Hey remember back in the day when the Astros had a double digit lead on the 1 seed and their smug ass fans acted like a dynasty had started to save their miserable Houstonian existence?  I wonder if back then they could’ve conceived of an October opening against Chris Sale instead of a wild card team.  Or that if they even got past Boston, they would’ve had to play the Tribe on the road instead of home.

It’s too bad these crybabies responded to a hurricane by prioritizing pettiness over winning.  That little temper tantrum of theirs cost them two games.  Cleveland finished one game ahead of them.  You do the math there.

They’ve got some talent, so it kinda sucks for them that their magical season ended up being 2nd place and matched up against the best pitcher in the league.  I’m sure they don’t regret holding their dick at the trade deadline at all.  And I’m sure Verlander will end up a shrewd waiver deal to make up for it instead of continuing to fall apart every October.  Yeah sure they’ll be fine

Let me preface this by saying that if you have any concern at all for your financial well-being, then you must bet your life on Florida -3.  There are trap lines and there are stupid lines, and this one is the latter.  LSU under Coach O is a complete and utter disaster.

Listen I get it, his accent is cool as shit.  He’s cajun, it’s Baton Rouge, it’s like the Waterboy, etc. etc.  Good for LSU for having a head coach with a cool accent.  That’s awesome and hilarious haa haa.

But do you know how woman can get wooed by average foreign men just because of their accents?  That’s what’s happening in Louisiana right now.  I live in south Louisiana and have always thought of LSU fans as some of the more modest and chill people in the SEC, but this love obsession with Coach O is changing my tune some.

His tenure at Ole Miss was one of the worst in SEC history.  His two interim coaching stints were solid, yes, but in no way make up for the fact that he was one of the worst failures of all time when he last ran a full program.  He hasn’t even been a defensive coordinator…  He’s a defensive line coach.  Why a position coach keeps getting HC promotions is beyond me.  They say he’s a great recruiter, but LSU recruits itself.  There is no explanation as to why he has a job except for his accent, and that’s weird as fuck for LSU fans.

After losing to fucken Troy at home last weekend, the fans are finally coming around to the idea of yes maybe his past speaks for itself and he’s a bad coach.  Unfortunately, they’re gonna be hard-pressed to fire him because of an inexplicable $12M buyout.  LSU is completely and utterly fucked.

Anyway this video is still cool as shit…

I’ve been looking for a favorite team for this season, and Friday night sealed the deal on Wazzu for me.  That game was fucken sick.  I’ve been high on them for a couple years now, but this is the signature win that finally elevates them into the stratosphere of CFP contention.

As a Texan, I’ve always known Mike Leach as a savant.  Crazy to think it’s been almost a decade since he and Crabtree daggered the Longhorns and got up to #2 in the country.  He is one of the greatest offensive masterminds of all time.  I know he’s been at smaller schools, but his lack of relevance and respect from the mainstream sports crowd is astonishing.

Unfortunately, his tenure at Texas Tech fell shorter than expected because he failed to cut Craig James’s son back in the day and got fired by some twats in the administration.  The same school that took on Bobby Knight fired a legendary guru over a helicopter parent.  Sad.

Anyway, he went back to his home region of the Northwest and picked up right where he left off.  From all I’ve heard, Pullman is just like Lubbock in that it’s full of dumb kids who aren’t poor enough to not go to college.  Now they are just like Lubbock used to be in that their football team is fucken awesome.

Luke Falk is still there too.  He might have regressed a bit because of possible brain damage, but he’s still the shit.  He’s gonna be the Kirk Cousins of this next draft class, except he’s a bro instead of a bible thumping chode so he won’t choke away all the big moments.

Wazzu at Washington for the Apple Cup on November 25th, Saturday after Thanksgiving.  Gonna be a battle of undefeateds to decide a spot in the Pac-12 title game and CFP playoff.  Can’t wait for that shit.

Sucks to start 2-2, but I’m not worried about this loss at all.  We casually dominated for most of the game, but something still felt off the whole time.  Just in one of those funks the entire game, and it was because of the noon kickoff time.

America’s Team is not made for noon games.  The only only time we’re ever in the early slot is when we play teams that are actually as bad as LA was supposed to be this year.  Our natural stage is primetime, especially at home.  Our players are used to the lights, and early starts like this throw their circadian rhythms all out of whack.  We’re too famous for that shit, and quite frankly I’m appalled the NFL didn’t move the game back the moment we found out LA might not suck.

Fortunately, that was the only game all season with a noon start.  Everything else on our schedule is at night or in late the afternoon so NBC can flex us up.  We will get 1-2 flexes before week 10 against Falcons, Chiefs, or Reddsskinnsss.  After that, we got two Sunday night games, Thanksgiving, and a Thursday nighter already booked.  If our week 17 finale against Philly matters, it is 100% a SNF game.

