Dak and Zeke add another saga to their bromance as they’ve now both been sued because of their dogs. Dak’s dog bit off a woman’s finger last year, and last month Zeke’s dog nearly bit off a woman’s arm. Pictures in both cases are pretty gruesome and I feel for the women here because it was probably painful. However, and I’m going to try and say this as delicately as possible, these ‘victims’ need to understand two things.
(1) However it is they act around dogs needs changing. Dogs reflect their owners, and two of the chillest dudes in the NFL are Dak and Zeke. Let’s also remember that Zeke’s first dog, OG Ace, was featured on his ‘my cause my cleats’ shoes his rookie year to bring awareness to his animal charities. Let’s just make sure to confirm all the facts before making any judgments.
(2) When Dez had to give away his pet monkey in 2016, he was never the same player since. These women are fucking with America’s Team and to see it coming from two locals is unacceptable. I would sacrifice a limb for a Super Bowl and I expect every other fan to feel the same. Fortunately, Dak’s dog escaped the death penalty and he put up MVP caliber numbers last year. Let’s pray the same happens with Zeke.
It’s been a rough offseason for Zeke. Every EDM concert all over the world was canceled and he hasn’t been able to enjoy his favorite hobby of rolling face. Even when he’s been trying to do his thing low key, he gets ratted out by Dak’s neighbors for bringing too many friends to a quarantine dinner party. The snitches in Texas are out of control.
Of course, a Zeke offseason wouldn’t be complete without the mainstream media making it their mission to slander him with outright lies. Sports Illustrated is the latest perpetrator, claiming that Zeke admitted to being high on a live stream. Apparently, the words “Ohh bro I’m low key faaadded bro, oh no I didn’t even end my streammm yet” is proof of smoking marijuana these days. So sick of this shit.
PS – I did hear bits and pieces of this stream. Zeke basically admitted that he doesn’t think the season will happen this year and hasn’t been working out accordingly. Not a concern to me. Just remember that Bo Jackson never lifted weights, and Zeke has already rushed for twice as many yards as Bo ever could.
Spurs win 2-0 vs West Ham in a game that was much more nerve wracking in real life than it was on paper. Two thirds possession and 15 total shots, but none of them actually hit the target. Fortunately, West Ham sucks balls and we forced an own goal. It was deserved. That old ‘pucks on net’ hockey adage came to life in soccer form.
Even after the lead, it remained nerve wracking because this is Spurs in our season of spare. West Ham hit the post, but we can just block that one single play out of our mind and remember us closing out in perfect form. None of the bad things we’re used to seeing happen actually happened. We look so good when that happens!
One week of restart is in and life definitely feels sweeter for us. Sure, West Ham sucks, but they don’t suck nearly as much as that corrupt ManU ref on Friday. I never had access to watch those 2006 rigged Serie A matches, but now I can confirm exactly what they must have looked like. Corners turned into goal kicks. Dirty ass play with no cards given. Penalty kicks for breathing on players. We new it would happen, but it still stung. Thank god for VAR as a loss would’ve been catastrophic.
Four points in two games is not the world beater pace we need to make Champions League, but it’s a damn good start considering we deserved six. We cheer for Sheffield or draw in their match vs ManU tomorrow, and then we can beat them next Thursday to make this race verrry interestinggg…
Sheffield also has FA cup on Sunday, so we’ll have a fatigue advantage on top of the depth advantage we already have. Wolves? I’m trying not to think about them, just like nobody wants to think about the fact that Lester is falling apart. Let’s pray that ManU match rigging was a one game deal and we get a result from Sheffield tomorrow. Then, this race is fucking on.
Observations and ANALysis:
–Kane did not look good at all on Friday and I was starting to worry that his age 26 was more like an NFL RB’s age 26. That all vanished yesterday as he looked like a world beater again. Tons of great through balls and strikes despite not getting a finisher until, when he was visibly exhausted in the 82nd minute, he knocked home that sprinting goal to make him confident as fuck for the rest of the season. He’s one of our own and he scores when he wants. Love him 🥰
–Son completed his compulsory military service over quarantine and was ranked in the top five of his 157 person class. He probably played a role in KJU’s disappearance during that time too. What a badass. His goal yesterday was nifty as hell, even if it was a hair offsides.
