Game 3: I FUCKING LOVE MY RUSSKIS

Hoooolllly shit what a win that was. 3-2 for our beautiful beasts. We are two wins away from making the finals, and six games away from partying like it’s 1999. Holy fuck.

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After not scoring for essentially eight straight periods against Vegass, we erupted for three in essentially one period. First blood was a tale of two breakaways.

It starts with Karlsson catching a break for Vegass after we had been dominating in the o-zone. Fortunately, he choked.

Minutes later, Heiskanen and our Big Rig Jamie Oleksiak were pulled out to the blue line because apparently they go to man-to-man when Vegass activates their defensemen. Comeau picked up a blocked shot and passed to Miro. Next was a slick feed to the Big Rig for a breakaway that finished in the opposite form of Karlsson’s…

As a 14th overall pick in 2011, Oleksiak struggled throughout most of his career until two years ago when he was traded midseason to the Penguins. They taught him to stop sucking and un-busted him, and then by the grace of god traded him right back to us last year (for the same 4th rd pick they gave us for him).

The Big Rig has been an absolute beast for us defensively throughout the entire postseason, and now he has one of the biggest goals of the year. What a comeback story, what a player, and what a god damned goal!

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The third period got intense as shit. One minute into it, Seguin had a beautiful chance for an early insurance goal but hit the tail end of Lehner’s stick…

Then we started brain farting on defense and gave up a 5v3, almost killed it, but ultimately gave up an equalizer.

The mood plummeted, but our beautiful captain made things right again three minutes later. After Eddie Olczyk had been begging us to shoot 5-hole the entire period before, Jamie Benn did just that after a sick fake-high-go-low…

From there on, our Russians took center stage. Dobby was sensational all night, but did give up a second equalizer after he got interfered and begged for a challenge. Unfortunately, the Toronto replay crew was too spineless to enforce the rules by the book and called it incidental.

Dobby apologized in the form of a stick bang and then transfigured himself into a brick wall for the rest of the game.

It was especially incredible considering the fact that he looked injured on one of his late leg splits and was noticeably slow getting up for the final five minutes of the game.

He didn’t have to move a muscle in overtime though, because our beautiful Russian forward did this 31 seconds in…

Sweet Jesus WHAT A FUCKING SHOT. Gooooooddd fucking lord that was so amazing.

Outside of Colorado Game 7, I thought Radulov had been sparing us to death for the past two weeks and honestly preferred Cogliano in the lineup instead of him. Never has a plate of crow tasted sweeter…

The Benn/Seguin/Rads line was broken up for a couple games until this one, and they got back to dominating as soon as they reunited. Two of the three goals came from this line, and they accounted for 2/3 of shots whenever they were on the ice. If this line fully activates again, this team gets even scarier good.

Oh and speaking of good… Heiskanen is so, so, soooo good.

After opening the series at -250 and being up to -280 before Game 3, Vegass is now slight underdogs. And we might’ve finally cracked the code on Lehner.

If we win tonight, shit gets really reeaalllll. Let’s. Fucking. Go.

Game 3: I FUCKING LOVE MY RUSSKIS

Flashback Friday – Remembering Romo’s Recovery and Run vs the 3-13 Rams

Apparently the Cowboys and Rams had a lot of epic playoff battles back in the day, but I’m not old enough to remember anything of that shit.

In late modern times, there haven’t been many notable games between the two teams. The division round game a couple years ago was huge, but that is too recent.

Quincy Carter’s 13-10 victory back in 2002 was awesome at the time, but not important enough to feature in this series…

(NOTE: #88 is Antonio Bryant, the better version of Dez)

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Instead, for this inaugural version of Cowboys Flashback Friday posts, we’re going to feature a top ten moment of Romo’s career – the epic four yard run.

Back in 2007, the Cowboys had the best team I can ever remember following. Bill Parcells had laid the foundation of a roster that was staaaacckkked on both sides of the ball.

Despite dropping the ball in Seattle the winter before and driving Parcells to retirement, Romo was looking sharp as shit in this season. He showing no signs of the career choke artist he would later become.

One of the savviest plays he made all season, and of his entire career, came in Week 4. It was a LEGENDARY four yard run.

