Mavs at Knicks for ‘KP Sucks’ Night

The most important game of the Knicks season is tonight as the Mavs make their annual trip to MSG.  This means nonstop ‘KP sucks’ chants and a brutal reminder of how much more successful the New York Knicks are than the Dallas Mavericks.

Brutal times for MFFLs.

After all, the Knicks had a parade last season.  A culmination of all the cleared cap space that they turned into KD Kawhi Kyrie Jimmy Butler Julius Randle.  

What a beautiful and healthy foundation to build off.  Surely they’re going places now…



No matter.  Draft picks were a part of that trade too and the first of two BIG TIME first round picks came this past summer.  That pick turned out to be (checks notes) Keon Johnson.



It’s been many parts fascinating, pathetic, and exhausting hearing how obsessed Knicks fans are with this dude.  It’s been like banging a new chick – not dating, because we’re dating Luka, just banging – and then having her ex hit you up nonstop to warn you about red flags.  It’s just plain weird.

My stance on KP is this: he’s fine.  He’s dynamic but inconsistent.  He’s playing better under Kidd.  Him and Timmy both helped cement us as an immediate surefire playoff team to start Luka’s career, so there’s no point in hating on the trade.

And there were no better alternatives that year except maybe signing Vucevic.  It is what it is.

There’s no way to fully grade the outcome until we see more playoff games.  So fuck the discourse until then.


In the meantime, Mavs are looking pretty pretttyy good!

We played two first place teams last week (Dubs and Bulls) and beat their asses.  The defense is getting way better, and we’re distancing from the play-in slots.

We’re looking at a 4/5 seed matchup against Memphis or Utah first round.  Easy peasy!  No Kawhis this time around to cock block Luka from that playoff cherry.  Feels good to make round 2.

The current odds are +1600 win the west and +4000 to take the title.  Great lottery odds.  Now’s the time to buy.

And we’re -135 for tonight. HAMMER that shit.


The only complaint I have for this season is this abomination of a statue model unveiled for Dirk.

What the hell man?  Please, Mark, fix that shit.

Otherwise, vibes are good.

Mavs at Knicks for ‘KP Sucks’ Night

Mavs Bending the Knee to King Kawhi, for Now

Luka is the goat-in-training, but Kawhi is still the best in the league. He’s been beating fully developed super teams for the better part of a decade now, and the Mavs are still a year or two away from that level. When he’s fully activated, it’s no contest.

32 points over 30 minutes, including a full 12 minutes in a 3rd quarter that started with a 24 point Clippers lead. Doc Rivers and his talisman meant business, and that means the end is nigh for the Mavs.

My temporary hatred for the Clippers is also coming to an end. This was like a primary election – a fierce but decisive battle to decide who will lead the way going forward to defeat greater evils like Lebron and houston.

That’s why I don’t care about this Marcus Morris brouhaha.

Luka didn’t get hurt. No harm; no foul. The NBA didn’t issue a suspension and seemingly didn’t investigate the Mavs two official complaints on both plays. That’s a good precedent for the Clippers going forward.

The first one was more psychological than dangerous. The second one could’ve actually caused serious harm, as we saw in 2017 when Pachulia did the same thing to Kawhi in game 1 of the WCF.

As we’ve seen in the past, only injuries can stop Kawhi from beating super teams. By getting all the dirty players on his teams instead of others, he neutralizes that threat. I like the strategy.


For the Mavs, this is the end of the line but we know the future is bright etc etc.

The biggest concern is KP being shut down for a torn meniscus in his right knee. This is the opposite side knee of the one that shut him down in NYC.

It’s especially frustrating because he was on fire and looking the best we’ve ever seen him. 34 points and 13 rebounds in game three. 52% from behind the arc this series, with several of those drained from deep range.

He didn’t have any major pain, just a little soreness. The MRI showed a meniscus tear and we shut him down for good because we’re not beating the Clippers anyway.


It’ll be something to watch going forward. He can play through these types of injuries in meaningful playoff games, but this year doesn’t qualify as that. We’ll have to load manage him out of 30-50% of regular season games and that’s fine too.

In the meantime, we’ll need to find a solid 2B to go alongside KP behind Luka. Cap space is opening up with David Lee’s $12.7M coming off the books. Tim Hardaway’s $20M deal enters ‘expiring contract’ status next season as well. We’ll see what we can do but I’m feeling fine about it.

Mavs Bending the Knee to King Kawhi, for Now

Luka Isn’t Any Normal God – He’s the Goat-In-Training

Last time a shot rang this hard around the world, we were killing redcoats…

“THAT’S MY SHOT!” says the goat-in-training.