-I’m gonna try and explain Sissoko’s importance through these two gifs:
-Given those three points above and that all three players were supposed to be out for the season, it’s clear no team has benefited more from this pandemic than Spurs. As long as I keep my job, nobody I know dies, and we finish the job to make champions league, I will be a happy camper. I will keep drinking coronas during the games as a good luck charm.
-Two games, two sets of well-executed tactics (out of one 4-2-3-1 formation). We played typical Mourinho-ball on Friday, but yesterday we were forced to do the opposite. NBC’s halftime commentators alluded to the struggles that Mourinho’s ManU and Chelsea teams had against bus parking, citing the emphasis on countering not jiving with the technical play it takes to break down deep blocks.
Spurs allayed those concerns for two main reason: (1) we have a lot of great dribblers when healthy (2) Davies and especially Aurier were great on the wings, giving us extra width and numbers to get open. A very possible third reason is that West Ham is trash, so let’s hope we keep this up throughout a remaining schedule of mostly teams that suck a little bit less than West Ham.
-I fucking love the new Dutch kid Bergwijn. The internet may have been more focused on De Gea’s weak hands, but that strike on Friday was still absolutely nasty. Unfortunately, it seems ManU put a bounty on him after because the ref was in their pocket, and he had to be subbed out after a brutally dirty tackle left him limping (no foul called). He was a sub yesterday and had a good defensive play during our close out.
–Dier at CB, so far is a rock? It’s definitely a more natural position for him than CDM, where he was too slow and clumsy. I’m not ready yet to be comfortable with him, but am getting much less uncomfortable. The Twitter account ‘TranSPURS’ has some good videos of his job vs both ManU and West Ham.
-Our beloved captain Hugo is looking as good as he’s ever been. That £15k guard dog he bought over quarantine must’ve helped with his confidence.
-It is hilarious that West Ham is getting relegated! Fuck em.
Dele Alli has been killing it under Mourinho this season, but he won’t be available for Friday’s ManU mega match because he made a coronavirus joke on Snapchat back in February. Surely it must’ve been race related if it warranted a suspension, but that is still confusing given his partnership in the worlds greatest bromance
.@Dele_Alli and Son Heung-Min have mastered the art of the handshake.
Turns out his friends were giving him shit for wearing a mask to the airport because it was still only February 6th at the time. He took a Snapchat of an Asian man coughing and put a caption of ‘corona whattt’ to prove to his friends he wasn’t overreacting. The FA deemed it wasn’t racist, but it was still offensive enough for suspension because it made light of corona. On February 6th… While that scumbag Kyle Walker gets nothing for having sex parties during lockdown.
Obviously the real reason is the ballooning debt of over $500m happening at the worst possible time in modern history. Desperate for champions league revenue and scared shitless with Mourinho standing in the way of that, their good friends in the FA threw out a life line. So not only do we lose our best player, but the refs will likely be corrupted as well.
We also had a scrimmage with Reading canceled because they have covid-positive players. Mourinho had a plan for two friendlies (one already took place vs Norwich) to test out two starting XIs before the ManU game. It turns out he only gets one look because of this. Not ideal.
The problems keep piling up for Spurs, but it’s not like we aren’t used to that. On the bright side, we have all three of Kane, Son, and Sissoko back from the dead and ready to save the season. We’ve also had this month of dedicated practice for Mighty Mou to finally be able to train his tactics. The odds may be stacked against us, but ManU+refs are going to get a run for their money.
For decades, poor and stupid people across America have flocked to NASCAR as a safe haven for their poor and stupid culture. That demo used to be large enough to be profitable, but those prospects have fallen on grave times lately. According the Wall Street Journal, ratings and revenue have been in a free fall since the start of the 2008 financial crisis. TV ratings are down 50%, and 1/4 of seats in all racetrack stands have been removed due to declining attendance. It turns out that recessions hit harder on the poor and stupid than it does for people that live in cities.
