Ranking Cole Beasley’s New Rap Single Among Other Cowboys Classics

Aside from running the same tired ass routes that Jason Garrett’s been calling all year, it looks like Cole Beasley has been putting time into a little pet project…

https://www.sbnation.com/college-football-recruiting/2017/12/20/16788196/georgia-recruiting-class-2018

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SBJpDA6eAMY

I will admit rap is my worst genre and I don’t know shit about it, but it seems pretty clear that he has flow and shit but completely forgot about the hook?  And the hook is the most important part of the song?  Oh well, good for him I guess.

Let’s look at some other Cowboys bangers from the past…

Lance Rentzel – Beyond Love (1968)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DaaIpaKWvTk

This song is actually pretty sick imho.  Rentzel was living the life back in the day – star receiver for the Cowboys, budding music star, and banging a Hollywood star.  Then he took those ‘beyond love’ feelings, showed them to a 10 year old, and his life fell apart.  V sad and dumb.  I wonder if it was the CTE’s fault.

Troy Aikman – Oklahoma Nights (1993)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bv0tLz39sZY

Aikman’s singing skills = inverse of Aikman’s throwing skills.

Deion Sanders – Must be the Money (1994)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KJWSm13LBh8

Not a great song, but that video is one of the most baller moves I’ve ever seen an athlete do.  Fucken awesome.

Terrell Owens – I’m Back (2006)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VA0vnOCW8tE

Yeeessss!!!  “No more get my Eagle on – meet me at the star!”  My teenage anthem.  God I would’ve been such an insufferably fun-loving human if we had ever managed to pull off a Super Bowl with TO.  Troll’s dream.  Unfortunately he fucked it all up.  Banger song though.

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Ranking Cole Beasley’s New Rap Single Among Other Cowboys Classics

Rick Carlisle Sets the Sheep Straight on Lavar Ball

Not since the glory days have I been this proud of coach Carlisle.  The dipshits at Deadspin are telling him to chill, but it’s been long overdue for a coach to step up and call out this garbage from ESPN.

NBA proponents say one of the great features of the league is social media headlines and manufactured off-court drama.  They think it’s fascinating when national broadcasts spend half the game cutting to reaction shots of a talentless father just because he spews out sensational quotes.  However, there are many people (me) who’ve stopped watching the NBA because of garbage like this.

Yes, ESPN is a business and they have metrics showing that Ball stories get them clicks.  They also had metrics showing that Tebow drew an audience back in the day, and force-feeding that bullshit to us was a big factor in the overall decline in that brand.  They should take some lessons from Facebook and Upworthy on the long-term damages that short-term clickbait strategies can do to a brand.

While there may be a niche market for imbecile’s who like the Ball stories, it is nowhere near the mainstream that ESPN is trying to manufacture it into.  The fact that they’re paying for Lithuanian beat writers to follow him after laying off half their staff is despicable.  If it’s the route they want to follow, then Carlisle is right – they can do it without getting the media credentials that provide net positive value for the health of the association.

Rick Carlisle Sets the Sheep Straight on Lavar Ball

Demarcus Lawrence Says Fuck the Refs

Demarcus Lawrence went off the other day about the apparent referee conspiracy against the Cowboys right now.  He hasn’t gotten a holding call in five games.  The Cowboys as a team has had an obscenely low eight total holding calls against them all season, including a recent five game drought.  I don’t think really buy the conspiracy idea – this is the NFL we’re talking about and not the NBA.  But with a pass rush as strong as ours, it is pretty insane how these numbers are.

Regardless of whether or not you buy into this idea, Lawrence’s rant was quite hilarious…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CHJp1OGIg4M

Awesome viral rant that is sure to get our star pass rusher in trouble with the NFL, and what does Garrett have to say about it?  Nothing, he’s pretending he doesn’t even know about it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aQWhdTQGb9k

Unbelievable really…  This dude tries so hard to push this Belichick/Saban aura about him, and it just makes him come off as an embarrassment.  Yeah, I’m sure he’s so focused on ‘the process’ and drawing up shit schemes that he doesn’t have time to notice any outside noise like players making viral headlines.  What a wizard we’ve got in charge here.