MFFLs have seen the second coming for awhile, but mark down the Sunday afternoon of August 23, 2020 as the day the rest of America finally realized who their next one true God will be.

Make no mistake about it… Ten years from now, the question will not be if Luka was the best player of the 2020s; it will be whether or not he’s the best player of all time.


Luka transcends everything we used to know about basketball. He’s a mixture of LeBron and Steph with the brain of Jason Kidd. If you think that is hyperbole now, then enjoy being the last person on the goat wagon whenever your time comes.

He may not be quite as powerful as Lebron, but he can still drive on anyone in the league. Once he gets into the paint, he’s got quicker feet and even better passing skills than the so-called king.

He may not be as quick as Steph, but he’s got the range anyway. His size and strength make him open with just a single sliver of separation.

If you replaced Lebron on the Heat with Luka as he is right now, that team wins four titles. If you did the same with Steph on last year’s Warriors, that final shot in game 6 would have been a winner. Luka would’ve beaten Kawhi just like he’s doing right now.

If it seems like he is a cyborg created and developed to be a perfect specimen of basketball prowess, it’s because that’s basically what he is. Unlike his American peers who had to waste time in school, he grew up in a basketball academy. When he turned 16, he didn’t have time to enjoy any newfound driving privileges because he was suiting up for Real Madrid (and guarding Russell Westbrook).

Look – I’m a big proponent of high school and college sports in America. People sleep on the sheer amount of opportunities and benefits it provides for young men and women everywhere. Our athletes are still the best in the world, but their development does not compare to what Luka got.

So after years of replacing pointless schoolwork with professional basketball, he came into the league with the mental acuity of a fully seasoned vet. The cyborg had already maxed out on human potential between the ears.

And that gets us to the most controversial part of this piece. This is a comparison I take very seriously and I’m not afraid to proclaim it for Luka Dončić. Yes, he has some Jordan in him. His adrenal gland is on par with a level we haven’t seen since the current goat was in his prime.

That circus shot on Sunday was nothing new to anybody who’s been watching him before. Europeans knew about his clutch gene for years. MFFLs like myself got accustomed to it all last year.

The NBA put out a sweet video yesterday of Luka’s ‘career clutch moments’, which is mostly a compilation of highlights from his 20yo rookie season.  It includes but is not limited to…

  • A rainbow to the moon and back for a Derek Fisher style game winner at Portland with .6 seconds on the inbound
  • A step back game winner vs Houston to complete 11 unanswered points in the final 2 minutes
  • A comeback win over the Lakers in a game that he began by blocking Lebron twice in two seconds



Believe it or not, there’s actually been some growing pains in this 2nd year. His numbers improved dramatically, but we haven’t seen nearly the same clutchness as he showed his rookie year. I wrote during the seeding games about MFFL concerns over our offense going from the best ever in normal times to below average in clutch time. It turns out he was just waiting for a bigger moment.

In the first two months of this season (back when he was still 20), he averaged 30-9-9 and was breaking records left and right before succumbing to newcomer wear and tear. He’s only going to get better. Age 21 is not an athlete’s prime.

The potential was goat-worthy even if he was too humble to admit it…

He will average a 30pt triple double within the next three seasons. Mark my words. He will also win the MVP next year without a doubt. Bet on it this winter, or keep doubting us and be poor. You’ve been warned.


P.S. Don’t worry Dirk, you are still our Prometheus

As if he cares

Luka Isn’t Any Normal God – He’s the Goat-In-Training

Clippers Finally Get First Legitimate Win Over Mavs

It took a Luka injury to seal it, but the series has regressed back to the point where everyone thought it would look like going in. There’s no shame in losing to the best team in the league in what is the first ever playoff appearance for most of your players. Maybe we can make some noise and steal another game or two, but overall it’s been a great season and the future only gets better from here.

It’s still annoying because we should be up 2-1 without that bullshit KP ejection in the opener, but it’s the NBA and Mavs fans are used to shit like this happening to us. Whatever. Congratulations to the Clippers for finally getting their first legitimate win over us.


As for the game itself, nothing interesting happened besides the Luka injury. He rolled his ankle in the 3rd quarter and couldn’t put any weight on it until they brought a wheelchair up to the locker room. That must have pissed him off because he immediately jogged back out and played again.

I’m not sure the prudence of putting him back in with a bum ankle and the game already out of hand, but the Mavs do have the best training staff in the league and they’re worth trusting. It looked bad, but we’ve already seen his other ankle roll way worse back in December.

That Miami injury only kept him out of four games. Those were meaningless December games too, so I expect him back tomorrow. It’s just going to be a pain in the ass for him.