You can see the replay at the beginning of this video of Romo’s top ten career moments…

Unfortunately, the season ended with a Cabo trip and an embarrassment at the hands of Eli, but at least we had this memory against the 3-13 Rams.

Flashback Friday – Remembering Romo’s Recovery and Run vs the 3-13 Rams

Game 2: Let’s Talk About Vegass’s Stupid Anthem Chant

The Knights came out more focused than us in Game 2 and the series is tied at one now. Sucks. It looks like we need some tactical adjustments going forward as Vegas looked way better with rest and Ryan Reaves back.

On the bright side, we got to rest Dobby for the 3rd period and Jake Oettinger looked pretty decent, which is a good sign for the future.

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Enough about the game because it sucked. Now is a better time than any to discuss something that’s been really triggering me lately and that is the national anthem…

I’m not triggered by the fact that it’s disrespectful (which it is), and no I don’t care about the UCF Golden Knights either. The reason I’m triggered is that this chant is just plain fucking stupid.

The Stars have a way better chant where we yell “STARS” twice during the anthem. You see, ‘Stars’ in the Dallas Stars and the Star Spangled Banner are actual homonyms of each other. That is a chant to actually be proud of. In fact, it’s the only good anthem chant in America if you ask me.

Stars = Stars

Knights ≠ Night

Simple as that.

But even though our chant is the best, we don’t go around shoving it in everyone’s faces. Maybe we should start doing that now though with Vegass being all smug and obnoxious over the dumbest rendition ever.

Be better, Vegass. Be more like this.

Game 2: Let’s Talk About Vegass’s Stupid Anthem Chant

Playoff Rondo Is Fully Activated and People Are Surprised for Some Reason

I’ve said from the beginning that Playoff Rondo is the only hope the Lakers have at avoiding failure. After three games of this Rockets series, prescience appears to be an understatement for my evaluation.

After returning from injury and taking a warmup in Game 1, he spent the next two games turning the entire complexion of the NBA Playoffs on its head. Playoff Rondo is now fully activated.

Obviously I am not surprised by this turn of events. What I am surprised by though… is the fact that everyone else is so surprised!

Sure, he’s looked pedestrian as hell in countless regular season games over the past ten or so years. But those games don’t matter and he knows that more than anyone.

As a both a Dallas and New Orleans guy, I’ve had an up close view of both the best and worst of Playoff Rondo over the years, so let’s run this back…

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The Mavs traded for Rondo in December 2014 and it was a rocky start. Defense improved slightly, but offense dropped from it’s top-of-league status to fourth within a month as he continually clashed heads with Carlisle.

Rondo – “I’ll call the fucking plays!”  Carlisle – “Sit the fuck down!”  Love it.

Despite the troubles, Celtics fans would keep telling us to wait for Playoff Rondo. They recalled his legendary performances such as the six steals in Finals clinchers vs Lakers and the time he carried his old ass squad to a 3-2 lead against the prime Heatles.

Alas, Rondo never blessed Mavs fans with that magic. His playoff tenure in Dallas lasted all of 1.5 games. In game 2 of round 1, his feuding with Carlisle went to a whole new level.

He purposely took an 8 second violation after getting pissed at one of Carlisle’s play calls, and then came out of the second half with the sole intent of getting benched. Two fouls on Harden within 20 seconds, one of them a technical, and that was all she wrote for Rondo’s career in Dallas.

He was ruled out the rest of the series with a ‘back injury’, had his playoff salary revoked by a team vote, and had physically bolted from the city of Dallas before Game 3 even began.

He’s been an enemy of Mavs fans ever since, but I still retained a soft spot for him. Shortly before the series began, this ESPN Mag feature came out and explained how he was the smartest player in the league who just had troubles relating with high ego coaches because of his genius.

Around that same time, I was fired from a short-lived job under very similar circumstances. I won’t go into details but can confidently say that I was the smartest, most talented, and easily the biggest asshole of the company. Rondo felt like a kindred spirit to me.

I love Carlisle and always will. He is one of the, if not THE, best coach in the game. But he should’ve handled Rondo differently. Our offense in 2011 took off once he finally allowed Jason Kidd to call plays, and he should’ve just done the same with Rondo.

It’s not like it would’ve made much of a difference though, and it was still a great trade for us because we also got Dwight Powell in it.