Fans may be crying otherwise on the internet, but this move to ban confederate flags is not about caving to lib wokeness – it’s about business. Another recession is hitting, and NASCAR needs to open up to people that aren’t poor. Some may say that’s impossible, but I disagree. One example is Charles Barkley, who in 2004 was on his way to check out his first NASCAR race but had to leave before he finished parking because he had already seen too many confederate flags around.
Race days aren’t necessarily about the cars and drivers – it’s primarily about day drinking. Dak and Zeke may not become diehard racing fans, but they may certainly come to find that race day is a great environment for their bromance. Countless other bros across America fall into that same category. And not just African Americans, but people of any minority group and even whites who don’t enjoy seeing racist symbols. Basically, anyone who lives in civilization (cities) is a part of this untapped demographic, and fortunately for NASCAR every track except Talledaga is near a city.
This is why I recommend every sports fan give NASCAR a shot this year. That doesn’t mean watching any of it on TV because that is obviously too boring and always will be. But race days are cool, and they are a tradition that should live because day drinking and watching huge ass machines will always be fun as shit. Reward NASCAR for taking this step and start pricing out all those poor and stupid losers. This is one way capitalism can be a force for good.
In the first week of 2020, it appeared Tulane football was finally leaving (irrelevancy) on a Jett plane once and for all. For those who aren’t from Texas, the picture above shows a bonafide baller quarterback (former Texas Tech starter) donning Mardi Gras beads and a Green Wave jersey to announce that he was taking his talents to the AAC. What a huge get for Tulane. PFF College had him rated as the top returning starter in the Big 12, and I’ve seen enough of him to easily concur with the nerds.
This kid wasn’t a pro prospect or anything like that, but he has a highlight reel against half the Big 12 teams – we were guaranteed to be UCF/Memphis level awesome with him on board. Our previous QB, Justin McMillan, made a lot of sick plays and an equal number of horrendously awful plays. That was good enough for us to start 5-1, with the only loss being a screw job by the refs at Auburn (two red zone takeaways overturned on BS premises). Jett was the upgrade we needed for 1998 vibes to start coming back.
Unfortunately, it was not meant to be. That picture was deleted from Duffey’s Twitter account a week after he posted it because Tulane denied him academic admission. It’s nice to have pride in academics and all that, but this seemed a little ridiculous. When it comes to quarterbacks of his caliber, the minimum admission requirements should be nothing more than basic literacy. Why would a supposedly smart school do something so stupid? Apparently, the academic issues were just a smokescreen.
Later in February, Central Michigan also rejected his transfer, this time citing an issue with his freshman season suspension for sexually assaulting an incapacitated student in addition to a new complaint filed in 2019. That explains why he mysteriously entered the transfer portal to begin with, and is the reason he’s without a program despite originally being a top transfer target for The U. Given that Tulane is just two years removed from a somewhat disturbing sexual assault climate report, it was probably best to err on the side of caution.
Last year, we had a big basketball transfer when Teshaun Hightower came over from the Georgia Bulldogs to become our leading scorer and play well enough to enter the draft. It turns out he’s a bigger criminal than Jett Duffey ever was, because in April he was charged with MURDER. Yikes. At least be good enough to carry us to the tourney if you’re gonna be a murderer.
Finally, last week we showed big improvement in our rap sheet by moving on from rape and murder to mere domestic violence. Defensive back Tyler Judson, a prized 3 star recruit who we stole from Ole Miss, was suspended indefinitely after beating up his girlfriend outside of a Waffle House and sending her to the ICU. This story is sad because in addition to being good, he was supposed to be a pretty bright guy. He decommitted from Ole Miss because of our architecture program, which is rigorous as hell and fairly exclusive. Unfortunately, he was not yet smart enough to limit his life’s problems to only 99 at a time.