As for the game itself?  It was not ideal, and not just because it was a noon start.  We were tied 10-10 late in the 4th to a god awful Giants team that allegedly tanked the ending away for draft position.  Even worse, it brings Jason Garrett one step closer to stumbling into a winning season.  Bad news all around.

Demarcus Lawrence Says Fuck the Refs

Georgia Bulldogs Perpetuate Their Role as Losers

You could say that Georgia Bulldogs fans are like the Cowboys fans of college football.  They carry themselves as if they’re a flagship program, and they expect championships every year despite never being close to good enough.  Listening to a dawgs fan talk about Georgia football sometimes makes me realize how annoying my own NFL fanhood can come across as.

However, there is a major difference between these two teams…  The Cowboys actually are an iconic franchise with one of the richest histories in sports.  The dawgs, on the other hand, have one national championship from 38 years ago to draw back on.  That’s it.  They worship Herschel Walker for getting them that title, but oddly enough Walker’s trade led to three titles for the Cowboys.  Interesting!

It’s not like the dawgs ever come close to getting glory either.  If you’re a millennial fan, your best postseason memories are two Sugar Bowl victories (one against the mighty Hawaii Rainbow Warriors) and nothing else of note.  Oh, did I say millennial?  I meant Gen-X.  Their history is that fucken empty.
So why do Georgia fans think they’re so important?  Beats me.  I do know that it’s fucking weird, especially when so many of them are from Atlanta.  They’ve had badass baseball teams that couldn’t sell out playoff games.  They didn’t even try to get into hockey (dumb).  They don’t go to Hawks games because they’re too scared of black people.  When it comes to football, though, they’re all in for their garbage ass falcons bulldawgs.  Wooh!!

Mark Right had a job in Athens for 14 seasons for some reason, but I will admit they’re finally getting closer after finally firing him.  Kirby Smart has the #1 recruiting class and they made it all the way to overtime against Saban.  Maybe they can keep it up until after all the Bama freshmen that beat their ass last night declare for the NFL.  Then they might amount to something (for once)!

Georgia Bulldogs Perpetuate Their Role as Losers

Ohtani Is a Pussy and Signs with Angels

Otani became the first person ever to voluntarily move to Anaheim last week.  Its a crushing blow to Ranger nation.  Despite what most baseball fans assumed, we were a strong favorite to land this kid.

We’ve had a strong relationship with Nippon Ham ever since the Darvish signing.  We tried to sign him out of high school six years ago, and our assistant GM has taken point on building a strong relationship since that time.  And just to be safe, we finagled our way into having the highest international cap just for Otani’s contract.  I thought Japanese people valued loyalty, but I guess some of them value Disneyland more.

To be honest, I was starting to get sketched out when he turned away the Yankees so quickly.  He also might kind of suck at hitting in the MLB.  But an ace pitcher for practically no money is the game changer we needed to right this ship.  

We were also legit setting up a six man rotation for Otani, and that’s what I was most intrigued about.  Darvish had been calling for the MLB to do this for years, as that’s how they roll in Japan.  I understand why GMs have been so averse to the idea – its risky as hell – but I really want the Rangers to be the first to try.  Pitching arms seem as fragile as NFL players these days, and a six man rotation could be the solution we’re looking for.

Otani would’ve been perfect to headline a six man rotation because he could be an extra hitter without taking a roster spot, but he punked out on us.  I still think we should pursue this.  Arrieta could be dope.  And even though I compared him to an ex-girlfriend with AIDS last month, I’d be down to go after Darvish again to.  Let’s fucken do this.

For the Angels, this makes them closer to legit contention than a lot of people realize.  They were one game out of the wildcard in mid September despite a slow start and a long Trout injury.  Their bullpen, especially Keynan Middleton, is low key awesome.  Their defense is top notch.  If they sideline Pujols like they did Josh Hamilton, their offense could mash.  Their only problem is depth and no prospects to trade with.  We’ll see how it works out for them.

Ohtani Is a Pussy and Signs with Angels

Nerlens Noel Crashes Mavs Media Room for a Halftime Hot Dog

I haven’t watched a single second of the Mavs this season because fuck basketball, but this is too bizarre of a Dallas story to completely ignore…  During halftime of last Saturday’s game, Nerlens Noel barged into the media room and got himself a hot dog.  He said he needed energy for the second half, but he was actually in the midst of his 4th straight DNP (6 straight now).