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Anyways, Rondo moves on and signs a contract with the Kings to cash some checks for a year. The next season, he signs with the Bulls and has a mostly pedestrian season until the playoffs start and he singlehandedly carries Chicago to a 2-0 lead vs the 1 seed Celtics.

He got a thumb injury and missed the rest of the series, which allowed the Celtics to win four straight and breathe a sigh of relief.

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In 2018, he signs with the Pelicans. Again, it’s a pretty ‘meh’ regular season until the playoffs start and he becomes a hero forever in the city of New Orleans. Playoff Rondo was for real.

Whereas three years earlier I was in Dallas and everyone HATED this dude, I found myself during this series watching games in NOLA bars and joining in the Rondo worship. What a surreal experience.

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Next season he signs with the Lakers, and he’s obviously invisible because they didn’t make the playoffs. The lone exception was a nationally televised game at Boston where he activated his playoff self for 10 assists and a buzzer beating three for the win.

Fast forward to now, and he’s back in an environment where he gives a shit. After skipping most of the BS games early on in the bubble, he’s arrived for this series and the league is on notice.

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So, is everyone else fucked now that playoff Rondo is fully activated for LeBron and AD? Possibly.

The only hope I can give to Lakers haters such as myself is that Playoff Rondo has a battery life. He lasted only two games in that Bulls series, and he missed the entire next Pelicans series against Golden State with an injury.

However, it’s possible he just didn’t care about those games after making enough noise to secure his next season’s contract. We’ll just have to pray and see.

Playoff Rondo Is Fully Activated and People Are Surprised for Some Reason

The Fish Are Looking Fresh Ahead of a Mega Series vs Philly

The Marlins are about to have a long weekend of their most important stretch of the season – seven total games over five days against the Phillies.

It’s part of a slate of 27 games over the final 23 days of the season with zero off days and four doubleheaders within 10 days. However, the most important part of that slate is tonight through Monday, as Miami and Philly are neck and neck for the all important 2nd place guaranteed playoff spot.

The series starts tonight, with Sandy Alcantara aka ‘The Sandy Man’ starting against Jake Spare-ieta.

Fortunately for the Fish, they’ve been looking pretty good coming into this. They just completed a six game road trip through Tampa and Atlanta and went 3-3. Not so shabby getting a split against two first place teams.

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The first win of the stretch came last Saturday when Alcantara went 6 IP, 1 ER, and 8 Ks. It affirmed him as officially back from covid.

We should have won the series on Sunday when Starling Marte hit a two run shot in the first frame and rookie ace-in-training Trevor Rogers on the mound. Unfortunately, Tampa clawed their way back to tie.

We then blew two 0 out, runner on 2nd opportunities in the 8th and 9th. We scored in the 10th, but Kintzler blew a save for the first time in ten tries (albeit it was extra innings).

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The Fish made up for Sunday’s disappointment by killing it against the Braves.

The series started with an awesome matinee on Monday afternoon. In the bottom of the 4th, Acuña was crowding the plate with his armor got himself beaned by Ureña again. He spent the rest of the game moping, including later that inning when his lazy ass got picked off at 2nd.

It was pretty tight.

Kintzler blew a second save in a row, this time a real one with clean bases in the 9th, but we got the job done in the 10th for a W.

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Tuesday was Sixto Clock and he breezed through a dominant six innings for blowout win.

We lost the sweep on Wednesday and everyone is pointing to the 29 runs scored against as an embarrassment. In reality, we got screwed by the umps.

In the bottom of the second, a one out sac fly looked to be turned into an ending inning, run removing double play thanks to Marte’s cannon.

Instead, the retard replay officials called it safe and it became a ten run swing. Lopez got chased and was replaced by shitty Jordan Yamamoto and we basically forfeited the game to rest arms.

Sucks to not sweep the Braves, and it sucks to get made fun of for allowing 29 runs, but a series win is still a series win and going 3-3 against two first place teams is a great success for the playoff chase.

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Continue that success through this weekend, and we get to start warming up for playoff baseball. Gotta love the 2020 season.

The Fish Are Looking Fresh Ahead of a Mega Series vs Philly

Is ET Coming Home or What?

