Keep the Money Pouring in with These Primetime CFB Games (3-1 so Far)

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Our picks from Friday night and this morning are 3-1 so far, leaving you with much more disposable income than you ever would have had without following me.  It’s only logical that you put some high stakes wagers on the marquee matchups tonight.  Here we go…

Oklahoma -1.5 at Tennessee

Oklahoma pounded the living shit out of Tennessee in Norman last year.  For some reason, people think that Tennessee’s supposed ‘great improvement’ and the fact that this game is in Knoxville is enough to give Tennessee a chance this year.  I am not one of those people.  I’ve been hearing the same thing about how Tennessee is a team on the rapid rise for the past ten years, and the only time I’ve believed it was Lane Kiffin’s first year.  Now, almost ten years later, I can assure you that fading this team has been a good strategy for a long time and will continue to be so.  Also, Tennessee gave up 557 yards at home to Bowling Green last week.  God knows what kind of number the Sooners are going to hang on Rocky Top…

Memphis -12 at Kansas

I don’t  know what on Earth that lardass Charlie Weis was doing up in Kansas the past few years, but good god did he make one hell of a team to fade.  This might be the worst team in division 1 football right now.  Last week, they lost to South Dakota State.  At home.  For most of the game, it wasn’t even close…  Meanwhile, Memphis took care of business against Missouri State with a 63-7 victory.  Granted, it was Missouri State, but a 56 point victory against them is a 1,000 times better performance than any type of loss to FCS South. Dakota. State…  Hammer the Tigers tonight and light up some cigars as you watch them steamroll Kansas.

Rice +14.5 at Texas

Did anybody see Texas-Notre Dame last week?  Or any Texas games last under Charlie Strong?  Here’s a quick summary – Texas suuuuuccckkksss!!!  Honestly, with an over/under of 2 more weeks until Charlie Strong is fired, I would probably take the under.  He’s a great defensive coach, but his offensive incompetency is being exposed right now and there’s no Teddy Bridgewater available to bail him out.  Quite the opposite, actually, as Tyrone Swoopes’s horrendous play is only exacerbating the schematic deficiencies at hand.  Rice is a veteran team that has been looking forward to this game all offseason, and I seriously give them a 50/50 shot to win outright.  Definitely hammer them on the spread (at least double units), and then if you can find a moneyline available anywhere you should definitely put at least a quarter unit down on that.

Michigan State -5.5 vs Oregon

This line started at 3.5 and I would lying if I said I wasn’t annoyed by the movement so far, but I’m still pretty confident in Michigan State blowing out Oregon tonight.  Michigan State had Oregon on the ropes in Eugene last year, only to see the college god himself Marcus Mariota put his immortality on display in the last twenty minutes.  Oregon’s new QB, Vernon Adams Jr., won’t be able to do that.  Not only is he not nearly as good as Mariota, he hasn’t even been with the team for a full month since his transfer…  Oh, and he’s also hurt.  Unfortunately for the Ducks, the offense is the least of their concerns because their defense is flat out atrocious.  Honestly, does Helfrich even give two shits about that side of the field?  The national championship game was embarrassing enough, but giving up 549 yards to Eastern Washington last week is absolutely unacceptable for a top ten team.  It’s a safe bet for Michigan State to blow Oregon right out of their top ranked status.  As insufferable as those Spartans fans will be after tonight, place a large wager and take some solace in the fact that you will become a little bit more rich.

LSU -4 at Mississippi State

The Bulldogs won this matchup last year during their 8 week cock tease of convincing us they were elite.  In reality, they caught the SEC in a down year last year.  Part of the reason or that was because LSU was stuck with a ton of freshman and sophomores as first year starters on the field.  You could see a huge improvement from them as the year went on, and they will be a lot more talented and mature tonight than they were last year.  Mississippi State, on the other hand, graduated all of their good players except for their overrated quarterback.  When LSU hands them their own asses tonight, we’ll be able to safely nestle the Bulldogs right back to their status quo as an afterthought team.  Oh, and we’ll get richer in the process by betting on LSU.

Keep the Money Pouring in with These Primetime CFB Games (3-1 so Far)

Hate Your Job? Get Rich Today and Free Yourself Come Monday (9.12 CFB Daytime Picks)

If you’ve been following my college picks so far, you know that I never lose.  So instead of being poor and working every day, you should instead pour (ha) your savings into my picks this weekend and free yourself!

Morning games…

UTSA +16.5 at Kansas State

UTSA is my favorite team to bet on.  Don’t know who they are?  Here’s a few facts…  (1) they’re in their fifth year as a program (2) they’re in San Antonio and recruit sneaky kind of good talent (3) Larry Coker coaches them.  Yes, the same Larry Coker that won a national championship and a Bear Bryant award at the U.