Now I want to take some time to touch on the Seth Curry/Callie Rivers/Doc Rivers/Paul George imbroglio. As I’m sure you’ve heard a million times on the broadcast so far, Seth Curry is married to Doc Rivers’s daughter.

What I completely forgot until this game was that Callie Rivers used to date Paul George until he knocked up a Miami stripper who refused his $1M bribe to get an abortion. Kind of a simp move on Doc Rivers’s part to coach the player who cheated on your daughter with a stripper, especially when that player sucks…

In Game 1, Jeff Van Gundy said he thought Callie Rivers was cheering for the Clippers so her dad could be happy and her husband could come home. What the fuck? What a moron!

I already thought Doc Rivers was the luckiest and most overrated coach of all time before this. Now I worry that LA has a serious coaching problem. Kawhi is probably good enough to make it not matter, but we’ll see.

Clippers Finally Get First Legitimate Win Over Mavs

The Clippers Rang up Themselves a Nightmare

So it turns out the ‘You Rang’ nickname that Shaq gave to Boban comes from the Adamms Family.

Hmm. It took me forever to find out what that meant, but it is very interesting now that I know! Certainly more interesting than anything that happened on the court if you care at all for close basketball games. It was a Mavs manhandling from wire to wire.

You could say this game was somewhat of an anomaly because Luka only played nine minutes in the second half. He had foul trouble and we were winning without him, so he sat. He finished with 28 points, which unfortunately means he won’t have a never ending 30pt game streak for his entire postseason career. That kind of sucks.

Petty complaints aside, it’s time to start looking at the Mavs as serious contenders again. The only thing keeping this series from being 2-0 Mavs is that bogus ass KP ejection. Other than that, we’re thoroughly dominating the pre-tourney favorites, and the opponents will only get easier from here.

The Clippers were 10-1 this year when fully healthy and that’s why they were favorites. But that also means they’ve never been fully healthy and they haven’t been able to work as a group all year. They’re struggling with injuries still and those strip clubs vacations were not time well spent in hindsight. It looks like arrogance is finally catching up to them.

This is more what I expected the bubble tourney to be. Mavs getting a leg up not only because of neutral courts every game, but because the conditions favor younger and more cohesive teams. Luka god mode just needed real playoff games to be fully activated too.

  • Mavs win series +310
  • Mavs win West +2000
  • Mavs win Finals +4000

Maybe the best odds I’ve ever seen. Time to get rich.

The Clippers Rang up Themselves a Nightmare

Deja Vu in Mavs Playoff Debut

Deja vu – the story of an MFFL

Awesome way to kick off a playoff career. The more things change, the more the stay the god damned same. Why is this always happening to the poor little Mavericks?

We are the Saints of the NFL. One glorious banner from one of the greatest sports stories ever and we’ll always be thankful for that, but so many others were taken away by refs.


We had 2014 vs the Spurs. That series was ruined by a Dejuan Blair ejection/suspension for accidentally grazing his leg against someone in the slightest of all kicking motions. We lost in seven to a Spurs team that Lebron fanboys will tell you was the greatest team of all time.

We had the Cristal Taylor series vs the 09 Thuggets. That was when the refs decided to go blind and ignore a blatant intentional foul to let Melo win a pivotal game 3. We lost in six to what Knicks fans will say was the greatest player of that time.

We had Danny Crawford bragging in Tim Donaghy’s book about the Mavs going 2-16 in his games playoff games. That record, based on point spread simulations, had a 0.5% chance of playing out.

And then obviously the 2006 finals

I thought this shit was supposed to stop when David Stern died. I guess it didn’t. If this is what playoff basketball is all about, then it’s no surprise that NBA ratings keep floating down the toilet. Fix this shit.

In other news, Luka went 42-7-9. He broke the record for points in a playoff debut. He’s just 21. Pretty fucking sick. Hopefully the rest of the series will be 5 on 5 instead of 5 on 8.

Deja Vu in Mavs Playoff Debut

Mavs vs Clippers – Every Legend Starts With a Humbling

Every legend starts with a humbling, especially in NBA, and it appears the legend of Luka’s Mavs has started with a major humbling in the bubble. It shouldn’t have been a surprise that one of the youngest teams there was also the cockiest, just like it shouldn’t be a surprise that every other team has been so sharp and focused. I was expecting the opposite and it appears Luka and boys were as well.

Our fate as the 7 seed was sealed for good right out the gate after royally fucking up both of our first two games. Since then, we’ve apparently looked a lot better. Luka had what some would say the best game of his career against the Bucks.