The long running saga between Earl Thomas and America’s Team began on Christmas Eve of 2017. After beating us in a virtual playoff game in Week 16, the native Texan ran through the Cowboys tunnel to catch Jason Garrett and ask him to ‘come get me’ once Seattle ‘kicked him to the curb’…

(Side Note: That game was the beginning of the end for Dez in Dallas. Here are his full highlights from the game)

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Trade rumors were buzzing when he held out the entire 2018 offseason and camp. Dallas offered a 2nd round pick, but Seattle demanded both a 1st and 3rd. That was way too much for a pending free agent, so Dallas declined.

ET was not pleased, and he made his feelings known against us in Week 3 in the form of two interceptions and a bow…

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It looked like the saga was over for good last summer when Baltimore opened the bank for ET in a way that Dallas could not afford.

The Ravens were awesome and ET got cockier and cockier about his team as the season went along. He said that the Ravens, and not the Niners, were guaranteed a Super Bowl spot. He also trash talked the Pats defense for not wanting to tackle Derrick Henry

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Anyways we all know how that worked out. Despite the choke job vs Tennessee, ET still looked to be in a good spot to wind down the prime of his career with Baltimore. Then shit got super real over the summer.

In April, his wife held him up at gunpoint when she raided an orgy that he and his brother were hosting in Austin.

Early in camp, he got kicked out of practice after getting into an all out brawl with fellow starting safety Chuck Clark. Fighting in football practice is not a big deal, but it was the latest in a string of problems ET’s had with his teammates.

They had already grown sick of him last year because he kept to himself in a tight-knit locker room, called out DT Brandon Williams for not playing through injury in their Week 4 loss to Cleveland, and skipped all the team workouts this offseason (even though he reported to camp in great shape).

The straw that broke the camel’s back was him releasing a video of the pre-fight coverage breakdown on Instagram, and sharing private practice intel to the public is a big no no.

The Ravens ‘leadership council’ requested he be released, and now he’s a free agent.

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Dallas was the top team to sign him after he got released, but it’s been almost three weeks and he’s still unemployed. Is ET coming home or what?

Obviously Jerry Jones would love for that to happen, but contrary to popular belief he is not the real decision maker in Dallas. He is a spokesman while his son Stephen runs the football operations with massive delegation to Mike McCarthy and Will McClay.

McCarthy does not seem too keen on signing ET, likely because of his relationship with Seahawks GM John Schneider going back to their Green Bay days. As it stands now, sources keep telling journalists that the Cowboys have no interest and all the ET rumors are bullshit.

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That being said, safety is definitely our biggest question mark going into the season. The current starter at free safety is Xavier Woods, who can play in both spots and has very high ceiling potential. Last year however, our scheme got exposed and he struggled along with everyone else on defense.

In the strong safety spot, we had hopes for HaHa Clinton-Dix, but he disappointed in camp and got cut. That leaves the starting job to special teams journeyman Darian Thompson – not good.

We did sign Brandon Carr recently, who is a solid old vet and could be dependable. There’s also been a lot of noise about playing Cheetoh at safety.

I’m cool with rolling with those guys to start the season and seeing how things work. McCarthy has proven trustworthy to this point, and we don’t need entitlement culture seeping through.

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If anyone struggles though, Earl Thomas needs to get a call. Kevin Sherrington wrote it best: allow some time for Thomas to humble up, see how our current personnel works under live bullets, and bring him in on an incentive deal if we need him.

If that happens, it means Super Bowl. America’s haters are just gonna have to…

Is ET Coming Home or What?

Game 1: Stars Shut the Mouths of Cocky Vegass Knights in Gritty 1-0 Shutout

In the Colorado series, the Stars had to go against their norm and push on offense to have a prayer of outscoring the high powered Avs. We didn’t necessarily race up and down the ice, but rather played high and aggressive with forechecking to bring the physicality to the offensive zone.

The result was five goal games in all four of our wins; a huge turnaround from the 2nd lowest scoring offense in the league during regular season.

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In game 1 against Vegass, the Stars got back to our dominant defense and goaltending ways through a gritty 1-0 shutout. The neutral zone was clamped down shut, and if the Knights ever did find their way into the o-zone, the Dallas defensive bunker was impenetrable.

