cowboys-offseason

Zeke’s Been Feeding Himself Kills in Some Badass Warzone Wins

Wilbanks, , , ,

We’re still in the offseason but that doesn’t stop Zeke from cranking out some sick highlights for Cowboy Nation:

https://twitter.com/ezekielelliott/status/1288859139528183810?s=21

What a player. What a competitor. You can tell by the way he licks his lips while killing that ‘Feed Me’ is more than a football mantra – it’s a life mantra.

I’m certain I’ve played this game more than Zeke and I feel alright about my skills, but he’s still as better than me at Warzone as he is at NFL football. The C4 throws. The confidence in the final circles. The swagger to assassinate that motherfucker with a finishing move. It’s a classic example of how most great athletes aren’t just great at the sport they play; they’re great at anything remotely resembling a competition.

.

Partying is a competitive sport for most bros and Zeke has been no exception throughout all his prior offseasons. This year however, he’s been forced to channel that energy into video games and has had the quietest summer since he’s been drafted. That hasn’t stopped scumbag outlets like SI from continuing to slander his name, so we’re getting used to the fact that people will be after his character for the rest of his career.

By all public accounts over the past four years, Zeke has shown nothing but class. Interviews, All or Nothing footage, streams, mic’d up segments – they’ve always portrayed a calm, chill, happy-go-lucky beacon of utter confidence. He doesn’t want trouble, but haters are bringing it to him anyways because they’re convinced he’s a monster whenever we can’t see. At this point, there’s nothing we can do about until the haters have to kiss our rings.

.

What is worth getting riled up over is the other kind of slander Zeke’s faced this summer – that of his play on the football field. The most egregious culprit is Next Gen Stats, which is owned by washing r-word fan Jeff Bezos. They had a competition to come up with a new stat, and they awarded it some fucking nerds in Austria who have never watched a down of football in their lives. Their new stat, ‘expected rushing yards’, doesn’t even rank Zeke in the top 10. Dumb fucking nerds.

Ahead of Zeke in their rankings is Carlos Hyde, Mark Ingram, Leonard Fournette, and Chris Carson. Utterly ridiculous. Clearly analytics has a long ass way to go to be as meaningful in football as it is in other sports, and until then we should let these euro nerds stick to soccer. I’m with Zeke’s mom on this one…

Zeke’s Been Feeding Himself Kills in Some Badass Warzone Wins

Who Let Their Dogs Out??? Dak, Zeke, Dak-And-Zeke!

Wilbanks, ,

Dak and Zeke add another saga to their bromance as they’ve now both been sued because of their dogs.  Dak’s dog bit off a woman’s finger last year, and last month Zeke’s dog nearly bit off a woman’s arm.  Pictures in both cases are pretty gruesome and I feel for the women here because it was probably painful.  However, and I’m going to try and say this as delicately as possible, these ‘victims’ need to understand two things.

(1) However it is they act around dogs needs changing.  Dogs reflect their owners, and two of the chillest dudes in the NFL are Dak and Zeke.  Let’s also remember that Zeke’s first dog, OG Ace, was featured on his ‘my cause my cleats’ shoes his rookie year to bring awareness to his animal charities. Let’s just make sure to confirm all the facts before making any judgments.

(2) When Dez had to give away his pet monkey in 2016, he was never the same player since.  These women are fucking with America’s Team and to see it coming from two locals is unacceptable.  I would sacrifice a limb for a Super Bowl and I expect every other fan to feel the same. Fortunately, Dak’s dog escaped the death penalty and he put up MVP caliber numbers last year.  Let’s pray the same happens with Zeke.

It’s been a rough offseason for Zeke.  Every EDM concert all over the world was canceled and he hasn’t been able to enjoy his favorite hobby of rolling face.  Even when he’s been trying to do his thing low key, he gets ratted out by Dak’s neighbors for bringing too many friends to a quarantine dinner party.  The snitches in Texas are out of control.

Of course, a Zeke offseason wouldn’t be complete without the mainstream media making it their mission to slander him with outright lies.  Sports Illustrated is the latest perpetrator, claiming that Zeke admitted to being high on a live stream.  Apparently, the words “Ohh bro I’m low key faaadded bro, oh no I didn’t even end my streammm yet” is proof of smoking marijuana these days.  So sick of this shit.

PS – I did hear bits and pieces of this stream.  Zeke basically admitted that he doesn’t think the season will happen this year and hasn’t been working out accordingly.  Not a concern to me. Just remember that Bo Jackson never lifted weights, and Zeke has already rushed for twice as many yards as Bo ever could.

Who Let Their Dogs Out??? Dak, Zeke, Dak-And-Zeke!