On Thursday, EA and the NFL announced a renewal of their exclusive licensing agreement, meaning football video games will continue to suck for another undisclosed length of years. Madden veterans remember when this deal was first announced in 2004, a sad turning point for the industry.
The prior year, 2K Sports released NFL 2K5 for only $20 a month before Madden came out. The game was pretty sick, featuring a new ‘first person football’ mode, awesome celebrations (that came with a risk of fumbling into the end zone), and Boomer highlights. The pass defense AI was trash however, so Madden’s Ray Lewis title with a ton of defense innovations kept them holding on to king status.
2K5 was still legit though, so football gamers were optimistic that the competition would breed great products for years to come. That all died with the exclusive rights announcements and Madden devs have been mailing it in since. Sad times.
That being said, I will give EA credit for trying a little at the start for Madden 06. They introduced a very controversial ‘QB Vision’ feature that everyone hated, but it was a legitimately good idea. Playing zone defense starts with looking at a QB’s eyes, and this was a way to do that in a video game. After all the Vick cheese that happened the year before, there needed to be a way to level the playing field between pocket passers and scramblers.
Even though you could turn it off easily, the Madden community was beyond outraged and the message was sent to never again disrupt their comfort zone. At the point, there was no good reason to mess with further innovations and the game sucked forever from then on. (Maybe it got better, but I’ve had no reason to find out)
Manning vs Vick vision cones. It was a cool feature, but people hate change
Speaking of said Vick cheese from the 05 game, I always found it hilarious back then to watch Madden Bowl matches consisting of two scrambling quarterbacks (mostly just Vick) and a rotation of three glitchy plays being called the entire game. That’s why it gave me great joy to learn that this year’s Madden champion won without attempting a single pass. The rosters were set via salary cap drafts, and he just used a punter for a QB and o-linemen for WRs and ran the ball every play. Amazing! What a joke e-sports are. It’s getting bigger and all yeah yeah, but I doubt it ever peaks to levels of say… current day women’s soccer.
Also, one very important but sad Madden note is that Charles Rogers died last November. RIP in peace to a legend. It doesn’t matter what he accomplished on the field; we should be forever grateful for his performance in the best Madden commercial of all time…
Germany took its most important step to date in atoning for WW2 when the Bundesliga restarted, and the past two days have been far and away the high point of the league’s short history of relevance. We had what was essentially a title game between Dortmund and Bayern Munich on Tuesday, kicking off a total of ten games over two afternoons. Like I’ve always said, there is nothing better than weekday daytime gambling. I love it just like Larry David loves daytime sex.
That being said, I came out of this experience with a bit of blue balls. Imagine you’re one of those North Dakota oil workers, or in a more topical example one of those slaves who’s finishing up the Qatar stadiums. You’ve been isolated from females for months, maybe years, and you finally get some time off to head to town and buy a hooker. Only problem is you’re charged per load instead of per hour, and you burn through all you can afford in 30 seconds. Sure, you got laid and you really needed it, but you’re not healed.
That’s what it’s like with a sports calendar with bundesliga and nothing else. Usually I am served with a main course of evening gambling on American sports after a casual afternoon of soccer gambling. That wasn’t available and those became two of the antsiest nights of my entire lifetime. Also, Bundesliga is cool but it’s nothing like the EPL. That’s why my sports pants are feeling the happiest they’ve been in ages after this morning’s news:
Yesterday’s ‘Battle of LA’ was a likely preview of the next one or two WCFs, but the rest of the decade will be dominated by two rising powers that battled for the first time last Wednesday – Luka’s Mavs and Zion’s Pelicans.Dallas drew first blood in a close overtime victory (highlights), and unfortunately for New Orleans that is probably how this rivalry will play out over the long term.
Zion is the most popular popular rookie since Lebron, but last year Luka was the best rookie since… well since ever.He spent the first few months of this season neck and neck with Giannis for MVP, but has regressed to merely an average superstar level as of late.2019 Luka would’ve splashed this buzzer beater last Monday and that is not a hyperbole, but he’s been a bit more human since new year.