It’s hard to tell if we set out to use these tactics from the beginning or if the plan was to just lock down once we got a lead. The reason? Our goal came on our very first shot, just two and half minutes into the game…

Maybe we would’ve opened up more going forward if Vegass had ever equalized, but they didn’t. They didn’t even come close. Five total high danger scoring chances (including power plays) and zero total goals. It was a masterpiece.

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A lot of people are pointing to the fact that the Knights were tired after playing back to back games 6 and 7 vs the Canucks. I’m sure that affected the game, but I have no sympathy.

Vegass gets a huge break all season by playing an easy schedule in the easiest division in hockey, while we have to grind it out in the hardest division every year. Also, don’t get pushed to seven games vs Vancouver if you don’t want to be tired.

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When it comes to fatigue throughout the entire course of the series, Vegass should have the advantage. Mainly because of their goalie situation, as backup Theo Fleury looked very much like the Fleury that put the expansion team on his back and carried them to the finals two years ago.

Dobby was even better, as he stopped 100% of his shots and allowed ZERO rebound attempts.

In any given game, I’ll feel comfortable rolling with Dobby. However, he is a small goalie and depends on reflex skills that might wear down over a series.

I hope Bishop can snap out of whatever funk he’s in, or Vegass might get a leg up with fresh top-notch goalies. That’s why getting game 1 was so huge for us.

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After taking out assistant captains early on in our first two series, we got right back at it and targeted Mark Stone…

This was the best hit of the game though…

Now to Vegass’s credit, none of their players are out for the series yet. Good for them for being tougher than the Flames and Avs. Still, it was quite nice to see a team that was so visibly cocky for two series before this end up looking tired, quiet, and scared all night on Sunday.

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A couple other notes…

Heiskanen is so, so good. The Athletic’s Sean Shapiro just released a nice writeup on how his 21 year old play measures up to old legends in their primes.

One gif can’t do him justice, but there’s so many things like this that he makes look so easy. It doesn’t show up in the box score, but he’s already breaking records in that aspect anyway.

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The Avs were cheating against us all last series. It looks like Vegass won’t be able to and that might be huge. Finally, interference is being called again…

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We win three out of six and we’re in the finals. Game 2 tonight. Let’s fucking go.

Game 1: Stars Shut the Mouths of Cocky Vegass Knights in Gritty 1-0 Shutout

Saints vs Brokovich in Labor Day Weekend Screw Jobs

Over Labor Day Weekend, the sports universe got a chuckle out of two of the most inexplicably hated institutions in sports – the New Orleans Saints and Novak Brokovich.

The Saints were on the verge of acquiring Jadeveon Clowney before getting railroaded by the NFL for the billionth time in the past decade…

Later, the NFL tried to smear the Saints in retaliation by pretending that they were getting duped by the Ravens and Jags. I don’t believe that for a second.

I get there are salary cap and league parity ramifications etc, but this was a clever idea that would’ve allowed for a more efficient market. The problem with the idea was that the Saints came up with it.

The league just has it out for New Orleans and I guess it will never end. Bountygate bullshit, tampering with championship games, calling offensive PI on everyone but Saints playoff opponents last year, and the list goes on…

There’s a couple reasons for this. (1) Gayle Benson conned her way into NFL ownership because she’s cool as shit, and NFL execs are intimidated by that. (2) Sean Payton became a Parcells guy after getting fired by the Giants and is therefore enemies of the Jets and Giants fans in the NFL front office.

It will all blow up in their faces soon enough. The NFL should’ve done more to protect Jameis from slander. Instead, their nemesis the Saints just lucked into landing a possible goat-in-training. (Currently fact checking the book, and it’s all checking out so far).

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However, the bigger atrocity in my opinion is what happened to Novak Brokovich…

Are you serious with this petty bullshit in the US OPEN for chrissakes? Come ooonnnn…

Brokovich is a sad tale in sports because he clearly has a good heart and tries to say all the right things to be loved, but he will always be hated.

Right now, the reason d’jour for hating Brokovich is the tournament he held in the middle of quarantine. The New York Times has the full details; it’s hard to read it all and still think of him as a bad person.

He had some primitive ideas on vaccines and science, but that doesn’t make him alone in this world by any means. Also, the key word is ‘had’ as he clearly backtracked on his statements after learning more.

I’m not one to judge someone from a poor and war-torn country for not being educated. I’m definitely not going to judge someone’s well-intentioned philanthropic events in said poor and war-torn country.