While clearly some NBA passive aggressive drama queen shit, it’s hard not to feel sorry for Nerlens Noel here.  Five months ago, this dude was one of the more intriguing RFAs and had a guaranteed $70M offer on the table.  He rejected it, got negotiated down to a lowball $4.1M qualifying offer, and now has zero playing time.  Brutal stuff.

Maybe he’s a fraud and the rumblings about his work ethic are true.  If so, why the original $70M offer?  Maybe they knew he would turn that down and secretly hoped another team plucked him with a max.  Okay, I can see that, but now that it didn’t happen, why are we giving up completely on him?

We’re a last place rebuilding team.  The only purpose of the season is to get lottery balls and evaluate/develop talent.  Noel has always been hyped as one of the better defensive big man prospects in the game.  Some 31 year old named Salah Mejri is playing ahead of him, and that makes no sense at all.

Carlisle says he’s not earning any minutes.  Okay, culture and accountability are important I guess.  But why not at least give him garbage time minutes to prove his worth?  Why literally zero playing time?  The whole situation seems sketchy as hell.

Maybe he’s a prick to Dirk.  If so, then yeah I agree with the Mavs here fuck him.

Nerlens Noel Crashes Mavs Media Room for a Halftime Hot Dog

Taking Sides in the Jones-Goodell Civil War

jones goodell

So this weekend, Don Van Natta dropped a bombshell report on Jerry Jones’s power struggle with Roger Goodell.  My god it was awesome.  I haven’t read such captivating journalism since, well, Van Natta’s last expose on Jones.  What a writer, what a story, and what a feud we have brewing in the NFL.  The general consensus amongst fans seems to to cheer on the demise of both parties here.  Oddly enough, as a Cowboys fan, I wouldn’t mind that either.

The case for wanting Goodell gone is obvious to sports fan or any American for that matter.  There is no need to rehash how terrible he’s been in a blog.  The case against Jerry, as a Dallas fan at least, is much more complex…

To many older men, he’s a philanthropist that delivered three Super Bowls and enough euphoria for a lifetime.  However, for those of us who came of age after Jimmy Johnson hurt his pwecious wittle feelings, he’s an egomaniac who delivers one playoff win per decade.  His performance has easily been a 0 on the binary scale.  He’s chilled out some and the Prescott era might save us, but this could have just as easily been a Paxton Lynch or Connor Cook era.  Not good.

On the business and marketing side, I’ve alway been of the belief that Jerry Jones is overrated as shit.  The Cowboys were America’s Team before he bought the team.  Tex Schramm built this brand – not Jerry.  Those TV negotiations were nice, but for the most part Jerry stumbled upon a product that marketed itself.

If Jerry beats Goodell, then that’s awesome.  If they both go down in this fight, that’s fine too I guess.  America’s Team will reign supreme in the end no matter what.

Now on to some dope tidbits from this story…

League Financing for Jerry World

We learned that Jones was originally so loyal to Goodell because of help in getting the league to finance AT&T Stadium.  That’s interesting…  I personally hate the stadium.  The video board is sick, but everything else is actually kind of bland.  It’s also in Arlington, which blows.  The NFL was better with Texas Stadium and no Goodell.

Phony Market Research

Apparently Goodell’s chief market marketing officer presented market analysis to owners that showed the NBA as the least popular sport in America.  That might be the most preposterous thing I’ve read all year.  She (of course) still has this job somehow.  That is some Grade-A swindling right there.

Anthem Protests

One of Goodell’s biggest victories against Jones this year was refusing a league mandate for all players to stand during the anthem.  Say what you want about the protests, but a league mandate would’ve been the most tone deaf option imaginable.  Not a smart move by Jones.

Concussions

At a league meeting two years ago, Jones scoffed at the concussion issue and referred to it as a “pimple on a baby’s ass.”  That was dumb as shit.

Bob Kraft Is a Pussy

“I’m gonna come after you with everything I have,” Jones told Goodell.  “If you think Bob Kraft came after you hard, Bob Kraft is a pussy compared to what I’m going to do.”

Fuck. Yes.  Holy fucking shit.  And that right here y’all is why, despite all the bullshit we put up with, Cowboy nation is still down to ride or die with Jerry Jones.  LFG

Taking Sides in the Jones-Goodell Civil War