He’s been targeted by nervous vets all year, and it seems every game there is an enforcer assigned to give him a beating.Just last night he took a flying knee kick to the face as well as two other face punches that didn’t get called.He’s getting pounded and it’s causing injuries and it’s bullshit, but I guess we can just deal with it for now.After some playoff wins, the star treatment will activate and then he’s invincible from there on out.
He started the All Star Game before having his first legal drink (paid for by Mark Cuban) and is still fully ensconced as the goat-in-training.
The Pelicans still have a formidable icon in their own with Zion who is an absolute monster.He has power in the post game that will be the most dominant we’ve seen since Shaq, and he is the best rebounder in the NBA already.On defense, he is always threat to force a turnover and tally the ‘points off turnover’ column in a flash.
I don’t buy the nailbiting over his health or the new idea that big players can’t enjoy healthy careers.Gentry may need to get some Coach O advice on keeping gumbo servings in check, but overall he is right in saying people worry about Zion “too freaking much”.New Orleans will enjoy this Monstar for years to come.
Both teams have deep and promising supporting casts – Dallas better on offense and New Orleans better on defense.However, the coaching disparity is huge.Carlisle has pretty much taken the reigns from Popovich as the best coach in the league, while Gentry has done nothing of substance to warrant trust.That‘s why I foresee Dallas becoming the new Spurs and New Orleans becoming the new Mavs.Pelicans fans should be happy with that.
The war has just begun, however, and there are still some big moves coming.Dallas will have max level cap room for basically the first time in the Cuban era along with no state income tax and the chance to rack up all your scoring stats with prime Luka.In fact, there is a growing underground fear amongst NBA execs that Giannis is destined to end up in Dallas.
The Pelicans on the other hand are sitting on more tangible assets with the goldmine of future Lakers picks.It will almost certainly be three straight lottery picks starting next summer or the year after, depending on how quickly it takes for the Lakers to suck.If the balls fall right or if Gayle can pull in another favor, the Mavs might have a threat in their decade of dominance about halfway through this thing.Until then, Luka and Carlisle all the way.
What a blessing it is to have a ticket on both wagons.
🚨🚨 NBA LAYUP LINE 🚨🚨
Mark Cuban was fined 500k for protesting after we got robbed in Atlanta.He matched the fine with a 500k donation to charity. Just a cool mill to speak up for the people.
NBA execs have discussed a new calendar with the season starting in December, which would be awesome. But instead of shortening the season, they will have the finals in August.No thank you.Chill out NBA.
Spike Lee is upset about losing access to the employee entrance despite paying $300k a year in season tickets and over $10M lifetime.Any Knicks fan who gives James Dolan that much money is a moron.
Patrick Mahomes was at the Mavs-Pelicans game, but the most famous athlete in attendance might have been sitting in general admission
The Angels fired their visiting clubhouse manager of 30 years because he was selling a foreign substance called Go Go Juice to opposing pitchers.It’s an odd story because how does someone work their whole life for an organization while helping out the enemy the whole time.Was this going on for a long time, or was it a recent thing?Either way, it’s just further proof that the Angels are a Mickey Mouse organization that Otani is a huge fucken loser for joining.
The true lead here is that the Angels had no idea this was going on until the MLB tipped them off.How did the MLB come across this information?They were conducting a league wide investigation on ball tampering.Why were they doing that?Hmm…
Take a look at this cringeworthy team site article about all the ‘analytics’ involved in increasing spin rates for every single Astros pitchers spin compared to their metrics on prior teams.Woke baseball fans have been saying for years that the Astros were stealing signs and doctoring baseballs (aside from corporate espionage) to cheat.
Sure, almost every pitcher doctors baseballs these days and it’s probably necessary for the safety of hitters to allow this stuff in cold weather games.However, it’s pretty obvious the Astros went much farther than the normal pine tar to fuck with their baseballs.There is no doubt they had a propriety substance similar to this Go Go Juice, and the MLB is finally doing their part to crack down.