Half the games left under lights, the rest are still late starts, and no bullshit early games.  Sounds about right for America’s Team.  We’re gonna be fine.

All of a sudden, Sunday’s match for America’s Team looks to be much more challenging than expected.  I started hyping Goff as Aaron Rodgers Lite a couple years ago, and everyone’s been harping on that ever since.  Yeah last year was pretty brutal, but then Goff got a new coach, a revamped offensive line, some actual receivers, etc. etc. and now everyone is shocked that he looks kind of awesome.  Whaddya know!!

It’s just so odd how much this has taken people aback.  It’s almost as if #1 overall draft picks are too talented to call busts by the time they’re 22 years old.  Especially when the closest counterpart in the draft (Wentz) was a first year starter for Division 1-AA North Dakota State at that same age.  Crazy how that shit works out…

While we’re on the subject, I’d like to go off on a short tangent regarding Jeff Fisher.  Stan Kroenke paid him $35 million over 5 years and gave him an undisclosed extension right before firing him.  A lot of people say that said it was dumb to pay him for all the losing.  Those people have been hoodwinked.  There’s a lot of bad things you can say about Kroenke, but one thing you cannot say is that he’s bad with money.

Fisher was a legend for Tennessee.  One of the great coaches of the era.  Then he got paid half a hundred mill in his late age to help a team tank.  Kroenke wanted that team to suck so he could make sure it got the fuck out of St. Louis, and he paid Fisher out the ass to make sure it happened. Brilliant if you ask me.

writers America’s Team united as an organization and took a knee with the explicit purpose of promoting equality, and some respecteddeemed it meaningless because it right before the national anthem.  That was confusing as shit.  Martellus Bennett drafted a statement for fans to join in locking arms during the anthem, and these same writers decried unity as ‘maddening and gutless’.  What?

Listen, I’m as down as the next guy for ending [or at least scaling back] the pregame anthems.  The ceremony has become diluted, fabricated and outdated.  That being said, if we want to see reforms, it might be time to take a step back and understand why our simple peers are not getting the message.

Millennials are the first generation to come of age unaffected by World War II.  We’re two generations away from true wartime in general.  Sometimes, people who grew up in vastly different times have vastly different (non-racist) perspectives in life.  If you grew up in a family with veterans, especially deceased veterans, you were taught the anthem as a sacrament.  Trust me on that – I speak from personal experience [as do heroes like Drew Brees].

Nationalism is pointless and counterproductive in this era of globalization, but most Americans lack the experience or education to understand that like urban millennials do.  National anthem protests are non-starters for them.  We got their attention, but now it’s time to get them to actually listen.  Why not switch things up to do that?  It’s easily the most harmless political compromise we could make with these people; why can’t we jump on it?

I don’t condemn what Kaepernick did; he’s a patriot in my eyes.  And when the president threatens your constitutional rights with a racially tinged tirade, you have to react exactly how NFL players and owners did on Sunday.  It was the proudest I’ve ever felt being an NFL fan.  However, going forward, maybe we’ve reached a point in this movement where the message should take precedence over the method.

Some cynical people condemn the newfound owners’ participation as a marketing scheme.  Maybe true, maybe not.  If they help the movement, does it really matter?  Shit, if they’re finally propagating the movement because our wallets started speaking loudly enough, then we’ve got ourselves a paradigm of great American capitalism.

I know the bar is pretty low here, but I think ESPN just hit a new nadir.  Easily the worst week since the Tebow days.  They started off on Monday night with the worst NFL broadcast of all time.  Not because they had Rex Ryan up in the booth to mail in more work, not because they had that drama queen Sergio Dipp doing his best dreamer impression, but because they had that serotonin-sapping hag Beth Mowins calling play-by-play.

She is the absolute worst.  It’s not because she’s a woman – I don’t mind Jessica Mendoza!  No, it’s because she’s a woman trying way too hard to sound like a man.  God her voice is so fucking horrible.  If you really want to push gender diversity into sports broadcasting, give us women that sound like actual females instead of this depression-inducing drag.

The sad thing is, she’s not even ugly!  Look at her, wasting such a pretty face through such an ugly voice.  Sad

Just as ESPN was trying to recover from their MNF disaster, Jemele Hill decided to rock the boat even harder and go out on a little tweet tantrum.  Political implications aside – anybody with a brain knows what’s wrong with the White House, and anybody without a brain is not changing tune over the term ‘white supremacist’ – this was bad news for ESPN.

It means they have to wait at least a few more months or so before they pull her godawful SportsCenter show.  I don’t know who had the idea to take two middling daytime personalities and turn them into SportsCenter anchors, but it was the worst idea ever.  No exaggeration, I don’t think I’ve ever been able to sit through more than a full single minute of SC6.