Last year, they almost beat Arizona in the opener and then beat Houston on the road in week 2 before injuries derailed their season.  This year, they started at Arizona and kept the game close all the way to the end.  Today, they go to Kansas State and face a reeling Wildcats team that is down their starting QB and RB.  And they’re getting over two touchdowns?  Bet on them!

Michigan -13 vs Oregon St.

Yes, I talked a lot of shit about Michigan last week (and won my fade on them), and yes their quarterback fucking blows, but this is still a great day to bet on Michigan.  Oregon State was only up 6-0 at halftime against Weber State last week.  And that was at home.  Today, they’re traveling all the way to the big house to face one of the most electric crowds we’ll see all year for Harbaugh’s home opener.  When you also consider the fact that Jabrill Peppers and Michigan’s defense looked outstanding last week, and that Oregon State’s true freshman QB is making his first ever start on the road in this atmosphere, this has the making for a Michigan blowout that we will get rich off of.

Wisconsin -31 vs. Miami Ohio

There are many things Wisconsin does poorly, such as passing, recruiting good black players that are not running backs, and having fans that are not obese.  I will admit though, they can do some things very well, and that is running and beating the shit out of garbage teams at home.  Today they’re playing a garbage team that gave up over 6 yards per carry last year.  This has the making of a 40+ point blowout.

Afternoon games…

Minnesota -4.5 at Colorado State

In the preseason, this game was at -8 for Minnesota.  Why it’s gone down over three points, I have no idea.  Minnesota actually looked pretty good against TCU last week and will probably be in the Big Ten championship game.  Colorado State is not good.  I expect a big Minnesota victory.

Virginia +13 vs Notre Dame

This line started at 6.5 last week and nearly doubled because of Notre Dame’s blowout of Texas last week.  But we need to remember, Texas fucking sucks (more on this in the next post).  Virginia is a good home team and they upset both Louisville and Miami at home last year.  Notre Dame also has a huge matchup against Georgia Tech that they’ll bee looking ahead to.  Take the double digit home dawg.

Georgia Tech -30.5 vs Tulane

Georgia Tech might be the most underrated team in the country right now.  They have an unbelievable running game, an outstanding coach, and are definitely winning the ACC.  Tulane is horrendous.  They gave up over 200 yards and lost by 30 at home to Duke last week.  Expect the results to be even worse at Georgia Tech today.

Arkansas -21 vs Toledo

I love this game.  Arkansas is going to absolutely annihilate Toledo today.  Bielema loves to run up the score against bad teams (Toledo is in the MAC, and Arkansas beat MAC champion Northern Illinois by 38 last year), and Toledo is not looking good this year.  They don’t have one single returning starter on their offensive line, and only had a 16-7 at home against lowly Stony Brook last week.  Bet on the Hogs to roll.

Hate Your Job? Get Rich Today and Free Yourself Come Monday (9.12 CFB Daytime Picks)

Don’t Want to Wait All Morning to Win Football Games? Start Your Gambling Victories Early with These EPL Bets

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So last night was pretty chill.  For those of you who missed out, we won money because I picked correctly like I always do.  Might as well continue this never ending hot streak with some soccer betting, so here goes…

Everton +.5 (-125) vs Chelsea

With the exception of an opening week draw to Watford, Everton has looked really good this year.  Chelsea, on the other hand, might be off to the worst start of any defending champion, and they certainly haven’t looked good enough to be laying goals on the road to top half teams.  Everton striker Romelu Lukaku will also be chomping at the bit to score some goals and avenge Mourinho for kicking him to the curb a couple years ago (and now ironically Chelsea is desperate for another striker).  With Everton at home in this game, I fully expect them to pull off at least a draw.

Stoke City +1.5 (+105) at Arsenal

Chelsea is not the only overhyped team that has been blowing ass throughout the first month of the year.  Arsenal has also been sucking, and fortunately for us, they’re laying 1.5 goals against a veteran Stoke squad.  This Arsenal team lost 2-0 at home to West Ham and only beat Crystal Palace and Newcastle by one, bet on them to not be able to blow out Stoke.

Swansea City PK (-115) at Watford

Swansea City +165 (3W ML) at Watford

Swansea is my favorite bet in the EPL right now.  They were contending for the Champions League last year until the January transfer window came up and they had to sell off their best players to keep from being too poor.  It looks like they are going along the same path this year.  Since it’s not January yet, they are good and we should gamble on them.  Swansea was also at PK and then a +245 three way moneyline at ManU in their last game.  I won a lot of money on that, but unfortunately wasn’t blogging soccer picks at the time (sorry fans).  Not making that mistake today though…  ManU is one of the richest clubs in the world, and Watford was in the 2nd division last year.  I don’t think Swansea will have any trouble with these bums.