It would be nice if other tennis fans said the same, but that would be harder than admitting the real reason he’ll never get a break – they’re just mad that a tall Serbian bro ended up being better than prissy little Swiss boy.

Saints vs Brokovich in Labor Day Weekend Screw Jobs

Stars +205 vs Vegass – Bookmakers Are High for a Third Straight Series

Show of hands from all my readers and be honest here y’all… Who among us has ever actually enjoyed a trip to Vegas?

Ohh hmm for some reason I don’t see any hands just like every other time I’ve ever asked this question. It’s almost like VegASS is the most overrated city in the world.

Apparently they have the most overrated hockey team in the world too because the Knights are -250 to beat us in the conference finals. I’m starting to sound like a broken record here but… what the fuck Vegas?

I understand that Vegas teams get inflated odds because of all the local tickets. And yes, this is still better odds than they gave us for the Avs. But it is still insulting and I’m having none of it.

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The Avs were the best team in the league and I still thought their price was way too high going into that series. I was proven more than right when we nearly gentleman sweep’d em before accidentally forfeiting that game 5.

The Knights on the other hand just barely escaped a seven game series against the freakin Canucks. “Yeah but they murdered the advanced stats etc etc.” Oh, great… What an accomplishment dominating possession against the freaking VANCOUVER CANUCKS.

Vancouver has been one of the worst teams in hockey over the past several seasons, with some slight improvement this year due to a weighted schedule against the easiest division opponents by far. Vegas gets the same benefit by the way.

There are five, possibly six teams in the Central division that could win the Pacific easily. Remember last year when everyone thought Calgary was good? Haha, that was funny.

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The biggest hurdle to the finals was Colorado and we just cleared that with flying colors. Making us heavy underdogs to the west coast teams is absolutely disrespectful and for the third straight time this postseason, we’re gonna have to make bookies regret it.

Fuck Vegas. Fuck their bookies. And fuck their shitty expansion team.

Stars in 6

Stars +205 vs Vegass – Bookmakers Are High for a Third Straight Series

Game 7: Stars Finally Finnish Beating That Avs

I have to give Joe Sakic credit here. He hasn’t beaten us in a Game 7 yet, but he keeps getting closer and closer each time. Back in 1999, we beat the Avs asses 4-1 in the deciding game. The next year in 2000, Ray Bourque came this close to pushing us to overtime…

Now as the Avs GM, Sakic actually did extend us all the way to OT in Game 7, and he very nearly beat us. Unfortunately for him, we had a Finnish secret weapon who scored a game winning hat trick in his second ever playoff game.

Holy. Fucking. Shit. Thank god Jere Lehtinen tipped us off about this kid. Thank god Cogliano, who two years ago had the NHL iron man record, wasn’t healthy enough to play Friday.

Cogliano did serve us well before leaving, as he took out Avs defenseman Conor Timins with this hit in Game 6. It was the final bit of injury depletion that we desperately needed every single bit of.

But in Game 7, we needed the Finnish scorer more and boy did he deliver. Thank the fucking lord.

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This was an emotional game for me to say the least. I started watching on my phone at a funeral and eventually found myself chain-smoking outside an OKC Hooter’s during the OT intermission.

I realized that the last time I watched an important Dallas game at Hooter’s, it was the Game 6 loss of the Mavs/Warriors we believe series. I was about to really hate the establishment of Hooter’s and I was also about to fall into a deep abyss of depression.

Thank god things turned. Who knows if I would be here writing this today otherwise. Here’s how crunch time went down…

Are. You. Fucking. KIDDING ME JAMIE BENN! Highest paid player on our team by far, and will be for a long time, and he fucking chokes for us.

Next eight minutes I think about his albatross contract and wish we had cut him the minute he scored that goal against the USA in the Sochi games.

LIFE!!! Ohhh my god praise the lord we’re alive again!

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Dkjlsdalkfjapj!!! Sweet sweet Denis that was wiiiiidde open!

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No funeral.

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Holy shit holy shit holy shit HOLY SHIIIIIIITTT!!!! We didn’t even win the face-off and we scored TEN SECONDS LATER!

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Fuuuuuuccckkk everybody!!!! Life is awesome! I love life! 

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Game 7: Stars Finally Finnish Beating That Avs