a huge catalyst in legitimizing this sport, but it was just as important to see a group of our own people beat the rest of the world to realize the sport of soccer was the truth. As frustrating as it can be to watch our men’s team battle through the long, arduous path it takes to rise from irrelevance to being a true world force, it always helps to see our women kick ass to know that maybe our boys could pull it off one day as well.
The title game itself was a great sports moment as well. Super intense throughout the entire overtime. Brianna Scurry game up big for us in goal. Kristine Lilly had a monster play for us in overtime to header out a ball on the goal line (can’t find a video but you’ll see it on TV soon if we win tonight). And then PKs where our women were clutch city. Also, the ten year old boys like me who were growing up in an era of pre-internet porn will never forget the treasure that Brandi Chastain gave us…
To wrap, can we all agree that this might be the greatest Nike commercial ever? (Warning: not suitable for the 2015 PC police, but if you made it this far you’re probably down to laugh and let live)
Oh yeah and take us with the spread on a pick em line at +104. Don’t fuck with the three way line.
Yesterday, I was reading a Deadspin article about airplane etiquette (I fucking love to fly) and stumbled upon a comment from an insufferable Internet troll that immediately put me into hate reading mode.
So Chris Kluwe flies Spirit Airlines? Grosss. Even in college when I had no income, I would’ve never, ever subjected myself to flying such a shitty airline. Why on earth is Chris Kluwe doing it? He made over $7.5M in the NFL, so he either squandered an obscene amount of money to become broke, or he is one of those annoying cheap assholes that cannot tell the obvious differences between sensible frugality and miserly behavior. It reminds of this one time I had a roommate (with a six figure salary) who Venmo charged everyone in the apartment 32 cents to pay for a random PPV movie on the cable bill. She was hot though, so we still loved living with her (when she was single).
Some people really enjoy Chris Kluwe’s takes and hope he becomes an established writer somewhere on the Internet; none of those people are humans that I would enjoy hanging out with. Chris Kluwe is an insufferable troll and I hope that one day he just leaves the Internet forever.
Let’s do a quick recap of who Chris Kluwe is for those who may not know of him… Basically, he punted for the Vikings for eight years, and when he eventually got cut for a younger alternative, he ratted out his former coaches with 4,000 words of butthurt drivel on Deadspin.
He said he was cut because of his controversial off the field comments, but any football fan with a brain knows that he was cut because he was old, injured, and did not warrant a $1.4M salary. But besides that, yeah all the off field shenanigans were probably really annoying for the rest of the Vikings. You can say ‘distractions’ are overrated, but there is no way all of his teammates weren’t annoyed by having to answer questions about a fucking punter all the time.
No Chris Kluwe – it’s not what was being said, it’s who was saying it. Take this famous Peyton Manning rant and multiply it by 100, because punters are infinitesimally less important than kickers or any other position in football. (true story – I’m a diehard Cowboys fan with season tickets, and I don’t know who our punter is nor do I care to find out)
What the fuck is that even supposed to mean? Go the fuck away dude!
If you’re not convinced yet that Chris Kluwe is the worst, here are some other comments that show just how unchill he is…
On Barry Bonds
If you’re a sports fan under 40 and you hate Barry Bonds, you’re the worst. I don’t need to go into all the reasons behind this, but lets just say he is way more deserving of those home run records than Mark fucking McGwire.
On perfect games in baseball
Really dude?
On the Ballers premiere
Ohhh no those poor athletes!! They have to be young, rich, and wealthy!? God I’m so glad I wasn’t blessed with amazing athletic talent or my life would be the fucking worst. (Ballers sucks by the way)
On Game of Thrones
And that clinches it… One of the great social litmus tests of 2015 is if you’ve been watching Game of Thrones for years and are just now quitting, you suck as a person.
If you’ve been following my gambling advice, your bookie is shaking in his boots right now. Edu Vargas scored both goals for us to beat Peru 2-1. The second goal was this masterpiece…
Awesome. It’s the type of long shot that you try to rip in a co-rec soccer game when you want to impress that cute colleague on your team so you can trick her into being attracted to you. Rarely do we see players at this high of a level be able to pull it off, but Vargas was just too much fire tonight.
Just one more win to go, and we can all be blowing some nice celebratory chi-lines for Chile and basking in the misery of our bookies. Can’t wait.
7th Floor Krewe 
You must be logged in to post a comment.