To manage your money with this bet, I suggest making two separate bets (one on the spread and one on the three way moneyline) that are both a little more than half of your normal unit for soccer bets.  For example, I bet $300 on every soccer game.  For this game, I bet $200 on the spread and another $200 on the moneyline.  I then call a coke dealer (for a friend) about 10 minutes after victory.

Cheers!

Don’t Want to Wait All Morning to Win Football Games? Start Your Gambling Victories Early with These EPL Bets

Addicted to Gambling? Here’s a College Pick for Tonight to Satisfy Your Urges

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I don’t consider myself a gambling addict, but I sure as hell am addicted to winning.  That’s why I placed a bet on Utah State +12 at Utah in the “Battle of the Brothers”.  I did say last week that Utah was awesome at home, and we did end up winning big on them, but it still wasn’t the dominant performance I would expect from a team that is laying double digit points against an in-state rival.  If Utah didn’t pick six that god awful Iowa kid under center for Michigan, this line tonight is absolutely in the single digits.

These two teams did not play last year, but Utah needed a 4th quarter comeback to pull out a 30-26 victory in 2013.  In 2012, Utah State won outright.  I think it’s more probable than not that Utah will win, but I am absolutely backing Utah State to at least keep this close with their senior QB and a very stout defense.

Addicted to Gambling? Here’s a College Pick for Tonight to Satisfy Your Urges

Want to Buy Super Bowl Tickets This Year? Here’s a Teaser to Pay for Them

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So I don’t mean to brag.  Well, actually yes I do…  I have been crushing gambling picks for all of you throughout the summer, and we only picked up more steam with a flaming hot start to college football last week.  Call a homicide detective, because I have been flat out murdering!!

If you haven’t realized by now that you should be trusting your life savings with my picks, then you are not only stupid, but you’re probably a poor person and that really sucks for you.

Now for my loyal followers who want another double up on their bank account balances, follow me with this 3 team, 10 point teaser…

Patriots vs Steelers (+3)

Dolphins at Redskins (+6)

Vikings at 49ers (+7.5)

I love it.  We start tonight with the pissed off world champions getting a field goal at home.  The Pats have line issues, but the Steelers are without their best player in Bell, a very important receiver in Bryant, and have secondary concerns out the ass.  Then, we get Suh and the Dolphins defense traveling to Washington to stomp down on what might be the worst team in the league this year.  If they’re not the worst team, then San Francisco certainly is, and we’re getting a touchdown with one of the most underrated young teams in the league.

Book this shit right now and start laughing your way to the bank.

Want to Buy Super Bowl Tickets This Year? Here’s a Teaser to Pay for Them

Just When You Thought Crybaby Drew Storen Couldn’t Suck More…

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Remember back in the day when so many people thought Drew Storen was getting screwed over?  Remember when people were saying that Drew Storen had turned a corner and it was safe to ignore things as frightening as this?

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I think we can finally put all that to rest now.

Believe it or not, with a four game deficit and their three top pitchers slated to start during this week’s homestand, the Nats had a legit shot at putting themselves right smack dab in the hunt for the NL East crown.  A sweep would pretty much put them in the drivers seat with the Mets facing a tough three game series against the Yankees and another three games against the Nats at Citi Field to close the season out.  Even two out of three would make the Nats the favorites in most people’s eyes.

After Scherzer shat the bed for Washington in the Monday opener, the Nats had a six run lead going into the 7th and finally starting looking like a playoff team.  That is, until our favorite whittle cwy-baby took the mound and did what he does best when pressure is on – fuck his team over…

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With two outs, bases loaded, and a crucial four run lead, Storen gives up a double, three straight walks, and lets four runs go up on the board.  Just a horrible performance from somebody who bitched so much about getting his closer job supplanted by one of the most clutch relievers of all time.

And just when you thought it couldn’t get any worse, here’s what Storen did last night…

Wow.  This just never stops…  I’ve never seen an athlete, especially an athlete that is playing for a contract, let his play drop off so dramatically after throwing such a huge hissy fit.  Watching this trainwreck never gets too old.

Speaking of crybabies, get a load of this shit from Bryce Harper on Monday…

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Are you kidding me?  Nats fans are shelling out for some of the most expensive tickets in baseball only to see their cocky ass team fall short of their Vegas win projections by double digits.  And then we see a player complaining about the fans?  Damn…

I’m not sure what is dumber…  Saying something like that about customers that are paying so generously for your mediocrity, or dumping a broad as hot as Nina Agdal only to see her rebound with Mike Trout…

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By the way, now that the Nats officially suck, can we all agree that the whole chocolate syrup thing from last spring was the dumbest tradition of all time?