Why don’t they make this public like the sign stealing?Because death penalties are bad for business and no former players have come out about this yet.Hopefully Collin McHugh becomes the man to step up and do the right thing.He just said he’s willing to give up his World Series ring, and that his fellow pitchers should’ve been braver and spoken out against the sins they were seeing.Why is he of all people trashing the organization who’s ‘analytics’ salvaged his career and made him respectable for the 2017-2018 seasons only?Your guess is as good as mine ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Nobody has a hard on for Astros hate more than me, but this Blue Jays pitcher Reese McGuire that got caught cracking stick in the spring training parking lot might be a close second.
Speaking of the Astros, former cheater-converted-Yankee Gerrit Cole gave up back to back homers, twice, over just two innings, against the Tigers, in his latest spring training outing.
Speaking of Yankees, Goose Gossage is yelling at the clouds again.He’s still bemoaning analytics, saying that “It’s like the Democrats are running baseball.”I agree. Math is for morons.
Yu Darvish caught a slight case of the coronavirus, but he’ll be fine because he’s not old enough to die from the flu yet.Better for him to get this out of the way now and clear himself up for the inevitable Cy Young campaign.
And finally, the biggest actual baseball story of spring training was Nolan Arenado wanted a trade because the Rockies weren’t spending enough on free agents.The Rockies have pledged over $200M to free agents over the past two seasons, and just one year ago gave Arenado a $260M guaranteed contract.What a whiny baby this kid is.
There’s a lot of Eli Manning HOF truthers who like to say that he was never good outside those two Super Bowl years.I don’t know what they were watching in 2008, but it sure wasn’t NFL.The Giants were awesome that year and it was terrifying.At Thanksgiving weekend, they were 9-1 and cruising to home field advantage when Plaxico Burress learned the hard way that sweatpant waistbands are not the safest gun holsters.
Burress spent 20 months in prison, which was unprecedented for an athlete and it was hard not to feel at least some sympathy for him.His teammate Steve Smith had just been robbed at gunpoint three days earlier, and the gun was previously registered back in Florida (expired and out of state but still).He was certainly no Pacman or Crittenton that’s for sure, but New Yorkers wanted to get rid of guns and he served as a powerful example to help make that happen.
Most importantly, the Giants season completely derailed after suddenly losing the best possession receiver in the league.For that, I give eternal thanks to Mike Bloomberg.He’s in the news lately for a political race that will cause 40-60% of the population to feel deep despair, but it is nothing like the despair of watching your rival go back to back.
🚨🚨 NFL EXTRA POINTS 🚨🚨
The biggest trade since Herschel Walker looks to be this brewing deal between NBC and ESPN for announcers.The true winners of this trade are fans and society.Spending Monday nights with Al Michaels and Peyton Manning instead of Boog is going to lift everyone’s moods, and we finally get Mike Tiri-goat back!
The NFL is going to the going to the Supreme Court to fight a very frivolous lawsuit.Apparently some people think that $293 is a rip off for the hundreds of hours of pure bliss that Sunday Ticket provides.What kind of psychopath likes football but doesn’t watch other teams?Must be the russians again.
The Tom Brady to 49ers speculation has finally started.Called it.Garoppolo is turning into the next Matt Cassell right before our eyes and they have a $4M out on his contract.This has been a no brainer all along.
Baker Mayfield’s offseason has barely started and it’s getting brutal – possibly more brutal than that season long ad campaign he did.Last week, a host on the Browns flagship network called him a midget.But that was nothing compared to a few weeks back when a woman gave a radio interview about blowing him in a Cheesecake Factory parking lot.She provided proof in the form of dick pics as other women called in to tell similar stories like the time he cheated on his Instagram wife the first night after his honeymoon.Our heroine signs off the interview by saying (34:30 mark) “I think he already ruined his career anyway because he sucks at football now”
7th Floor Krewe 
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