Every inning that Chris young pitches makes it more and more automatic that Matz is gonna annihilate game 4. Cmon KC, you’re gonna definitely lose on Saturday just to maybe  win tonight? Doesn’t seem very logical to me…

So close…  Sooooo fucking close to making the greatest catch of all time.

Torii Hunter is 100% a Hall of Famer and anyone who says otherwise has a stick up their ass and doesn’t know what they’re talking about.  He was a true five tool player and a key cog for three separate perennial playoff teams.  For nearly two decades, he was smack dab in the middle of any debate on who the best center fielder in baseball was.  Torii Hunter was true greatness.

But man, any time I think of him now, I get haunted by that play.  Only Torii Hunter could’ve snagged that ball in a moment like that, and god damn he was so close to pulling it off.  It would’ve changed EVERYTHING.  Detroit would’ve gone to the World Series again and they would’ve pounded the shit out of the Cardinals.  The Tigers would’ve finally gotten the ring they deserved (their teams were fucking stacked).  And Boston sports fans would be slightly less insufferable.

Man, if only…

Come on dude… Press the X button on yourself and go down!

It was a great catch and run to get the first down to close out what should have been an orgasm inducing series of play calls.  The Jermaine Gresham screen was brilliant to start with.  Then when you have 2nd and 19 after a holding penalty?  Fuck the predictable run that Baltimore was ready to stuff, throw a short pass underneath the coverage to kill them with some YAC.  Then the swap screen to Red Jesus.  Just beautiful…

If Ellington had gone down instead of out of bounds, it’s pretty much game over.  Fortunately for him, the Cards were at home so they were able to short circuit Baltimore’s headsets for the final drive.

Leave it up to someone who was fired by the Brewers to be dumb enough to bring in Madsen tonight. Joey Bautista comes up as the tying run and what does he decide?  Nah fuck my world class closer. Fuck Herrera. Let’s bring in the guy with 5 earned runs over 5.1 innings.  Just brilliant…

Fortunately for Yost, his baseball acumen turned out to be slightly less shitty than the mental tenacity of the Blue Jays.

The look on David Wright’s face is priceless.  Daniel Murphy is juicing so hard and everybody knows it.  Good for him.  Gotta respect winners

By the way how sick were those Greg Hardy sacks last weekend? Eli is so fucked on Sunday… A future hall of famer on one side and Randy Gregory coming at on you on the other. Ohh god this defense is gonna be dope.

For the first time ever in my whole life, I feel jealousy towards a Cubs fan.  It has nothing to do with their overrated team that can’t hit power pitching for shit. No, I’m jealous of this lucky dude that got a perfect view of Sam Ryan’s ass tonight…

I admit hooking up with Sam Ryan would be pretty fucking dope, but she actually does not crack #1 on my fantasy list.  That honor goes to MLB Network’s Heidi Watney…

Sweet jesus.  She’s had me so fucking smitten all season.

Not only is Heidi just straight up more attractive, but I also prefer my ambitious girls to be blonde instead of brunette.  Don’t get me wrong, brunettes are awesome and most of them are more dateable than the average blonde, but shit changes when we filter down to just the fierce, career-driven women.

Most working blondes tend to be really fun to hang out with outside of their jobs.  Brunettes, on the other hand, tend to be a lot more serious in the office and carry all their work shit over to personal lives.  They’re still cool, but not as fun as the ambitious blondes…

My personal hypothesis is that brunettes become ultra competitive after ending up in 2nd place on all of their adolescent crushes’ hotness rankings.  And that competitive fire has a big impact on their yuppie lifestyles.  And hey that’s still really hot for some people, but not my own personal first preference.

PS – how did that hag in the front row in the video get such a nice seat?  While we’re at it we might as well give away some outfield tickets to the ugliest fans of the year.

Anybody who thought Johnny Cueto was gonna win tonight should’ve listened to me back in August when I told y’all that he was a fucking fraud.

2 innings, 10 baserunners, and 8 hits later I guess you finally get your confirmation. And then he spends the rest of the game giggling and smiling in the dugout. Not the type of guy you want as an ace but he’ll make a great #3 for whoever signs him this winter.

The over/under for the number of times “deflate” would be mentioned last night was 2.5.  Thank you sweet Jesus for the legendary Al Michaels!

The backdoor cover was pretty dope as well.

9-6 last week and 34-24 on the season.  Let’s keep getting loadeddd!!

Louisville +7.5 at #11 Florida State

FSU didn’t cover this spread with a night game at home last week against Al Golden’s dogshit Miami squad.  They’re not going to cover against a way better Louisville team.  True freshman QB Lamar Jackson keeps getting better every week for Louisville, while Everett Golson keeps showing FSU that he’s nothing more than a castoff retread.  Also, Louisville’s defense looks like the truth this year.  Bobby Petrino may be a scumbag, but he builds winners and will be a great bet this morning.  If you like to do double units on your highest confidence games, this is definitely one to pick.

Northwestern +1.5 vs #12 Iowa

Iowa sucks.  If they are a favorite, fade the fuck out of them.

#22 Toledo -28 vs Eastern Michigan

#12 Michigan State +7.5 at #7 Michigan

Ah yes…  One of those classic rivalry games between the dumb poor person school and the smart rich person school.  Brady Hoke gave some hope to the dumb poor people that they could find a small bit of validation in their lives through football.  Jim Harbaugh is going to end those dreams very soon, but I’m not so sure its soon enough to be today.  Michigan State has played like shit lately, but they’re still undefeated.  They still have a preseason Heisman contender QB, while Michigan has an Iowa reject.  Harbaugh is a god and there is a chance he finds a way to win this game, but 7.5 points is an excessive amount to lay.

Kansas State +4 vs #19 Oklahoma

Did Baker Mayfield prove himself to be the most overrated college QB in history last week?  I think he did.  Remember when he almost got benched at Tennessee and then within 8 days people were suggesting he was a Heisman candidate?  That was odd.  Take the legend Bill Snyder getting points at home.

#9 Texas A&M +4.5 vs #10 Alabama

It may seem obvious to take Alabama given their 59-0 thrashing in this game last year, but Texas A&M is a billion times more talented this year.  I was also really disappointed by how Alabama played against Arkansas last week.  Take the points with the home team off a bye week, and then pray to god for all souls in east Texas that Alabama still gets the straight up win.

Nebraska +2 at Minnesota

Virginia Tech +3.5 at Miami

The U needs to fire Al Golden already.

#14 Notre Dame -6.5 vs USC

I don’t think people understand just how good Notre Dame is yet.  If hurricane storms didn’t start pouring down on their offense after a slow start at Clemson, they would’ve blown the Tigers out.  They almost still won anyway.  Honestly they are my favorite sleeper pick for the national champion.

#1 Ohio State -18 vs Penn State

OSU has had some problems getting the juices flowing this year, but a home game at night will help alleviate that in this game.  Also, Penn State is horrendous.  They almost lost to Army.

#6 LSU -6.5 vs #8 Florida

I don’t think the QB situation at Florida is as bad as people make it out to be, but 6.5 is still too few points against this dynamite LSU team at a Death Valley night game.

Arizona State +6.5 at #4 Utah

I said last week that Utah was overrated.  It turned out that Jared Goff is a huge fraud, but he still covered against Utah.

Washington -3 vs Oregon

All hail Chris Peterson!  Time for a changing of the guard.