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Just When You Thought Crybaby Drew Storen Couldn’t Suck More…

This Labor Day Teaser Lock Is Way Too Easy

I’m not sure it’s possible to have any doubters by now after the summer we had, but those of you smart enough to trust my word must be happy as fuck with all the boatloads of money made from last night’s pick.

I can’t believe all those silly Michigan fans bet that line to under a touchdown. Did they really think a reject Iowa qb could hack it on the road against a pac-12 title contender? Gtf outta here michigan. Harbaugh is a god but even he needs some time to turn Hoke’s trainwreck around.

On to this weekend… A lot of the lines I liked the most have moved by a few points and that is annoying, but there is a still a very good teaser opportunity that gives us a safe, conservative path to more riches. You wanna place a 4 team, 13 point teaser on the following games…

Boise St vs Washington (+1)
Alabama vs Wisconsin (-.5)
Auburn vs Louisville (+2)
Ohio State at Virginia Tech (-1)

This gives us four playoff contenders at basically pick em lines against unranked teams. It really doesn’t get much easier than this. We have Boise State and their 20+ returning starters on a Friday night on their blue turf. We have Nick Saban against a horrible Wisconsin team with the most fragile-minded qb in college history. We have the trendy pick for the SEC title at home against unranked Louisville. And finally we’re only giving up one point with the best coach in college history with what might be his best team ever. Fuck man that’s too easy.

I also really like Bowling Green +22 at Tennessee. They hung tough in the same game last year with their backup quarterback and have a ton of returning starters.

This Labor Day Teaser Lock Is Way Too Easy

Get Stoked for the First Gambling Lock of Football Season

Football starts tonight.  Fuck.  Yes.  Gambling on baseball is fun and all (especially on weekday afternoons), but there’s nothing like racking up your balance by hitting covers on our countries greatest cultural icon – American fucking football.  Start your season off with a bang with this stone cold lock…

Utah -5 vs Michigan

Jesus Christ, I have no idea how this line keeps getting bet down to under a touchdown.  These Michigan fans are getting senile right now.  Jim Harbaugh is a coaching god, yes, but that doesn’t mean the horrendous players he inherited are going to become competent overnight.  Utah is really fucking good too, and their stadium is sneakily one of the toughest in the nation to play at.  They looked like they were going to beat Oregon at home last year until this play happened…

Bet your paycheck.  Set up another mortgage on your house.  Find a gangster and risk your kneecaps.  Get as loaded as fucking possible betting Utah tonight.

Get Stoked for the First Gambling Lock of Football Season

Crybaby Drew Storen Ruins Another Game and Hahaha the Nats Are Fucked

When we last checked in on crybaby Drew Storen, he was responding to his demotion by acting like a whiny little bitch and pitching like shit.  In case you haven’t been following since, things have gone from bad to very much worse in a hurry.  At the time of that post, the Nats were only 2.5 games behind the Mets, which seemed like nothing when considering their easy schedule and the remaining six head to head games against the Mets.

2.5 games is especially small when you consider that the Nats finally had the genius idea to shuffle their rotation and have their three aces start against Mets.  I’m guessing Bryce Harper convinced them it was smart…

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Unfortunately for the Nats, the deficit grew to 4.5 games after they reeled off six straight losses to finish their road trip.  Over the next two weeks, they fell behind by another game despite a creampuff schedule consisting of at Colorado, vs Milwaukee, vs San Diego, and vs Miami.  They’re now at 6.5 back after two straight losses in St. Louis.  Last night’s goat was none other than our favorite crybaby of a setup man…

The Nats level of suck right now is getting utterly ridiculous.  During spring training, they were the Vegas favorites to win the World Series and had the highest win total projection at 93.5.  With less than a month to go, they’re struggling to stay above .500 and are completely hopeless.  I’m gonna take a wild guess and say they finally fire their god awful manager soon.

And as if the abominable play on the diamond doesn’t embarrass the fans enough, it turns out the Nationals can’t even hold a bobblehead day without fucking it up.  Look at this garbage…

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It’s a rendering of Jason Werth jumping onto the plate after walking off Game 4 of the 2012 NLDS (they still lost the series because crybaby Drew Storen blew a save the next night).  I wonder if the Nats will ever be closer to winning a postseason series than they were that night?  I’m guessing no.

Crybaby Drew Storen Ruins Another Game and Hahaha the Nats Are Fucked