The sad thing is, I used to like Michael Smith.  I didn’t even hate Jemele Hill when she was breaking in either.  Once the two of them got together, it’s been some of the most cringe-worthy TV in sports.  They’re a classic case study of why sexual tension in the office is bad.

They should never have been promoted; they should’ve gotten canceled.  Now that Jemele played the race card, we gotta wait longer before getting fun ESPN back.  That’s too bad.

So everyone knows by now the heartbreaking story of Deondre Francois shattering his kneecap against Alabama the other night.  It does truly suck.  A lot of people say that it’s Jimbo Fisher’s fault for having such a piss poor offensive gameplan leaving his star QB so vulnerable.  I did a little digging, and apparently this goes much deeper: that Alabama safety wanted to play for FSU.  Damn…  He grew up in Tallahassee, was good enough to start for Alabama, and got passed over by Jimbo Fisher?  That’s a recipe for ice cold revenge if I’ve ever seen one.

Butch Jones – Biggest Fraud in Football

Tennessee was a measly 3 point favorite over Georgia Tech in the biggest sharps vs squares trap we’ll see all season.  Most casual fans saw the talent and resources of Tennessee and thought them a no brainer to beat a bunch of engineering students who actually have to go to class.  Most gamblers saw the fact that Butch Jones was still employed and laughed their way to the bank.

I said this two years ago, and what followed was one of the worst coaching seasons of all time.  There was the chickenshit game management against Oklahoma, blatantly throwing the game against Florida, then blowing a two TD lead to 1-3 Arkansas.

Heading into last year, people had the audacity to pick them as the team to unseat Alabama.  That was retarded.  They opened the season having to catch every break in the world to survive App State at home.  Jones got another miracle against Georgia and then cried like a little baby.  He then spent the rest of October getting thrashed before ending the season with a loss to Vanderbilt.  Yes, Vanderbilt.

So last night they started the season getting gifted two missed field goals to survive against a school-first triple option team…  When are the Vols gonna fire this dude?  Maybe once he stops being able to sweep their rapes under the rug.

 

As if 9 trillions gallons of rainwater wasn’t enough, Astros president Reid Ryan (son of Nolan) just poured another flood onto Houston with his crybaby tears yesterday…

Okay trigger warning to the outrage police, but I’m gonna go ahead and say what everyone knows deep down is true…  We’re sitting 2.5 games back of a very tight wildcard race, and Ryan is demanding we add a 12 game in 13 day road trip to the end of the schedule and essentially flush whatever slim playoff chances we have down the toilet.  All in the name of ‘compassion’.  I know that sounds incredibly insensitive in light of such a serious tragedy, but the fact is baseball is a multibillion dollar business and this stuff still does matter.

One key factor here that most of the public isn’t aware of is the fact that these two front offices hate each other.  While some see the Rangers’ refusal to swap series as pettiness in the name of a playoff race, you could also step back and find unethical behavior from Ryan here.  He clearly knows the logistical, financial, and baseball-related reasons for us to refuse this swap, yet here he is publicly throwing his business rivals under the bus anyway.

Fuck that shit.  I feel terrible for what is going on in Houston right now, but I still think the Astros can go kick rocks.

 

Update 8/29 – we obliterated them 12-2 tonight.  Apparently they were playing in BP jerseys because they had nothing else with them and the players are absolutely exhausted.  If only they had an option to play their series closer to home in a town they were already at instead of suddenly uprooting themselves to Tampa.  Hmmm….

Update 8/30 – another thrashing, 8-1 this time.  ESPN televised the game and pointed out how our SP Andrew Cashner and manager Jeff Bannister are both from Houston and tending to family matters before each game.  Yet apparently we have no compassion for the city.

Update 8/31 – unfortunately no sweep for us, but my dreams of beating their asses in the ALDS became slightly more realistic this week.  Also, I just saw this broad called us ‘shameful and classless‘, and said we should’ve taken an example from local colleges who hosted Houston area volleyball teams.  Cute.

So apparently this is from a couple weeks ago, but I just learned about it today and it is amazing…

Ah hahaha holy shit that look at these fucken jamokes in philly.  What a long way from indoctrinating 10 year old Cowboys fans into the NFL by cheering on Michael Irvin’s paralysis (34 minute mark, assholes).  What a long way from chucking drinks at and fighting with any 19 year old Cowboys fan who dare wear a TO jersey at a bar.

Honestly I really did respect this fanbase and thought they were thick-skinned enough to handle all those ‘zero Super Bowls’ taunts and shit, but I never imagined them actually falling this far.  It’s been legit fascinating to watch these people – who came up as the most intimidating fans in sports – devolve into giving pity party commentary on the need to “evaluate Chip Kelly’s Tebow signing once we actually see how the season works out.”  And now we can go out to Eagles training camp and watch bum fuck North Dakotans literally cry over the opportunity to watch their quarterback practice.  Lol good god how pathetic.