We might have started sucking less in the clutch too. I don’t know. I didn’t watch because the games were worthless and there’s too many other sports on the buffet line right now. What I do know is that we’re about to be fed to the slaughterhouse. Literally any other team in the league I’d be comfortable against but this one.

It’s too bad, because after watching the Nuggets game today it’s obvious we would’ve destroyed them. Getting that first series win under the belt is so huge and we should’ve been able to do it this year. Instead, Luka’s wait lasts all the way to Year 3.


Who knows though, maybe Kawhi gets hurt? That’d be interesting. Otherwise, I just hope we can have some cool moments and maybe cover the 2.5 game spread.

Then we move on to next year and start making some real noise with KP’s first full season. We got expiring contracts coming up and won’t have to pretend Tim Hardaway is good anymore. Maybe the Greek Freak will decide he wants a euro super team. That’d be sick.

The future looks bright, but the next two weeks do not. Enjoy what we can and regroup next year.

Mavs vs Clippers – Every Legend Starts With a Humbling

The Mavs Keep Fucking Up

I’ve said all along the only playoff matchup I’m scared of is the Clippers, and unfortunately that means a one-and-done for the Mavs this year because we are locked in as the 7 seed to play them. Climbing the standings was an uphill battle to start with because we had already played three extra games and our win percentage was inelastic relative to everyone else’s. We had a reasonable shot to overcome that but were undone by the same problems that kept knocking us down pre-covid.


Friday night vs houston was about as must win as these games can get and we looked to be cruising for most of it. 85 points in the first half! We had a surefire 7 point lead with 45 seconds left, but ended up choking in a manner all too familiar with our woes from normalcy era.

Trash defense and trash rebounding (ultimately lost because we couldn’t rebound a missed free throw with 3 seconds left) are the obvious culprits for our clutch time issues, but the offense is surprisingly a major issue too. We have the #1 ranked offense in the league, possibly in league history stats-wise, but in clutch time that rating plummets to #29 (out of 30). How is that even possible?

The first is an over reliance on threes – over 50% of our shots come from behind the arc in clutch time. We hit 21.4% of those, down from 36.8% normally. We don’t have another ball handler to take pressure off of Luka, and he’s way overconfident in his step back when trying to overcome that extra attention. When we do get open looks, we’re not as confident in hitting them. Most concerning though is the free throw issues…

Brutal. Luka definitely needs to improve before he graduates from just goat-in-training status. Seth Curry is also perplexing because he’s the second best three point shooter of all time. He missed one that would’ve iced the game on Friday and now probably won’t be able to make up for it until next year.


Last night against the trash ass Suns, we looked to be cruising to a laugher again until deciding to take the third quarter off. The same thing happened vs Phoenix earlier this year and it was another all too common problem from the normalcy era.

Because these issues are mostly mental, and considering we didn’t have these problems two years ago with a lesser roster, I thought the happiest team on earth could’ve used all these bubble factors to make some noise and kickstart the dynasty talk up a year. Alas, we will have to wait.

The Mavs Keep Fucking Up

Tis the Season for Luka Magic and the Mavs

There’s been a lot of magic at Disney World over the years, but nothing like the Luka Magic we’re all about to witness. I was confident pre-covid and I’m even more so now – the only team that can keep us out of the finals is the Clippers. Here’s all the reasons why:

Luka – anyone who’s seen Luka play so far knows he’s the goat-in-training. LeBron may be the perfect genetic masterpiece for basketball, but Luka is pretty close himself and he’s been groomed in an academy all his life to have the perfect basketball brain.

He’s also a gamer that will assuredly step it up a level in the playoffs just like he already has for every nationally televised game he’s played. We all know that Dak’s clutch gene was developed in playing huge ass SEC games as an 18yo starter. Well Luka started dominating huge ass Euro basketball championship games as an even younger teenager. He’s made for these moments and it’s obvious.

One worry I did have on Luka pre-covid is just how beaten up he was getting. He loves going hard to the rim and the refs were giving him the Cam Newton treatment every time. On top of that was tons of extracurricular treatment. There was the Draymond Green game as well as a bunch of bullshit like this on a regular basis.

He was noticeably breaking down from transcendent to just plain superstar level, which at the time was fine for me because he just turned 21. Now he’s fresh and the rest of the league (except maybe the Clippers) are fucked.

KP – Knicks fans will fight you on this til the day they die but they’re idiots. KP is awesome. He’s one of the best rim protectors in the game and that’s something we’ve never been competent at without Tyson Chandler. He was looking fully healthy right before covid stoppage, averaging a cool 22-10 and 2 blocks a game over the last two months.

He racked up all these points without utilizing the post game, which was his bread and butter in New York. Post play wasn’t in our offense in the regular season because it’s inefficient and more taxing on a players knees. The playoffs are a different game though, and I think we’ll see that activated more.

KP was able to spend his lockdown in Latvia, which was a sane country compared to the US so he had full access to facilities for basketball workouts (same with Luka). He came back ripped, rested, and fully healthy. The Unicorn may end up being the best Robin in NBA history.

Seth – Steph Curry is a better player than his brother I’ll admit, but Seth is low key the better three point shooter. He’s second all time at 44.3%. In the last two months of play, he was shooting 57.9% from the field and the same average from three. With Luka dishing him so many wide open looks, he is insanely deadly.

Depth – Tim Hardaway, Maxi Kleber, Delon Wright, Dorian Finney-Smith, JJ Barea, and shit maybe even Michael Kidd-Gilchrist. Not stars by any means, but a ton of role players capable of getting hot. We’re a deep team.

Coaching – Carlisle is the best coach in the league.

Road Record – the Mavs were 21-12 on the road pre-covid, significantly better than they were at home. In a tournament where every single game is a road game for both teams, that’s advantage Mavs for sure. Also, because half our team is international players, they’re used to playing in tournament environments like this. If any team has a ‘home court advantage’ this year, it’s definitely us.

Celibacy – as noted previously, the unique conditions of bubble isolation is a clear advantage for the Mavs.

Chemistry – in a tournament where many veterans will be looking forward to getting the fuck back home, the Mavs are having a blast as a team. They are fresh, hungry, and set up better than anyone to thrive in these unique conditions. The cultural foundation that Dirk built is still alive and well.

One of those teams that doesn’t want to be there is definitely houston, and that’s why I’m laying max bet on Mavs tonight.

I’ll end this with the #1 quote from the bubble so far, said by JJ Barea. “I’m not a gamer, I only really play video games with my son. However, I do play video games with Luka when he asks me, because he is my other son.” JJ Barea has made babies with two Miss Universes. Here’s a collage of them:

What a leader

Tis the Season for Luka Magic and the Mavs

How Will Bubble Celibacy Alter the NBA Playoffs?

If you’re part of the 60% that believes in science these days, then you should feel good about the prospects for the NBA bubble.  According to experts, the only risk is that the measures are too stringent and exhaustive – it’s gotta be a beating to relocate from a mansion to a hotel room for three months.  There’s also the very valid concern that players will become overly horny…

The physical effects of celibacy for athletes is up to debate.  Italy’s manager in the 1990 World Cup was the first famous instance of mandatory abstinence, and they got third place.  Tyson Fury abstained for 12 weeks leading up to his first Wilder fight, which ended in a draw.  For the rematch, he jacked off seven times a day and ended up dominating the fight, but that also might be due to his daily cunnilingus routine to strengthen his neck.  Inter Milan manager Antonio Conte advises a compromise stance of having a lot of low-effort sex, but they’ve ended up as trash this year.

While the physical effects are inconclusive, the mental effects will undoubtedly take a toll on many players.  These guys have had pussy on demand since middle school.  Now, they’ll have to go at least one month before family and partners can join the bubble.  Even after that, mental health probably won’t improve as anyone who has spent quarantine with a female chaperone can attest.

So which team will benefit the most from this new mental health playing field?  The obvious answer is the Dallas Mavericks.  KP got extorted by a crazy bitch last year, so he’s probably less interested in random strange than he used to be.  Luka comes from a place where the average woman is a dime in America, and the American dimes just remind him of his mom.  So he’ll probably be used to the feeling anyway.

I think it’s safe to say that our Euro squad has never felt a boner for an American stripper.  Their horniness level will be on par with the Redeem Team walking the streets of Beijing – that is, none.  Huge advantage for the Mavs.

Even before this crisis hit, I was confident in our chances against any team except the Clippers.  Now, that confidence is through the roof.  Luka was getting the shit beaten out of him all season long with the refs apparently putting him through a hazing period, and now he is fresh.  In fact, because Luka and KP were able to gtfo of America for all this, they’ve had access to better workouts and are currently the most fit players in the league (source: Cubes radio interview).

Our defense Moses, Avery Johnson, makes a lot of astute basketball points as well…

A healthy KP brick walls the rim.  A healthy Luka means a historically great offense.  Carlisle the GOAT-in-training.  Seth Curry hitting 45% from three, plus a bunch of other shooters. Etc. Etc. We are fucking awesome.

Mavs +4000 but the line won’t be there for long.  Hammer it now and get rich.

PS – Obligatory…

How Will Bubble Celibacy Alter the NBA Playoffs?